He sat there, not sure how to react. It's not like it was the first time Gerard got in touch with him since the breakup, but seeing his name on the screen still made Frank's insides twist. What could he want? Frank knew he shouldn't expect anything big, but you can't really control your mind. Plus, he still wasn't sure how he felt. Was he still angry? Disappointed? Just plain upset? Whatever it was, Gerard made him feel something. And it wasn't good.

He took a deep breath and opened the e-mail. He frowned when he realized there was nothing besides a file- a music file. Gerard was sending him a song?

He put on his headphones and opened it, paying close attention. He instantly recognized the voice; it was a Placebo song. Probably from their last record, that came out a few days before. He knew Gerard was a fan. He also knew this was going to have a meaning.

There wasn't much I used to need
A smile would blow a summer breeze through
My heart

Now my mistakes are haunting me
Like winter came and put a freeze on
My heart

Frank sighed. This was about the split, wasn't it? He could almost feel it. It was.

I've lost the power to understand
What it takes to be a man with
My heart

I saw you wanted this to end
You tried your best to be a friend to
My heart

He wanted this to end? Gerard couldn't be referring to Frank. Or maybe he was; there were many things Frank definitely wanted to end back then. The pain, the doubts, the fights. Not the band. Not the love.

But I'm leaving
This worried town
Please, no grieving
My love, understand

Frank started having flashbacks. He wished he could stop them.

Whenever I was feeling wrong
I used to go and write a song from
My heart

. . . Coming from behind him, spying on what he was writing, smiling, receiving a smile back. . .

But now I feel I've lost my spark
No more glowing in the dark for
My heart

. . . Years later, no more smiles, watching him struggle with himself, cursing the words, throwing papers away, "what the fuck am I doing?". . .

So I'm leaving
This worried town
Please, no grieving
My love, understand

. . . Months passing by, an idea forming on his mind, everyone could see it, no one wanted to believe. . .

Understand

. . . He told everyone but him, the one special guy, the one who could scream and cry more than anyone else he ever met, the one who would hate him, the one who would always love him. . .

Can't you see I'm sick of fighting?
Understand

. . . "No, no Gerard, I can't see it, why are you doing this? I thought we were moving on? I thought we had more?". . .

Can't you tell I've lost my way?
Understand

. . . "But it's not fair, you can't do that, all of you guys agree with this? With him? All of you? Be honest with me, don't lie, don't you fucking dare!". . .

Look at me there's no denying
Understand

. . . "But.. but I... Gee...". . .

I won't last another day

"Me neither", Frank whispered.

Could he understand? Could anyone? It wasn't easy for him. But damn, it wasn't easy for Gerard either.

All my dreaming torn in pieces
All my dreaming torn in pieces

Frank didn't want to cry, but when he felt the tears coming, he didn't try to stop them.

If it was his dream that was dead, why did he kill it?

All my dreaming torn in pieces
Now

Frank stayed there long after the song was over. He didn't know what Gerard wanted to tell him, and didn't know if he cared.

He laughed bitterly. Of course he cared.

He listened to the door of the room being opened and closed his eyes when Jamia's hands rested upon his shoulders.

"What is it?", she asked.

"He sent me something.", Frank replied, passing the headphones to his wife and playing the song again. She already knew who 'he' was. He waited for her until the song was over. He didn't feel like moving or talking anyway. He was feeling numb... again. That feeling was far too common nowadays.

"This is beautiful", Jamia then said, moving to stand besides Frank, loooking down on him. "And terrible."

"What do you think he meant?"

"You know what he meant. It's what he's been trying to tell you since it all happened. It's what he's been trying to tell everyone."

Frank loved and hated how Jamia could say exactly what he needed, but didn't want to hear.

"He had to do it", Frank said quietly.

"He had to do it", she repeated.

After a few seconds, she leaned in and kissed his forehead, before saying, "Think about what you're going to send him back. Deep inside, you probably know it already."

Frank nodded and watched as she left the room. Then he focused again on the screen. What could he reply to that?

Then it hit him.

He looked for the song online, slightly amused at the fact he was going to illegally download it, and immediately put in his reply. He wasn't going to say anything at first, but he changed his mind and added just a few words-

"Listen to all of it."

He stopped. He knew what that was going to mean. But he, too, had to do it. So he clicked, and it was gone.

- - -

Gerard didn't know he was waiting for it until it was there. He knew Frank was going to reply with a song. But he had no idea it was going to be that one. He sadly smiled to himself, knowing exactly what part of that Frank most wanted him to hear.

Don't stop if I fall
And don't look back
Oh baby, don't stop, bury me
And fade to black

Gerard was glad that Frank could understand that he had needed to let go.

And now he knew, Frank was also letting him go.

Notes

Why do I enjoy mcrying like that. ;-;
Anyway, what do you guys think?