(Jess’s P.O.V)

I woke up feeling like complete and utter shit. I decide to take shower, after I am done I get dressed in (http://www.polyvore.com/untitled_19/set?id=90122270 ). I grab my skateboard and go outside. I see Mikey drinking coffee, I skate over to him and grab the Starbucks cup and bring it to my lips. I taste the amazing black coffee and hand the cup back to Mikey. He looks at me from head-to-toe and laughs.
“What?” I say smiling a bit.
“You think Gee is going to let you wear that?” He says pointing up and down my outfit.
“He doesn’t own me. And dressing a certain way wasn’t one of his fucked up rules.” I say mumbling the last part.
“Jessica I know what happen.” I look up at him tears brim my eyes and Mikey pulls me into a hug.
“It’s ok Jess I know it hurts.” He says rubbing my back.
“I love you.” I say into his chest.
“I love you too Jay.” He lets me go and Gerard, Ray, Bob, and stupid Frank come up to us and Gerard looks at me with worried eyes.
“Jess why are you crying?” Oh you know it feels as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest.
“I just got something in my eye.” I say glancing over at Frank.
“Oh ok well were going to eat…….WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING?!” Gerard says looking up and down me.
“Um clothes.” I say in a duh tone.
“Jessica I can see your bra!” He say pointing to my shirt.
“Really so can I. How bout’ that.” I say sarcasm dripping from each word.
“If you don’t change you’re not coming with us.” He says crossing his arms like that will make me go change.
“Oh darn I guess I am not eating today.” I start walking away.
“You know what forget it common.” I throw my arms in the in victory.

*27 minutes later*
The car comes to a stop in front of a pizza place. I am so hungry but I am not eating. Maybe if I was skinner Frank would still be with me. I had anorexia in the past when I was bullied in high school. But nobody knows that except Selena, Noah, and Mikey. The only reason Mikey knows is because he had to take me to the doctor because I didn’t want my parents to know about it. But he never found out about my cutting or me being bullied.I wish they were here with me I need them right now. We walk into the pizza place and sit down, about ten minutes later 1 large cheese pizza and 1 large pepperoni pizza are placed in the middle of the table. Not even before the waiters hands leave the table the boys dig in and I just sip my diet coke. Gerard looks at me with a mouth full of pizza.
“Aren’t you gonna eat?” It sounds muffled from the pizza.
“I am not hungry.” I say looking down. Mikey looks at me with a questioning look.
“No you need to eat because this is the meal we probably get today.” Gerard says handing me a plate with 3 pieces of cheese pizza. Let me tell you I can usually eat a whole pizza by myself.
“Okay.” I start eating the pizza. I can throw it up when we get back to the buses.
After we finish eating, we head back to the buses. I tell the boys I am going to clean my bus even though it’s spotless. I walk in the bathroom, lock the door, pull back my hair, and stick two fingers down my throat. After I gag about 4 times my lunch is in the toilet. I stand up and flush the toilet. I wash my mouth out and gargle, I walk out of the bathroom and go to my bedroom. I pull out my sketch pad and start drawing……..Frank.
I look down at the picture I have just drawn and tears are brimming my eyes once again.
“Wow….that’s amazing.” I turn around and see Mikey with a sad smile.
“Thanks.” I say as I close my sketch book Mikey takes it and goes through it. His eyes get wide as he looks at the pictures I have drawn in the past.
“They look so real.” Mikey says in amazement.
“They’re not that good.” I say in truth.
“No there fucking amazing!” He says looking at me in disbelief.
“Thanks Mikes that means a lot.” I say cracking a small smile.
“I guess it was a good idea when Gerard made you color with him when you were 3 huh?” Mikey says smiling at the drawings.
I laugh a little then Mikey hands me my sketch book and I put it in my bag. Mikey leaves my bus and I flop on my bed. Maybe if I was prettier he would have loved me. I start crying softly, I pull out my razor and take off my wrist bands. I slide the cool metal against my skin once again.
“Fat, ugly, useless, unloved.” With each word I say to myself I make a new cut on each wrist.
I put the razor back in the night stand and put my wrist bands back on. I wipe my tears and walk outside to be greeted by rainy freezing cold weather. Which happens to be my favorite weather because it’s perfect when you feel depressed. You feel as if the words and pain can’t get to you because of the cold. I get dressed into (http://www.polyvore.com/untitled_13/set?id=88384718) I step outside and just stand there letting the rain hit my face. Gerard sees me and runs up to me.
“Jess you have get inside I don’t want you to get sick.” He says as he is pushing me into my bus. He comes in as well and sits down.
“Well make yourself at home then.” I say in sarcasm. I get out 2 batman mugs and pour coffee for the two of us. I hand him the mug and turn the T.V to Adventure Time.
“Batman mugs and Adventure Time? I guess you are my sister.” I laugh as he smirks at me.
“So baby sis what have you been up to? Mikey told me you can draw.” He says looking at me.
“I…um…um I guess I try?” Thanks a lot Mikey.
“I want to see them.” Gerard says.
“No, the only reason Mikey saw them is because he took my sketch book from me and was watching me draw.” I say while sipping my warm coffee.
“Please!” Gerard whines like a 3 year old.
“Oh my god fine.” I get my sketch book and grab two blankets too. Gerard looks through them and his eyes go wide.
“Damn that looks exactly like us. Do have any more hidden talents?” Gerard asks looking up at me.
“No that’s about it, well it’s 1 in the morning and the buses are moving so I guess you’re staying here for the night.” I throw him a pair of Batman pjs and a way too big for me Iron Maiden shirt.
“Hey I have been looking for these pjs and this shirt!” He says holding the clothes in his hands.
“Well I guess you found them.” I say smiling
“Night Gee love ya.” I say walking into my bedroom.
“Love ya too night.” He lays down on the couch and I throw a pillow and a blanket at him. I turn out the light and go to bed.
I lay down in my bed I can’t till we get to L.A tomorrow. Sel and Noah are coming to visit me, I really need them right now.

Notes

wrote another chapter for you lovely viewers tonight hope you enjoy. =)
-toxicfuture