Shit! What am I supposed to do? It’s not like I’m gonna meet him again just because of his fucking book. Oh no, my drawing book is probably with him now. This is so embarrassing. He will be the last person in this world to look at my drawings. Whatever, I will just leave this shit for a moment and focusing on my mom who will come any minute from now. I texted Jane to tell her that mom will come by to take me for lunch and we’ll be having dinner together and asked her to invite Ryan.

I spent my half of day with my mom. She looks really happy to see me look so lively since I moved out from my own house. She asked a lot of things especially about making friends. I just smiled and keep on changing the topic when she gets into friends thing. She didn't mention about Adam and Amanda even when I’m asking. Probably she doesn't want me to attach with them anymore since they were part of my past. She can’t do that, but I will let this go for once because I don’t want her to be upset anymore. I just want her to see that actually her daughter had ‘moved on’ and maybe she’ll take me back home with her. Yeah, that’s the plan.

After helping mom prepare for dinner, she suddenly shot me with unexpected question.

“Since when did you wear long sleeves? You were not always like this especially at home” She said looking straight to my eyes.

I pulled down my long sleeves and playing with my smooth long brunette hairs that falling over my face. I laughed at her question, awkwardly.

“Is it wrong to try some new style in new place, mom? You worry too much. Come, I’ll show you my room. Jane decorates it really nice and I want you to have a look” I quickly take her hand made her following me. I don’t want any more suspicious question came out from her mouth, so this is the better way to distract her.

My room is quite small but really comfortable. My favorite place in my room is this square couch near the corner of the window. I’ve always sit there crying after cutting myself. I sit near the window and hoping that Leo could see how miserable I am without him, and just want him to know that even I’m not dead yet, my world turns to hell.

“Oh honey. This is so nice. I’m happy that you like living here.” Mom did not realize that I’m pacing out thinking about Leo and I thanked her for that. I need to convince her that I’m actually moved on.

“Oh, look here. What a lovely drawing you have here.” Mom sat on my bed and reaches the drawing book and takes a closer look of the drawing.

I sit beside of her and looking at the drawing. It was full with darkness yet so fascinating. There is this dark angel guy looking down sadly at the girl he’s carrying. This girl wears ballerina dress all in black and she’s actually dead! There is tears falling down from the face of the dark angel guy but it turns to blood when it falls on the floor. I gasped. I’m shaking. This is hurting me. His lover was dead and he’s still not ready for it and he keeps crying for her. I just felt like it just same as my situation. I’m still crying for Leo’s death and now there is bloods all over from my cutting. I can’t breathe properly right now. What is happening to me?

“Arianna, are you all right dear? Oh my god, what is happening? Arianna??” Mom suddenly got panicked, looking at me gasping for more breathe.

“We’re home!!!!!!” I’ve heard Jane and Ryan’s voice and I’ve heard mom screaming and crying and suddenly everything just go blanked. Again.

“Hey, how’s your feeling? Can you open your eyes? Aunt Kellie, I think she’s up!!”

I open my eyes slowly and I see mom, Jane and Ryan around my bed.

“What’s happening? How long did I’ve—“

“You actually young lady, got a panic attack and you scared the shit all over us because you fainted like an hour or so” Jane sounds so like my mom and actually she didn’t even let me finished my words. Feel sorry for Ryan. But, wait! Panic attack? Are you kidding me? Why am I getting a panic attack just because I’ve looked at a drawing? This is insane!

“Mom, I’m hungry. Can we eat now?” I gave mom a puppy look, trying to tell her that I am fucking hungry. But it is just a plan to make them distracted from my panic attack story and mom is actually buying it.

“Oh, she’s hungry. Come, let’s all of us enjoying our dinner together” Mom pulled my hand over and leads me to the dining table.

Dining table becomes more loud after that because Jane got this whole of stupid jokes and mom just can’t stop laughing. Ryan on the other hand, surprisingly is lot crazier than Jane. I’m really happy looking at them together and start to feel sad because I can be like Jane too if Leo is still here with me. I let go a deep sighed and Ryan realized it. When he about to ask me, suddenly there is a bell rang on our apartment. Thank god, bell saved me tonight!

“I’ll have that” Ryan quickly open the door and I’ve heard he’s talking to someone. Maybe some jerks who’ve got drunk and got a wrong apartment.

“Errr babe. There is this young guy who’s looking for long brunette girl” Ryan looks at me and smiled. I know what he’s got in his mind right now.

“Are you saying that he is looking for me? Like me?” I said shocked because as far as I remember, I don’t have any friends here, especially guy.

“You have a guy friend now? Go get him. Don’t make him wait” Mom said to me, smiling with a hidden meaning. I look at Jane and she just shrugged her shoulders and laughing with Ryan. Oh, she’s not helping me at all.

I frowned and groaned lazily heading to the door. There is this guy covering his head with hood, looking down the floor, playing with his shoes. As he looks at me, I gasped. Oh, my god! This isn’t going to be true.

“Hey you” He said pulling down his hood and greeting me once again with his beautiful smirk just like this morning. He had my drawing book in his hand.

I’m stunned. He’s standing in front of me now. Oh, God! What should I do now?

Notes

Actually,I thought that I just want to make Arianna giving back Gerard's drawing book and vice-versa. But, when I'm writing this, suddenly it just came out like the one that you guys just have finished reading.I hope you guys enjoyed it!

Stay beautiful. xoxo