Stay With Me

“Are you sure you’re okay with me going? I can stay if you want.”

Frank’s question was genuine. His large round eyes were watching me, waiting for me to ask him to stay. I wanted to; I really, really wanted to but, I refuse to be one of those girlfriends who stop their boyfriends from going out with their mates just because she was jealous/insecure/neurotic. Or in my case, all three combined. His large duffel bag was almost packed, ready for his weekend bachelor party in Las Vegas. While he would be off gallivanting, gambling, boozing and God knows what else, I would be stuck here; alone. I knew he was secretly excited about getting away, even if just for the weekend. Things were getting better between us, but there was still a tightly wound tension between us. I understood his need to escape from the crushing weight of it; I just wish I could too. Instead I would be here in the apartment with nothing but memories and regrets to taunt me with all the recent mistakes I’ve made to push Frank away. With everything that had happened, I was keenly aware that Frank might meet someone who was stable and untainted. Maybe she would be tall, blonde, thin, full of confidence and capable of being honest with him. He wouldn’t have to worry about whether he would come home to find her in a pool of her own blood. I knew he was worried about what state he’d find me in when he came back. The real question he was asking was ‘are you going to have another breakdown?’

He was dressed with comfort in mind; his t shirt was loose and his jeans were well worn. The bachelor party were taking a late night flight to Vegas tonight, and as the groom couldn’t take any more days off work, they would be back Sunday night. They wouldn’t land until one in the morning on Saturday; in reality they only had one night of debauchery. I would see Frank again Sunday, although the state I would find him in was questionable. I knew Frank and his friends had a fondness for overindulgence when it came to drink, and they were no strangers to drugs. Since we began dating I’ve never seen Frank high on anything but weed, but I wasn’t stupid. There were times when I’d gone on girlie weekends away and came home to a blood shot eyed Frank. He was responsible in his usage though; he partook occasionally and he was always able to function the next day so I never asked. If he wanted to keep a little secret to himself I could hardly be offended. I trusted him to not get into trouble, and in spite of the insecurity that niggled at me, I trusted him to remain faithful. I had no intention of hurting myself again so I had no reason to ask him to stay, other than I would miss him and I didn’t want to be alone.

“I’ll be fine. Really. Just have a good time, get drunk and lose some money.”

He smiled at me, seeking reassurance that I was telling him the truth. I returned the smile as sincerely as I could from my seated position on our bed. I wanted him to have fun, and forget about what a burden I was for a while. Maybe he would miss me a little and remember all the things he loved about me. I shut the book I held my hands, placing it on the bed beside me as I focused my attention on Frank, who was standing at the bottom of the bed folding a pair of jeans to place in his bag. He zipped the bag with a sharp pull, before dumping it unceremoniously on the floor.

“What time is Joey coming to pick you up?”

Frank pulled his phone out of his pocket, his eyes flicking to the screen before focusing on me again.

“He said he’d be here in five minutes, which means in about fifteen minutes” he muttered, sighing and running one of his broad hands through his dark hair and biting his lip, probably running through a list of everything he needed to take. I loved it when he bit his lip; it made my mind think about the wonderful things he could do with his mouth. It felt like forever since we last had sex, and him pulling an extremely attractive face just made my frustration worse.

“So, we’ve got time?”

The suggestion was evident in my voice. I’m not going to lie; I’m probably a bigger horn dog than Frank. It may have taken a while for us to finally consummate our relationship in the beginning, but once I was comfortable enough with him we were at it daily until adult life set in. Long work hours had put a slight damper on the frequency, but even on a bad week we had sex at least three times. Then I had a meltdown, and since then Frank has barely touched me. At first I was thankful for the break, but now I was dying to get back into the swing of things. Frank’s smile grew wider, further emphasised by a raised eyebrow and an excited twinkle in his eyes. He looked pleased at the prospect, which only caused my blood to heat up. He didn’t need any more encouragement to crawl on the bed, before he grabbed my leg and pulling me flat on my back. He was on top of me in a flash, his body warm and hard against mine. His lips captured my own in a hot kiss. My body reacted on pure instinct, desperate for the sexual contact I’d been denied for far too long. My hands fisted his hair, tugging on it roughly so I could deepen our kiss. My legs wrapped around his waist, forcing our hips to grind against each other. His hands found their way under my shirt, and before long his calloused fingers were touching my burning skin. They felt glorious against the delicate flesh of my stomach. I couldn’t have held back my moan even if I wanted. His tongue was meeting mine with haste and passion, rendering me unable to do anything but cling to him. My hands gripped the bottom of his top, wasting no time in pulling it off him and forcing our lips to break apart. His fingers pulled at the zip of my jeans impatiently, then hooked themselves on the belt loop, shimmying them over my hips and pulling them off my legs with ease. My hands landed on his belt buckle when the sound of cell phone intruded, earning a string of curses from Frank and a frustrated groan from me. I refused to let Frank move, keeping a tight grip on his belt when he tried to get up.

“Ignore it, they can wait a few minutes.”

“Sorry” Frank mumbled, untangling my hands from his belt and hopping off the bed before I could grab him.

“You’ve got to fucking kidding me!” I snapped, beyond furious as he dug his cell phone from out of his pocket.

“Hey man, I’ll be outside in five.”

I wanted to hit him. The three hundred page book beside me was a tempting weapon; it was close to hand, if I aimed it right it would hurt him, without leaving any marks. I wasn’t a violent person, but I badly wanted to vent my anger at him physically. All I asked was for him to ignore his phone for ten minutes, and he couldn’t do it. His friends were higher on his priority list than fucking his mentally unstable girlfriend.

“We’ll finish when I get back” Frank’s voice was soft, sounding genuinely sorry as he shoved his t short back on and picked up his duffle bag. I just glared in response; I was too angry and upset to do anything else.

“C’mon Grace, don’t be like this. I don’t want to leave while you’re angry at me.”

His eyes were wider than normal, full of innocent sadness; it was the look he gave me whenever he wanted me to do something for him. I hated how it worked every time. I relented, rolling my eyes and throwing him a little smile.

“Have fun.”

He slung his bag over his shoulder, and gave me one last kiss before rushing out the door.

*************

I would like to say that I didn’t sit at home that night, sulking at the prospect of being left on my own but, that would be a lie. I was slouching on the couch, mindlessly watching an episode of ‘The Vampire Diaries’ now that Frank wasn’t around to bitch about it. I don’t care what anybody says, I loved it. Vampires were always a source of fascination for me; the incredible strength, the immortality, the invincibility; they were things I secretly coveted. If I had their power and strength I could get the revenge that I secretly longed for. I wouldn’t have to live my life in fear of what others thought of me. Sure, not being able to go out in the sun would suck, but I saw that as a very small price to pay. Plus, Damon Salvatore has to be the hottest thing on TV. Frank knew full well that, that was the reason for my love of the show. He would glare at the TV if he saw Damon’s perfect features on the screen. Of course, I couldn’t be left in piece when I finally had the opportunity to salivate uninterrupted. I sat up with a frustrated groan when my phone buzzed, but I couldn’t help the smile that graced my face when Gerard’s name illuminated the screen.

'Star Wars or Lord of the Rings?'

My fingers were flying across the screen before I fully processed what I was typing.

' I refuse to choose. Both are excellent.’

' I'm thinking of having a movie marathon, but I can’t decide which one to pick.’

'Sounds like a good idea; I’m having one myself since Frank’s left me alone for the weekend.'

I don’t know why I told him Frank was gone. I felt like I should, like somehow it would lead something. I didn’t want to spend a weekend alone. I know seems suspicious to want to spend time with another guy the minute my boyfriend was out of the state, but I wasn’t going to think about that. If Gerard was free, and I had no plans, there was nothing necessarily untoward about spending time together. Sure, I was confused about the true nature of my feelings for Gerard, but that didn’t mean anything would happen. Anyway, it’s not as if I had asked him if he wanted to meet. I had merely informed him that I had nothing to do. My heart started to pound when half an hour went by without any reply from Gerard. What if he thought I was insinuating something other than an innocent coffee date? What if he didn’t want to spend more time with me, but he was just too polite to say so? What if-

‘Meet me at St. Helena’s park at half one.’

It was a question, or a request. He was demanding that I meet him, as though he knew I wouldn’t say no. He was right of course, I had no intention of saying no but the tone made me uncomfortable; it was so similar to Nick’s way of demand and submission. I refuse to let it bother me; Nick has penetrated so many facets of my life, and I wasn’t going to let it him ruin this for me too. Gerard was the one person who I felt true connected with; I wasn’t going to sit back and let this friendship slowly self destruct because of what Nick had done to me.

‘I’ll be there.’

Notes

*Le sigh*

Whenever I try to pull my shit together, something always gets in the way. I swear I'm trying to update my stuff more frequently, but it's just not happening. This chapter should have been twice as long, but since it's been a while since I've updated I'm posting this up now.

As always, please comment/subscribe/vote if you like. They inspire me to write even when I don't feel like it.

Lyra