"I....I did what?...." I said trying to convince him I didn't remember.
"Mikey I'd never-"

"you did."

i sat sat there for a moment thinking of what to say next and still have him believe I didn't remember. "Mikey....what did I do to you.....exactly..."

he took a deep breath that almost made my heart brake. I felt like shit for making him feel scared of me. I love him but I don't want to harm him and even if he told me he liked me back I'd probably try to convince him he didn't and that it was just his teenage hormones.

"Gee..you kissed me and then pinned me to the wall." He said stopping and then biting his lip.
"You grinded on me and then grabbed my hand and made me give you a rub job. then you....you came and then just kissed me until I pushed you off me."

I sat sat there trying to bite back tears. The way he re told what happened with such a fearful and scared tone made me want to die right on the spot. I just kept telling myself that I was horrible person.

I do drugs and drink to try and help me forget about my feelings not to make me act out on them. why did I even decide to get stoned on a night mikey was there? I tried to never ever drink or get stoned if mikey was around. I always waited until he left for something so I'd have the house alone.

"Gee? Say something please." Mikey said lightly grabbing my hand.

"Mikes let go." I said pulling my hand out of his.

"gee?"

"mikey go." I said standing and pointing to the door.

"but g-"

"GO!" I boomed scaring myself a little with how mean I sounded.

I heard mikey sniffle. Shit I made him cry. "Okay." He said weakly.

As as soon as he left my door frame I slammed it shut and locked the door. I sunk down to the floor and began to cry.
I just kept yelling at myself. "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" I cried hitting my head against the door.

Why did i do that. I made him cry again. I'm a hotrie older brother. I'm a fucking freak what brother shows lust twords his sibling? No one! God I'm a fuck up. I shouldn't be here if all I do is cause mikey pain.

I made my decision. I can't hurt mikey anymore so I'm shutting him out. I'm just going to shut everything and everyone out. It'll just be me and my mind my fucked up mind. But what other option did I have?

...............................................................

it it had been two weeks since I'd even talked to Mikey. I hadn't said anything to him or anyone else since the night I had him tell me what happened.

He he tried to get me to talk but I'd pretend I didn't hear him or just straight up ignore him.

My mom and dad were becoming more and more worried as the days went by. I wasn't really eating or leaving my room except for school.

Im im guessing mikey and frank ended it since I haven't heard anyone come home with mikey since he cheated and I never saw them near each other in school.

School sucked. Every class I had with mikey he'd try and get us paired together for group work or projects so I'd be forced to talk to him but thank god the teachers didn't want brothers to work together.

Today I was walking home as normal just listening to music. I was really hungry but I was to lazy and broke to get food. I went home and quickly dug for something to eat before mikey got home so he couldn't stop me from running downstairs.

I grabbed a bag of chips and a monster when mikey entered the kitchen. As soon as he saw me he ran to the entrance of the basement and got there before i did blocking me from hiding.

"gerard." He said sternly looking me straight in the eyes.

i didnt say anything. I shoved the chips and monster in my bookbag and tried to run for the front door but mikey was faster and jumped on my back sending us both to the ground.

"Stop running!" He spat at me.

I could get get up since he was pinning me down and I wasn't going to speak so he'd just have to hold me down until he got to tired. I didn't even put up a fight for running since it was no use and just laid there not speaking.

"Say something!" He yelled in my face.

i didnt even flinch. I had gotten good at ignoring people and shutting them out. I didn't even really care to listen in on people conversations and I'd basically just sit and think.

"Gerard please." He said this time softer and I saw tears forming in his eyes.

Godd job asshole third time you've made him cry.

"Please I can't take it anymore! Just say something I can't figure out what's wrong!"

I was surprised he hadn't pieced it together yet but what normal would guess there brother was in love with them.

I didn't want to make him cry but I didn't want to remain on the floor speechless all night so I spoke.
"Get off." I said harshly.

he leaned back a little but still held me down. Then I saw the first tear roll down his cheek. God did I want to die right now.

"please tell me what's wrong! I-I miss my brother." He said and more tears began to flow.

It it took all I had in me not to wipe his tears away and kiss him but I controlled myself. In his weak moment while he was crying I pushed him off me and ran downstairs before he could stop me. I locked the door and slid down it pulling my knees to my chest and began to cry.

Mikey ran ran down the stairs after me and began banging violently on my door. "Gee! Gerard! Answer me!" He cried.

He he stopped banging and must've heard me crying even though I was trying to be quiet because they next thing he said was "are you ok?"

All i I could manage to say back was "no."

Notes

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