The Hard Way
And if Your Heart Stops Beating
I cringed, looking at the several pills before me. It’s happening. I am going to die. I put the pills in my mouth and take a large swig of the Red Bull in front of me. I stare blankly at the black wall in front of me. I did it. I didn't back down. I’ll finally get what I've been wanting for as long as I can remember.
I lie on my bed and grab a fistful of sheets. A tear falls down my face; No notes. Suicide notes are overrated. They're awkward and if I were to write one I should have written one earlier. In this state, I may not mean the things I say.
The phone rings and I get up to walk over to it. ‘MOM’ flashes on the caller ID. I answer it, why not?
“Hello?”
“Hi hun, we’ll be home soon. What are you up to?” My mother asks. Suddenly my throat goes dry, I can barely get anything out.
“Nothing.” I say, now holding back tears. I can’t talk when I cry, my words get cut off and my voice is chokey. It’s never quite good.
“Oh, alright. We’re going out for dinner tonight, tell Mikey.” My mom says, I hear my dad scream in the background about someone cutting him off in the road.
“I don’t think I can mom, I’m feeling kind of sick tonight. I already took some Nightquil.” I say. Yea, I took some Nightquil... And Oxycodone, and Vicodin, and some heart medicine, and at least one of everything else we had, and it is going to make me sick. So I’m technically not lying.
“Oh, I wonder if you caught something from someone at school.” She said.
“I’m not sure. I have to go though, I need to take a shower.” I say. Well that was a lie.
“Oh alright, feel better. Bye, I love you!” I cringe at her words and set the phone down.
I put my face to my palms and sit down on my bed. The tears begin to roll off my face like a waterfall. This was it. I’m done. What would Mikey do? Would he be upset? Would he care? I doubt he would. We’re not that close. He’ll get over it. So will my parents.
I wonder what the kids at school will do. They won’t feel bad. Some may, but just in the “Oh no, a kid from our school killed himself, how sad even though we don’t know him.” kind of way. Most of them will just be glad the faggots gone I bet. I laugh at myself.
“I’m so fucked up.” I say as I lay my face down to the pillow and doze off into the blackness that awaits me.
I lie on my bed and grab a fistful of sheets. A tear falls down my face; No notes. Suicide notes are overrated. They're awkward and if I were to write one I should have written one earlier. In this state, I may not mean the things I say.
The phone rings and I get up to walk over to it. ‘MOM’ flashes on the caller ID. I answer it, why not?
“Hello?”
“Hi hun, we’ll be home soon. What are you up to?” My mother asks. Suddenly my throat goes dry, I can barely get anything out.
“Nothing.” I say, now holding back tears. I can’t talk when I cry, my words get cut off and my voice is chokey. It’s never quite good.
“Oh, alright. We’re going out for dinner tonight, tell Mikey.” My mom says, I hear my dad scream in the background about someone cutting him off in the road.
“I don’t think I can mom, I’m feeling kind of sick tonight. I already took some Nightquil.” I say. Yea, I took some Nightquil... And Oxycodone, and Vicodin, and some heart medicine, and at least one of everything else we had, and it is going to make me sick. So I’m technically not lying.
“Oh, I wonder if you caught something from someone at school.” She said.
“I’m not sure. I have to go though, I need to take a shower.” I say. Well that was a lie.
“Oh alright, feel better. Bye, I love you!” I cringe at her words and set the phone down.
I put my face to my palms and sit down on my bed. The tears begin to roll off my face like a waterfall. This was it. I’m done. What would Mikey do? Would he be upset? Would he care? I doubt he would. We’re not that close. He’ll get over it. So will my parents.
I wonder what the kids at school will do. They won’t feel bad. Some may, but just in the “Oh no, a kid from our school killed himself, how sad even though we don’t know him.” kind of way. Most of them will just be glad the faggots gone I bet. I laugh at myself.
“I’m so fucked up.” I say as I lay my face down to the pillow and doze off into the blackness that awaits me.
Dude please update
3/5/15