Can I be the only hope for you?

“Is there something going on between you and Frank?”

He looks right into my eyes. His eyes were pleading for a quick answer from me. I looked back at him unbelievable. How can he come up with a thought like that? I don’t know how to answer back because there is no answer for his question. I tried to calm myself and chuckled after heard his question.

“There is nothing going on between us. We’re friend just like you and me. Don’t we?”

I asked him back. He looks relieved after heard my answer. I don’t know why but I swear, I saw he was smiling a little after knowing that there is nothing happen between Frank and me. It’s kind of weird when Gerard acted like that. But in these three months being friend with him, he’s quite different from Mikey and Frank. Mikey and Frank will always act childish when they see me. We don’t have any gap between us as they will hug and kiss my cheek whenever they want to. But, Gerard won’t do that with me. He never hugs me or doing things like Mikey and Frank. Maybe because he was two years older than me and that kind of attitude was not matured at all. I came back to reality when Gerard’s cold hands were linked with my hands and it looks like he wanted to say something but he still holding it back.

“Arianna, I－”

Gerard’s word stopped there when we heard someone’s coughing. I turned back and saw Frank smiling to me.

“What the hell are you guys doing here? Come on, I’d chose a movie and Mikey don’t want to start without you guys”

Gerard still holding my hands probably didn’t realized that Frank will saw at anytime. I quickly stood up and released my hand from his grip. I grabbed the can drinks in front me, and suddenly Frank stand beside me and put his arm around my waist and gestured me to the living room. It was too quick and I can’t even say no to Frank. I don’t know what the hell is going on with him. I’m sure Gerard was surprised too with Frank’s action because he was totally froze; not moving when he saw Frank pulled my waist.

If I put aside the awkward situation that happened between me and Frank, the movies went well actually. We watched bunch of horror movies, mostly picked by Frank and Mikey. I’m not a fan of horror movies, and I screamed a lot. Mikey teased me by saying that he get shocked not because of the movies, but because of my horrible screaming. Frank, who sit beside me also keep teasing me whenever the suspense part of the movie appears. Lots of scream and laugh between me, Frank and Mikey during the movies, but not with Gerard. He doesn’t talk much and at some point I think he was expressionless. I secretly looked at him as he was sitting next to Mikey on the couch, and I swear our eyes connected because he’s checking on me. He looks uncomfortable each time Frank talks to me. I’m not sure what’s going on but somehow I felt there is some tense in the house. It was almost two in the morning when our movies party ends. Mikey has already fall into deep sleep. Frank yawns like a hundred times and I’m sure he will stay at Gerard’s house because he start to lay on the couch once I stand up to get ready to go home. Gerard looks like he was sleepy too but he need to bear with it because he is the one who need to send me home.

“Are you really want to go back home? Just stay here tonight. You can sleep here with me if you want to.”

Frank pats the couch asking me to stay and lay beside him. I stick out my tongue to him and he laughed. He quickly grabbed my jacket when I was ready to move. Gerard suddenly stood up from his place and grabbed Frank’s hand harshly. His face turns totally red.

“Fuck!” Frank muttered and from lying on couch, he sit back to face Gerard.

“Stop whatever you are trying to do with her. She’s our friend. Show some respect”

“I love Arianna! You can’t stop me!”

“WHAT?!” Gerard and I both asked Frank immediately. I don’t know which I should be surprised with. Frank’s confession or Gerard’s reaction on Frank’s confession. Frank was totally crazy. How come he suddenly came up with these crazy things?

While I keep thinking about what is wrong with Frank, Gerard suddenly jumped on Frank and grabbed his collar. I gasped not knowing what to do and screamed Gerard’s name. I’m afraid something will happen between them. Mikey suddenly awake probably heard my screaming and be more awaken when he saw Gerard’s holding Frank’s collar.

“Gee, what the hell is happening here?” Mikey tries to make Gerard release Frank’s collar.

“Mikey, you better stay out of this.” Gerard sounds furious. I just stand there unsure what to do.

Fuck! What is happening here? Can I just go back home? I’m still shocked with Frank’s confession and now, Gerard is doing something stupid to his best friend. Wait! All of this because of me!

“What is wrong, Gee? Why do you suddenly get angry if I love her? You should support me dude. We are friends, right? Unless if you－”

“Shut the fuck up Frank. Don’t you dare say it. She is our friend. You can’t love her.”

“I can’t love her? Gosh, are you kidding me?! Who are you to say that I can’t love her? Unless if you want her all by yourself!”

The next thing that I know was Gerard punched Frank really hard on his face. Frank’s nose bleeding and he’s smiling. HE WAS SMILING even Gerard hurt him. What the fuck is going on with him?

“Gerard, stop it!” Mikey quickly grabbed Gerard and I sit beside Frank to see if he was okay. Gerard tries to escape from Mikey’s but Mikey got him still.

“Frank, are you okay? Your nose is bleeding. You should clean it up.”

Frank smile at me and his hand cupped my face. My heart beats fast because I know Gerard is looking at us and his glare was scary. His glare seems like he can rip off Frank easily.

“Arianna, you such a sweet girl. Honestly, I do like you. You are the best girl I’ve ever met and I’m so glad that I know you. I’m sorry because I have to do this. Or else, my stupid friend here won’t be able to show his true feelings to you.”

Frank stood up and motion slowly to Gerard. I try to calm myself and try to understand each of words that spill out from Frank’s mouth. I looked at Gerard and I can see his eyes full with guilty. Maybe he just realized that he should not punch his best friend. Suddenly I feel anger boils inside me. I feel angry because Frank do this stupid thing just because of his best friend, I feel angry because Gerard punch his best friend and mostly angry to myself because I’m the reason of all this.

“Gee, how long have we been friends? I know you very well. You shouldn’t hide your feelings. From start when you told me about Arianna, I know very well on your feelings even you don’t realize it. Put away the past, move on. You deserved to be happy again. Mikey and I, we both agree that you guys can make a good couple.”

I swear I saw Gerard’s eyes teary. He’s holding back his tears. What does Frank mean by put away the past? What had happen with Gerard before this? I still confused with all of this. I think I already get some picture on what is actually happening here. I want to run away but my feet won’t move. Gerard hugged Frank and I heard him muttered ‘I’m sorry’ to Frank.

“Well, I think we should let them talk. Mikey, can I sleep at your room tonight? I need to clean the blood too. Fuck, it was really hurt” Frank laughed and it sounded awkward to me but I don’t want to care it much. I didn’t even notice when Frank and Mikey disappeared and leaving me with Gerard alone. We still in our position of awkwardness and trust me, I don’t like it. Gerard slowly approaching me and sit beside me. I couldn’t look at him and keep staring at my hands. Gerard suddenly took my hand and made me look at him.

“Arianna, I’m sorry for all these craps. Uhh, I…I.. how should I put this?”

I tried to say something but my voice stuck at my lungs. Gerard, please. Don’t say it Gerard. I can’t accept it. I will hurt you. No, this can kill our friendship. Suddenly, I felt Gerard’s warm lips on mine. He kissed me! It was short but enough to let me know his feelings. I can feel that my body want to give a response when I heard a whisper of ‘Remember me’. Leo!

I pushed and looked Gerard shockingly. I can’t do this. I can’t accept this. This wasn’t right. Gerard should not have any feelings towards me. Without thinking, I stood up from my place.

“I probably should go home now.”

I head to the door without waiting Gerard to reply me. I don’t even look back at Gerard. He must be hurt by my reaction just now. This can kill our friendship. No, it already killed our friendship. I don’t know what is in me, but I heard Leo whispered to me just now. It was when Gerard kissed me. I heard Leo. Am I crazy? I walked by the street through the coldness and just when I got my feet on the ground, I cried. I can’t walk anymore, my heart hurts. I don’t know why I am hurt. Is it because I missed Leo or is it because I hurt Gerard’s feeling. I’m confused and afraid. Part of me felt guilty to Leo because for all this time, he was my love. I shouldn’t do this. I should shut my feelings. And part of me felt hurt because deep down inside my heart, I know I had fallen for Gerard. I do have feelings towards him, but I can’t let it happen. I fell on my knees and tries to hold my tears but I just can’t hold it when suddenly I hear someone’s calling my name.

“Arianna”

After what happened, his voice is the last thing I want to hear.

Notes

This update goes to awesome people. Yes, that is you!

Stay beautiful
xoxo