When i was a young boy (Well not that young)
Chapter 6: I've got my battle scars but i never thought you'd notice.
I stare into his eyes with a pained look. We've only known each other for a couple of days yet all of these emotions come flooding out of his eye. He really cares and i don't know how. Look at me, i'm a wreck.
"How could you do this to yourself?" He whispers.
"It feels good." I shrug. I couldn't look into his eyes anymore, I couldn't portray my pain.
"Why did you originally."
"Because of last summer. Because I feel worthless, and my life is racing by without me and i con't control it and this is the one thing i can control. Because every time i bring that blade to my wrist i feel this overwhelming relief flood over me. I feel like everything will go back to the way they should be, to the places they belong. Thats why." I can barely contain my tears. How could i even know if i could trust Frank and yet i was pouring my soul out to him. He looks at me with sad eyes and says,
"I know exactly how you feel." He extends his arms and there they are, ghosts of old deep scars littering his beautiful skin. I can't contain myself anymore and i start to sob. He pulls me out of the tub and i curl up into his lap sobbing and sniffling. He kisses my forehead and traces circles on my back.
"It's okay sweetheart, everything gets better. It always gets better." I can hear the tears in his voice. He pulls my hand gently out of my lap and starts kissing my wrist. 56 kisses for 56 scars. He puts a towel around my shivering body and picks me up carrying me to my bedroom and placing me on the bed. He pulls the covers over my body and kneels down besides the bed so his face is close to mine. I look at him through hazy eyes and he kisses my knuckles.
"I know how it feels to regret being born," He says, "I know those days where you feel as though nothing could ever get better and you could disappear and no one would care. But now i know that that that will never be true for you. You will always have me and you will always have Mikey. I've never ever ever felt this strongly about a person. You had me melting the moment i saw you sit down at my bar. You are a beautiful person who deserves the most out of the world. I'm going ot do everything i can to give that to you yeah? I know how hard it is to stop but just try please. For me?"
I sit there a moment in shock before I nod my head slowly. My brain was very nearly melting out of my brain. He cared. A lot. Before i can actually say anything he stands up. His jeans are all wet where i had curled up on top of him.
"I have to go change and go to work okay lovely? You take a nap and i'll be back before you know it?" He gives me a smile and kisses my cheek.
"Okay sugar." I smile at him weakly and he backs out of the room.
I couldn't believe it. He had fallen for me. Me! Little gawky Gerard. The guy who fell hard and fast and always got left behind. And Frank fell for me. I smile a little more. I'm gonna try and stop. For him. I have something to live for now.
FRANK P.O.V.*
I sat in my car on my way home from the bar shift. It was almost 2:00AM but i was wide awake. My boss was really pissed at me for leaving early yesterday but Ray is a pretty cool guy and he understood why i needed to. He only left me with a warning. I sighed heavily. I really didn't want to go home. Not because i didn't want to see Gerard. Of course not. With him, it was love at first sight. No it wasn't Gerard. It was what i had to tell Gerard. The truth of yesterday. The reason I left my job just to bring him home with me. I pulled up to the apartment garage and parked my car. I sat there in the silence for a moment before pushing the door open and climbing out of my little blue VW. I locked it and climbed up the stairs to the second floor. I reach out to open the door but i hesitate. What was i going to say. I was terrible at shaping my word into feelings. I knew he would be asking why i would leave my job just for him. He had self esteem problems. He wouldn't believe the lies i could tell him. I had to tell him the truth. But how. Sighing again, I push open the door quietly. Maybe he was asleep and this whole conversation wouldn't occur. The door closes shut behind me. Mikey is asleep on the couch and an Italian drama is on the T.V. on mute. I chuckle a little. I creep into Gerard's room and to my relief he was sound asleep. I slip out into the hallway and into my room. I sink down onto my bed, striping off my clothing and climbing into bed. I was safe tonight. I didn't have to tell him the truth yet. I didn't have to tell him that last night I was planning on killing myself.
"How could you do this to yourself?" He whispers.
"It feels good." I shrug. I couldn't look into his eyes anymore, I couldn't portray my pain.
"Why did you originally."
"Because of last summer. Because I feel worthless, and my life is racing by without me and i con't control it and this is the one thing i can control. Because every time i bring that blade to my wrist i feel this overwhelming relief flood over me. I feel like everything will go back to the way they should be, to the places they belong. Thats why." I can barely contain my tears. How could i even know if i could trust Frank and yet i was pouring my soul out to him. He looks at me with sad eyes and says,
"I know exactly how you feel." He extends his arms and there they are, ghosts of old deep scars littering his beautiful skin. I can't contain myself anymore and i start to sob. He pulls me out of the tub and i curl up into his lap sobbing and sniffling. He kisses my forehead and traces circles on my back.
"It's okay sweetheart, everything gets better. It always gets better." I can hear the tears in his voice. He pulls my hand gently out of my lap and starts kissing my wrist. 56 kisses for 56 scars. He puts a towel around my shivering body and picks me up carrying me to my bedroom and placing me on the bed. He pulls the covers over my body and kneels down besides the bed so his face is close to mine. I look at him through hazy eyes and he kisses my knuckles.
"I know how it feels to regret being born," He says, "I know those days where you feel as though nothing could ever get better and you could disappear and no one would care. But now i know that that that will never be true for you. You will always have me and you will always have Mikey. I've never ever ever felt this strongly about a person. You had me melting the moment i saw you sit down at my bar. You are a beautiful person who deserves the most out of the world. I'm going ot do everything i can to give that to you yeah? I know how hard it is to stop but just try please. For me?"
I sit there a moment in shock before I nod my head slowly. My brain was very nearly melting out of my brain. He cared. A lot. Before i can actually say anything he stands up. His jeans are all wet where i had curled up on top of him.
"I have to go change and go to work okay lovely? You take a nap and i'll be back before you know it?" He gives me a smile and kisses my cheek.
"Okay sugar." I smile at him weakly and he backs out of the room.
I couldn't believe it. He had fallen for me. Me! Little gawky Gerard. The guy who fell hard and fast and always got left behind. And Frank fell for me. I smile a little more. I'm gonna try and stop. For him. I have something to live for now.
FRANK P.O.V.*
I sat in my car on my way home from the bar shift. It was almost 2:00AM but i was wide awake. My boss was really pissed at me for leaving early yesterday but Ray is a pretty cool guy and he understood why i needed to. He only left me with a warning. I sighed heavily. I really didn't want to go home. Not because i didn't want to see Gerard. Of course not. With him, it was love at first sight. No it wasn't Gerard. It was what i had to tell Gerard. The truth of yesterday. The reason I left my job just to bring him home with me. I pulled up to the apartment garage and parked my car. I sat there in the silence for a moment before pushing the door open and climbing out of my little blue VW. I locked it and climbed up the stairs to the second floor. I reach out to open the door but i hesitate. What was i going to say. I was terrible at shaping my word into feelings. I knew he would be asking why i would leave my job just for him. He had self esteem problems. He wouldn't believe the lies i could tell him. I had to tell him the truth. But how. Sighing again, I push open the door quietly. Maybe he was asleep and this whole conversation wouldn't occur. The door closes shut behind me. Mikey is asleep on the couch and an Italian drama is on the T.V. on mute. I chuckle a little. I creep into Gerard's room and to my relief he was sound asleep. I slip out into the hallway and into my room. I sink down onto my bed, striping off my clothing and climbing into bed. I was safe tonight. I didn't have to tell him the truth yet. I didn't have to tell him that last night I was planning on killing myself.
Notes
OH DAMN. Did you see that coming? I think not! Anywho. Sorry i took a bit, the homework never ends i'm telling you. Another update coming up REALLY SOON. Like in a couple of hours soon.Stay Classy and Stay Strong :)
Will this EVER be updated??? X
5/22/14