Never Let Go

Frank swallowed another shot of some unknown, but extremely potent and vile smelling alcohol. He was blurring the line between tipsy and completely-out-of-his-mind drunk, and loving every second of it. He lost count of how many shots and bottles of beers he’d consumed, but needless to say it was a copious amount. He was grinning stupidly, giggling like a school girl and socialising like a normal human being for the first time in months, although he still stuck closely to Gerard’s side.  In short, he was enjoying himself and it felt good. The tiredness he normally felt decreased with every shot and sip of beer, cocktail and whatever else was handed to him that he greedily gulped. Jamia wasn’t hanging off his arm, enabling him to talk to Gerard and some guy named James, who seemed like a pretty cool guy even by Frank’s standards.  They were talking about how good the gig had been when Jamia suddenly saddled up beside Frank, grabbing his attention with a gently tap on his arm. He fought the urge to roll his eyes, and for an instant he wished she wasn’t even in the bar. The instant the thought entered his mind he felt guilty, even in his inebriated state. Jamia was good to him, amazing even. There was no reason to be pissed with her.

“Frank, I’m getting a bit tired. Do you want to go?”

Her voice, though not loud, was definitely heard by Gerard. Frank could see the smirk on his face out of the corner of his eye. He could see the bags under her eyes, and he knew she wouldn’t be asking unless she was genuinely tired. While the alcohol had gotten rid of Frank’s exhaustion, it had the opposite effect on Jamia. His earlier resolution, to go to the party even if Jamia didn’t want to, softened under the pleading gaze of her warm, brown eyes. Her eyeliner was smudged from the heat, which only enhanced the dark circles under her eyes. Her eyes were glazed from exhaustion and alcohol. Frank could feel Gerard’s eyes on him, watching and judging as Frank struggled. A good boyfriend would wrap his arm around his girlfriend and say ‘Sure honey, whatever you want.” A good boyfriend wouldn’t be so aware of the smirk on Gerard’s face, the one that was goading Frank to say no. The truth was, he didn’t want to go home right then. He was having fun for the first time in ages, something Jamia herself had been nagging him about, and now when he was finally doing what she wanted, she wanted him to go home like a good little boy just because she was tired and ready to go home. He couldn’t ignore the little flare of anger nestling in his chest. After all the time she spent pushing him to go out and be social, the one time he actually does it, she wants to go home before he’s ready. Frank knew it was a little unreasonable, and perhaps selfish, but he wasn’t ready, or willing, to go home quite yet. He couldn’t just come out and say it though. Even in his alcohol induced state, he was aware that saying no would just lead to an argument later. He needed to guilt her into going to the party, or at the very least, guilt her into letting him go without her.

“Gerard just invited us to an after party, Jamia. I already said we’d go.”

Jamia face fell in surprise. She had expected he would want to go home too. She had tried to get him out for so long, meeting with resistance and long suffering sighs at every turn. The little flare of jealousy in her stomach rose up again in her stomach, reminding her that it was Gerard who was the cause of Frank’s sudden sociability. She could see it in Frank’s eyes that he wanted to stay, there was a silent plea behind the alcoholic glaze. She knew she would be the bitchy girlfriend if she made him go home, especially after all her prodding to get him out. She cursed the tiredness that seeped through her entire body. The beers she had downed carelessly had only served to send her further into exhaustion and she was certain that there was no way she would be able to stay awake long enough to go to the party. She held in a sigh and refrained from biting her lip at her predicament.

“Frank, I’m really tired” she whispered into his ear.

Gerard had watched the entire scene unfold in front of him with curious eyes. He was enjoying Frank’s company, and he couldn’t deny the guy was fascinating when he let go of his social awkwardness. He hated to admit it but, Lindsey had been right about the two of them getting on. Once they had a few drinks in them and got over their mutual awkwardness, there were common interests that made for plenty of discussion. Frank was in desperate need of a blow out, Gerard decided.  Gerard plastered a smile on his face and decided to take control of the situation for Frank’s sake.

“Come with me” he grabbed Jamia’s wrist, who seemed too tired to put up much of a fight. Frank watched the two of them closely but he had no real fear. Gerard lead her back to the bar, gaining the bar man’s attention straight away. Jamia had no clue what his plan was, and the tiredness made it hard for her to care. He shoved a glass into her hands.

“Get that into you, you’ll be perky in no time.”

Jamia obeyed instantly. Gerard’s tone left no room for argument, and she wondered if he ever heard the word no. He had the kind of presence that made you pay attention and listen to his every word. She could see how he managed to get Frank out of his shell and she was thankful for it.

“Okay, now you’re gonna sip on this water for a while until the drink kicks in. In fifteen minutes, you’re gonna be fine and ready to party again. Sound good?” he instructed, and led her over to the table Lindsey and the band had commandeered. Frank joined them, sitting next to Jamia.

“Is she okay?” he asked.

“She will be” Gerard answered with a wicked smile.

Hours later, the after party was in full swing in Jimmy’s house. Whatever it was that Gerard had given to Jamia worked, and by the time they left the club any trace of her previous tiredness had disappeared. Now, she was just as hyped up as everybody else in the building, and lost somewhere in the over packed house. Frank was in the kitchen; talking to some random guy he’d never met before, while clutching a bottle of beer in his hand. He knew it was sometime past three in the morning, and if he’d been sober he would have paid attention to the fact that the place stank from the amount of human beings and alcohol spillage in such a small space. The guy, Frank thought his name was Ray, was talking his ear off about guitar techniques which kept Frank focused on the conversation rather than on Ray’s giant afro, which was like nothing Frank had ever seen before. Frank was drunk enough to want to touch it, just to see if it was real, but he’s not stupid enough to touch some strange guy’s hair, especially one who’s so much taller than him and would have no problem taking him on in a fight. Frank didn’t hear a voice calling out to him, trying to get his attention. What he did notice was an arm suddenly wrapping itself around his neck, pulling him into a awkward hug that nearly choked the life out of him. He pulled away sharply, or as sharply as he could when he was drunk out of skull, finding the perpetrator to be none other than a drunk, and possible high, Gerard.

“Dude, come with me” Gerard demanded, like he’d been doing all night. He dragged Frank upstairs by the sleeve of his shirt, giggling non stop until they reached their destination.

Gerard locked the door behind him while Frank stumbled over to Jamia, who gazed at Frank with a lazy smile. Lindsey was sitting on the floor beside her, who was sitting next to Jimmy and some other girl Frank had talked to at some point.

“Dude, we got the fucking shit right here, man!” Jimmy announced, simultaneously throwing a bag at Frank, who miraculously caught it in his hands. It didn’t take Frank long to realise it was a bag of pills, something he hadn’t indulged in since his freshman year in college. A quick look at Jamia was all it took to see she had already had one.

“What is it?”

“Don’t ask. Just do.”

Frank didn’t need any more persuasion than that. He swallowed the pill and took a  sip of his beer to wash it down.

“Do you think there’s a day we’ll get too old for this shit?” Jamia asked aloud, biting her lip as the drug took effect.

“Nah, You’re as young as you feel, or as old as you let yourself feel.” Lindsey spoke in a distant voice.

“I feel old. I never do crazy shit anymore” Jamia whined, wrapping an arm tightly around Frank’s.

“Then start doing crazy shit!” Gerard said it as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Like what?”

“I dunno. Get a tattoo, have a threesome, I dunno.”

“Ha, like you would do any of those things” the other girl giggled.

“Well, not the tattoos, threesomes on the other hand…”

“Gerard!” Lindsey scolded unsuccessfully when she burst into giggles and blushed.

“You’ve had a threesome?” Jamia asked Lindsey.

“It’s nice to try something…different….every once in a while.”

“You can join us anytime you want, sugar” Gerard’s tone was entirely too suggestive for Frank’s liking. Gerard realised he overstepped the mark quickly and backtracked.

“Dude, I’m joking. You should try it sometime, though. Seriously.”

“Nah, I like to keep my girl all to myself” Frank pulled Jamia tighter against him, earning a playful giggle from her and snorts of laughter from the others.

“Aw, why can’t you be more like that, Gerard?” Lindsey mocked, throwing an empty can at Gerard’s head.

“Guess I’m just more adventurous than Frankie boy here! You know I love you, babe!”

The words were said in jest, not intended to be taken seriously, but Frank was hit by the realisation that the words were true. He wasn’t adventurous. He’d had the same girlfriend since high school. He’d never been with anyone else.  Sure he dabbled in drugs, but other than that he’d never done anything crazy in his life. He kept things neat and comfortable, and he liked it that way. He’d never tried to figure out who he really was, or what the hell it was he really wanted in life. Everything had been laid out neatly in front of him, it had all come so easily. He wasn’t so sure if that was what he wanted anymore. He didn’t rest on his thoughts for too long though, they slipped away quickly leaving only a nagging feeling in his brain until he eventually passed out.

Notes

I apologise profusely for the delay in this chapter. It just fell off the radar. Please forgive me, and I've already began writing the next chapter. It won't be so long for the next one.
Lyra