“Hey, are you alright? Are you- Are you crying?” he asked, now kneeling down to get on my level.

“I’m fine, really.” I responded. I lifted my head, wiping a stray tear from my cheek. I smiled at him unconvincingly.

“You don’t look fine. Here-” he said, standing and offering me his hand. “I’m Gerard, what’s your name?” I accepted his hand and stood to face him properly.

“I’m Lily.” I replied. He cocked his head, pulling his jacket onto his shoulders.

“Well, Lily, you’re gonna be late for your first lesson- What is that lesson, by the way?” he inquired.

“I think I have biology...” I said, scrambling for my timetable. He smirked and clapped his hands together.

“Well, so do I! Let me walk you.” He said as he began to whisk me into hallways, eventually reaching the classroom.

If I could compare the class to anything, it would have to be a zoo. These kids sat in packs at different tables, roaring and squawking about their social lives and their sex lives.

Gerard gestured to a small table in the back of the room, which seemed uninhabited with the exception of a short, dark-haired boy with a whole bunch of piercings. I followed him to the table, and took a seat by the wall.

“Lily, this is Frank, he’s an ass” said Gerard, hitting Frank on the back. He slapped Gerard back good-naturedly, smiling at me.

“Nice to meet you, Lily” he giggled. The teacher stepped into the room just as Gerard sat down between Frank and I, pulling out a lighter from under the table.

The teacher, whom I now know to be Mr. Hartford, began scrawling diagrams of cells and frogs on the board while Gerard set fire to pieces of paper torn from textbooks he found strewn about the floor.

Just as he lit another one, I smelled hair burning. A girl in the row in front of us who was apparently playing around with a bunsen burner had set her hair on fire while trying to impress the boy sitting across from her.

The classroom burst with raucous applause and laughs, giving Gerard the opportunity to put out the fire and hide the lighter as Mr. Hartford walked over. The rest of the lesson was a blur of unanswered questions and jabs at the girl who now had a bald patch.

When we three escaped from the room, they took me over into the lunch hall where we sat with two other boys. One of them was a weedy yet handsome boy with black and white rimmed glasses and fawn brown hair, the other was a taller guy with big lips and a reddish-brown afro that you could lose a quarter in.

The smaller one introduced himself as Gerard’s kid brother Mikey, and the other introduced himself as Ray.

I smiled and waved at them both as I sat down. We five talked about music, T.V and movies for a while, laughing at each other’s bad jokes and apathy towards the world.

Suddenly, Gerard’s eyebrows furrowed and he looked into the distance at a person who I couldn’t quite make out yet. When the crowd cleared slightly, I saw the figure of a pretty beefy, juice-headed boy in blue jeans and a red and white letterman jacket.

The others turned around to join Gerard in staring at this boy, who I would have thought to be completely beneath their notice. I soon found myself staring, too, as he wolf-whistled the girls and butted-heads with his football buddies.

“Who’s that?” I asked to no one in particular. Gerard tore his gaze away from the boy to answer my question.

“He’s no one special. C’mon, lunch’ll be over in five minutes, lemme walk you back to your locker” he said, his face suddenly lightening.

I watched him almost in awe as we walked, completely confused as to how quickly he went from looking like he was about to punch that boy right in the jaw to an exact opposite temperament. He stopped smiling as we stopped in front of my locker.

I inputed the combination and clicked the grey door open, taking out some textbooks and tossing them in my bag.

“Pete” he uttered, eyes downcast.

“What?” I locked the locker again, turning to face him.

“The boy. His name’s Pete. He used to be a pretty close friend of ours, then something just...” he drifted off mid-sentence and seemed to forget completely that he was talking.

“Oh” was all I could think of saying. Gerard brightened up again, out of nowhere, and smiled.

“Where’d you say you lived again?” he grinned.

“I didn’t. Just up on the avenue near the movie store and the pizza restaurant. I can’t remember the name- Joe’s... Jay’s... Gui...-” he cut me off.

“Guissepi’s? Yeah, I know the place. I live down the street from there, too. I guess we’ll be neighbours!” he said.

“I guess so. I’ll see you around” I said smiling as I slung my bag over my shoulder and decided that last period physics was relatively unimportant, and headed for the bathroom as he headed to whatever lesson he had next.

I entered the white-tiled sanctuary with a cautious sigh, and looked under each stall to see if anyone was lurking. With my search proving fruitless, I whipped out a clear plastic baggie from my pocket, staring at the contents.

A mess of little white pills was crammed into it, begging me to swallow one or two. I emptied 3 out into my hand and swallowed them with a gulp of water. Hopefully, this would get me through the rest of the day.

I crept through the empty hallway as the fuzziness began to set in. Colours got brighter and sounds got louder, and I moved through fudge towards the double doors. I moved through them and sat on a bench hidden by trees and uniform flowers as the clouds began to circle.
The birds chirped in harmony and the pavement turned to glue, the sky turned from blue to pink and the grass was like wool. I sat on the now undulating bench and thought of the day’s events.

Gerard was obviously attractive, then again, they all were- They being Ray, Frank and Mikey. But there was something about Gerard, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. They all seemed so nice, so accepting... No, it’s too good to be true. There must be something wrong with at least one of them. I’m sure that they thought I was a nice girl with no problems, but if they knew the truth, would they still like me?

My thoughts were interrupted suddenly by a loud bell and a rush of bodies flying out of the school entrance and prying at their car doors so they could escape as quickly as they could. I lifted myself from the velcro bench and began to cross the melting threshold to the gate, where I saw Steph’s beat-up red Honda parked at an odd angle.

Steph sat in the car, obviously drunk, with a cigarette between her fingers. She honked the horn loud as she saw me, the noise ringing in my ears and melting my brain. I moved towards the car and opened the door, while the imaginary brains leaked out of my skull and stained the floor.

I pulled open the door and threw myself into the passenger seat, putting my bag by my feet.

“You look like shit” muttered Steph as she began to pull out of the lot. I looked out of the window and saw the buildings start to rush by, melting together like wax. She drove messily, and we reached the house with my heart racing and my nails digging into the leather of the seat. I got out and went straight into my room.

I locked the door and moved towards the bathroom. I don’t care how good a day I have, the next one will be awful and I’ll regret postponing this. I have to do it now.

I walked up to the bathroom cabinet and pulled out a box, flipped open the lid and pulled out a perfectly pointed razor. It glinted in the palm of my hand and I grinned at my dear old friend. I went back into the cabinet and pulled out a little container of over-the-counter sleeping pills.

I walked back into my bedroom and whipped out the newly-filled flask of prime russian vodka and slumped onto my bed. I hit play on the little speaker next to my bed and "All Shook Up" by Elvis Presley began to play. I looked up at my ceiling, the single crack stared back at me. Posters lined the walls and the smell of burning and old cigarettes filled my nose. I turned my gaze to the window to find a bird perched on the outer-cil. Well, that’s quite the romantic final image right there.

I emptied out most of the sleeping pills into my hand and stared at the pile for a moment. I tossed them all down my throat and downed the contents of the flask. I then lifted my sleeves and pressed the blade to my left wrist. I began to drag it down my arm, pressing down harder and harder until the blood wouldn’t stop flowing.

I moved on to the right wrist, doing the same as I did to the left. I lay back, awaiting the onset of death, staring at the crack in the ceiling. My vision began to blur, black spots clouded what little I could still see, and I began to feel my breaths shortening. I was nearly convinced that I was about to die, and all I could feel was relief. So close to it now, so near to-

The door flew open and Steph burst in, shouting. The sight of me on the bed made her scream, and she whipped out her phone.

“Hello? 911? This is an emergency- I think my stepdaughter just tried to kill herself-” Steph stuttered into the phone. The last thing I heard before I blacked out was the roar of sirens and loud footsteps coming up the stairs.

Oh, well. Maybe next time.

Notes

Alright, next chapter coming at y'all soon as I can manage. Let's get some romance started, shall we?