"No I'm sure you go have fun, tell the guys I said hi" he said, waving Mikey off before closing the frontdoor and returning to his room.
After what happened at the mall he decided that it was for the better to secure his sanity by staying in the confines of his own room instead of wearing an uncomfortable suit in a gym full of sweaty teenagers.
If he reacted that badly about Frank just flirting with a girl, he couldn't imagine what he'd do if he saw Frank actually dancing with her and kissing her.
He wasn't one for public dramatic behaviour but homecoming had involved alcohol since sophomore year, alcohol and a heart that was well on it's way to get semi-broken were a recipe for disaster.

So instead he decided to stay at home and make himself useful on his lonesome friday night by sending out some online college applications.
His art teacher had recommended him a few, raving about one in particulair and how that school would help Gerard expand his talents to their full potential, it wouldn't be easy for him to get accepted to that school but his teacher had promised to write an exceptional recommendation letter if he'd apply.
The only problem was that it would also be the one school that would distance him from what he was familiar with the most.
He hadn't even told anybody about this opportunity, for one because he wasn't even sure he was going to apply and second, because he was scared of their reactions.

Maybe they wouldn't even care, maybe they'd be happy for him, it would certainly make him happy, a part of him that was.
Because the other part of him, which felt much stronger, was telling him to stay in Jersey, where he was born and raised, the state and area he knew so well, too well.
At the same time it was home, it was where his family lived, his friends, Frank.
It would be a decision that would define his entire future, it made him nervous while his finger hovered over his mouse button, the cursor lingering over "send".
He sighed and closed his laptop, he wasn't ready to make that choice yet, he still had enough time to send out applications and even though no one was forcing him to go, if he got accepted into that one college he just [i]had[/i] to.

He walked upstairs, the livingroom was empty and he heard his mother on the phone in the kitchen, when he walked in she was chatting away while gesturing for him to wait with the hand she was holding her cigarette with.
He shrugged and walked to the fridge to grab himself a couple of cans of coke to bring back to his room, he didn't have any alcohol left after the past few weekends so tonight he'd just have to settle for a sugar rush.
"Yes, yes, see you in 20 honey, bye" his mother said quickly to end the conversation, rolling her eyes at him which made him laugh.
"Sweetie, your father is having a few drinks with some guys from work and I'm going to the movies with a couple of friends, are you sure you don't want me to drop you off at the dance?" she asked flattening out his hair with her free hand "if you drag a brush through your hair and pull on your suit I bet you'll be the most handsome boy there, don't tell your brother I said that".
He chuckled "nah ma I'm sure, I needed some time for myself anyway" he pecked a kiss on her cheek "you go have fun, I'm just gonna watch some TV in my room, maybe send out some college applications" he said.

Back in his room he got through his first can of soda and first episode of South Park episode when he heard his mother yell down the stairs that she was leaving and that she loved him, he screamed back the loved her too, he heard the door open it took a little too long to close though he thought.

The reason for the front door taking long to close came barging through his bedroom door without warning, startling him.
"What the hell is this crap about you ditching prom, c'mon throw on your suit" Frank said without much of a hello, instead walking straight past Gerard to rummage through his closet.
He sighed, his heart still pounding at Frank's attempt of a civil entrance, he got up and stood next to Frank "I'm not going".
Frank, in his slacks, fancy shirt and suspenders, turned around and crossed his arms "you're going, everyone's going" he stated.
Gerard shrugged "I don't care, everyone sounds like a lot of people so I'm sure I won't be missed" he said, leaning back against the wall.

Frank took a step closer and leaned his forehead against Gerard's "ahw come on, y'know it won't be any fun without you there" he whispered, softly placing one of his hands on Gerard's hip.
Gerard turned his head to the side just before Frank could kiss him and stepped away to sit down on his bed "thought you'd have enough fun with that girl from the mall, and y'know getting laid and stuff like that" he retorted.
Frank's face fell "so that's what this is about?" he asked, again getting closer to Gerard who stood up, suddenly done with the whole situation.
"I don't know Frank, you tell me what the fuck all of this is about because I sure as hell don't know" he snapped.
"What the fuck are you talking about" Frank retorted.
Gerard ran a hand through his hair and shook his head "how am I supposed to feel when you're off banging everything that walks while I sit around in my room wondering when I can have one fucking minute alone with you".
"Damn it, I thought we had a fucking deal about this" Frank bit back.
"Well fuck me for wanting more and thinking that we were actually heading somewhere right?" Gerard mocked.
Frank softly shoved at him "this isn't fucking fair, don't make me look like I'm the fucking bad guy here I told you that I didn't want anything serious".
Gerard shoved back "oh so I am? Well fuck you Frank" he growled.
"Fuck you too" Frank said, his eyes angry and hands twisted in Gerard's shirt, Gerard stared down at him, he could swear that his blood was boiling and he was furious.

He didn't quite comprehend why he chose that moment to smash his lips against Frank's but he did anyway.
Frank's hold on his shirt only thightened, Gerard turned them around and threw Frank on his bed, crawling on top of him.
When he bit Frank's lip while grinding his hips down he could hear him moan and feel his short nails scraping down his back.
"I swear you get under my skin sometimes" Frank groaned with gritted teeth, in answer Gerard bit his neck and sucked at the sore skin "yeah well see if that girl still wants you if she sees what your neck looks like now" he bit down again for extra messure.
Frank made a quick move to turn them over so he was now straddling Gerard, he rocked his hips against the other while leaning down to whisper in his ear "no one wants me as much as you do".
Gerard dug his fingers into Frank's hips and turned his head to catch his lips "and you don't want anybody as much as you want me" he muttered against them.
Gerard could feel Frank's breath hitch when he said that, suddenly they fell still, the thightness in their pants becoming a second thought.
Frank lay down on Gerard, with his head tucked under his chin, resting on his chest where he could hear his heart thump.

Neither of them said anything while Gerard ran a hand up and down Frank's back in slow motions.
"So." Frank broke the silence.
Gerard stopped moving his arm "so."
"Alright we know that it's true what we both just said right, you know that I don't want-"
"Yeah, I know" Gerard interrupted Frank's stammering, he didn't know what had made him act so boldly, maybe the fact that apart from all the confusing stuff they were still best friends, best friends who'd never been shy around eachother.
"I want you, just you, I thought I'd be okay with being friends with the extra stuff but I'm not, I want us to be a thing" he continued.
On top of him Frank sighed and sat up to look at Gerard "I can't do [i]us[/i] not now, I want you too, really but-" again he couldn't finish his sentence, this time because Gerard had carefully pushed him off of him, shaking his head.
"Either you fucking want me or you don't, come on Frank I'm not a fucking toy" Gerard pleaded, Frank just got up from the bed "why can't we just be like this" he asked, softly touching the side of Gerard's face, panic flaring up in his eyes.
Gerard recoiled from Frank's fingers "because it's not enough, why don't you get it" he said with his voice cracking.

At first Frank didn't say anything, he just looked at Gerard with sad eyes and got up from the bed, before he walked through the door that led to the stairs he muttered a barely audible sorry.
Just like that he was gone, Gerard could hear the frontdoor open and close a mere few seconds later.
For about an hour he just sat in his room, staring at random stains on his wall, clothes on the floor and things on his desk.
For a quiet evening in this had turned out to be quite the opposite.
He was still restless, angry, disappointed and tired from all the thinking about what could be if Frank would just try.
On his cheeks the few tears he shed had already dried up, if anyone could see him now they'd just write him off as yet another gloomy teen.
The saddest thing he thought, was that he was just a gloomy teen, a 17 year old who thought he had a broken heart but knew fuck all about life, a Jersey boy who never left his room, who could literally count his friends on one hand and was scared of anything outside his comfort zone.
he sat up and crawled across his bed, close enough to his desk to grab his laptop, he put it down infront of him and opened it.
It had gone on standby mode so it took a minute for his Return of the Jedi background to pop up, the pages he left open where still there, he clicked on the one with the application form for the school that would change his life.

He'd already filled in his information, uploaded scans of his portfolio and all he had to do was press send, and with one click he did, if he got accepted he was going, no question.

He closed the laptop again and lay on his side, hugging one of his pillows, Frank's scent was everywhere on his sheets and clothes, as a steady reminder of what he couldn't have.
It was for the better he thought, this way he could make something of himself, meet new people, forget about Jersey and forget about Frank.
If he got accepted it would only be a few more months before he could completely reboot, be a new and improved Gerard with a clean slate.
At the same time he didn't want to be anybody else, it felt safe to be part of his dorky group of friends, who were all out tonight, he'd miss them, just as much as he'd miss Frank just differently.
He squeezed his eyes shut, he was overthinking, maybe the wouldn't even want him, maybe his work was not good enough, his style too humdrum to secure him a spot.

It wasn't even midnight, yet his eyes were starting to feel heavy, he decided to just go with it and slowly fell asleep on the covers of his bed, still clutching the pillow and still smelling Frank everywhere.

-
Frank's pov

Behind the wheel of his mother's car, clutching it hard enough to turn his knuckles white, Frank was sitting in the school parking lot.
The music coming from the gym was loud and even in the car he could feel it thump, he wondered what his friends were doing, if they missed him.
Not that he cared, after racing away from the Way residence, now he'd been waiting in the parking lot for an hour atleast.
Going in was simple, he could have fun, kiss a girl or two and more things that he didn't even really want.
Because he knew it and Gerard knew it too, that the only person he really wanted was now left alone in his basement bedroom because Frank didn't have the guts to give in to his feelings.
Giving in to your feelings meant that he was vulnerable, if he was vulnerable he could get hurt, and he couldn't let that happen, atleast not by Gerard, he needed him in his life and as his best friend he'd atleast have him in some way.

He sighed and leaned back in the carseat, rubbing the palms of his hands in his eyes, they corners, if he could be anywhere right now it wouldn't be in his chilly car, nor the sweaty gym, rather next to his best friend, to kiss him, hold him and be held by him, safe and sound.
But with heartache on the horizon it was better to sink this ship right away, better to let these feelings pass than to fall in too deep, even if it meant skipping out on the good things too.
This way they could still be friends, still function as a group, Gerard would forget about him soon enough, he wasn't anything special.

He was destined to stay here in his hometown, maybe get a job in one of the countless malls, one of those people who have their peak in high school and even here wasn't anything great.
Ray and Bob were already talking about starting up their own recording studio when Bob would graduate, Mikey was making connections here and there, enough to get him on his way when he'd be done with high school, Gerard would go to some art school, come home every other weekend but eventually get lost in the high life.
He'd stay behind, wave everyone goodbye and wish them well, go to some community college, study a subject he didn't care for and come home to his guitar and maybe the odd "we should totally hang out sometime dude" text from one of his friends that would be sent out of nostalgic decency rather than to make actual plans.

No one knew about this, his thoughts and fears for the future that krept closer each passing second, he wasn't planning on telling them either.
It would only make things more difficult, he was Frank fucking Iero, light at heart and the class clown, thorn in the eye of all their teachers and professional heart breaker.
It was so easy to be like that, to just pretend that this was all there was to life, that he wouldn't wake up one day only to feel sick of how average each moment had become without him even noticing.
He looked up, a couple came stumbling outside, they were holding hands and laughing together, the boy spun the girl around, it looked ridiculous, Frank thought.
But in all honesty ridiculous was all he wanted, he wanted to fall in love with Gerard, he wanted to hold his hand and spin him around, he wanted to sit half in his lap while watching a movie, and kiss him before falling asleep in his arms.
It was better this way though, after all, he couldn't lose what he never had, he thought.
He took one last look at the happy couple before turning the key in his ignition so he could drive home.