Then holding hands and life was perfect (frerard)

Gerard's P.O.V
I just sit there at the edge of the tall building gazing out at the fog covered city, wondering if anyone out there is doing the same. This has become my daily routine now. Deciding whether today is the day to end the suffering and leap to whatever lies ahead. After an hour and a half of sitting I’ve decided not to end my life today and I get up take in the city for one last time and walk away from the edge.
I never knew it could be this hard to wake up everyday. It was like I was brought back from the dead but into hell instead of the peace I was in. Sleep is so peaceful sometimes, the way you’re the closest to dead without actually being dead, the way you’re so vulnerable and completely in your own head sheltered in your own inactive thoughts from the world around you. It’s just so peaceful. It’s too bad I can’t get a lot of it though. It’s become more and more difficult to fall asleep and stay asleep and if I did fall asleep, it would be difficult to wake up during the day. I keep convincing myself nothings wrong with me why would anything be wrong with me? I keep thinking why? Why do I feel like this? And it’s not a why like “why is life so fucked up?” It’s a why like “honestly my life is perfect nothing happened.” I grew up in Belleville, New Jersey living with my happily married parents as an only child, and being an only child I was spoiled rotten by my parents. My family was happy and perfect we had food in the cabinets, a roof over our heads, and plenty of clothes and luxuries. We weren’t rich no but we had enough. Right now we live in a three bedroom apartment my parent’s room, my room, and a room that only I go in that I keep most of my art and stuff in. I couldn’t think of a reason why I was so sad.
I got to my room and decided I should start getting ready for school.
I pulled on my gray sweats, a Pink Floyd shirt, and my Misfits hoodie and then went to the bathroom to fix my hair which really just was me ruffling my hair around till it was in my face the way I wanted it to be. My hair was black, greasy, and growing out carelessly. I’ve really gotten no motivation to put much effort into my appearance I honestly don’t care what I looked like to other people…well, most of the time. I grabbed my backpack and started on my walk to school.
As a child, I’d always felt I didn’t belong in school, All the teachers acted like I was stupid because I never understood the things we were learning and as soon as the kids at school started calling me stupid and retarded I just quit trying to work in school, I didn’t do my homework I didn’t try on my tests but, surprisingly I never got held back. By the time I hit 7th grade though things got really bad. I ditched almost everyday and when I did go people would just ignore me or stare at me and laugh or whisper to their friend. I mean I was never super popular I only had one or two friends in elementary school but even those friends were gone. But none of that is a reason for me to be so sad all the time. My life is fine. I am fine.
As I walked up to the front of the small highschool I took a deep breath and walked in. I ignored the snickers and the loud whispers of “Oh my gosh what is he wearing?!? Gross! Such an emo fag!” And “Oh wow why does he even bother leaving his room?!” yeah I honestly don’t give a shit about it or at least I tell myself that. The bell for first period rang and I carelessly trotted to English.
I sat in English not paying attention to the lesson I’m in my own little world of music and thinking. A lot of thinking. That’s all I ever do is think, all the time I think about how worthless and alone I feel, how alone I am, thinking if today is the day I end it all. But, I know I won’t, I’m a coward. A silly little lonely boy who just wants a friend. My thoughts were interrupted by a tap on my arm causing me to jump. I turned my head to reveal a nervous looking boy with longish black hair and bright hazel eyes. “Umm hi i-I’m Frank.”

Notes

this is my first fan fic please comment and rate and subscribe it means a lot to me and tell me how you like it so far hopefully someone reads it sorry for a non original idea. Anywho love you guys byee