It had been two weeks since I move in with Jane. Everything is just fine with New Jersey. My mom called me every night just to make sure that I’m okay especially with my emotions. Amanda also always texts me and sometimes call me too. Her action just make me want to go back to Philadelphia so fucking badly, but I know I can’t. Jane was so nice towards me. We’re just like crazy cousins who always hang out together, just for this time mostly on her couch in front of the TV. We spend most our time together watching movies because I refused to go out and mingle around with her friends or make a new friends here. Yes, I know that she probably noticed that I’m not Arianna that she used to know but somehow she doesn't show it and keep continually support me. Jane works at some vintage shop that sells a lot of cool stuff and I really like that place. Her boyfriend, Ryan who also her boss always stops by the house and I need to admit it that he’s hot. But not as hot as my Leo. Leo..Leo. His voice still appears in my dream every night and makes me feel scared to sleep. Apparently I started to cut myself each time I’m awake from dreaming his fucking voice. I never cut myself and I know that is wrong but it makes me feel calm. I just can’t take any “Remember me!” from him anymore. No one knows about this little dirty secret. Not mom, not Jane and not Amanda. No one!

I have also decided that I don’t want to go to college. It always been Leo’s dream to go to NYU and have me with him so that we can live together. I've told mom that I just need more time for myself and I don’t think go study will make any of shit that happen to me be much better. Since Leo’s death also, I have started to draw again. I never realized that I actually dumped my talent since I've got attached with Leo. However, my drawing was not that nice. It is much darker, only black and red color lying around represents death, mourning, grief, hopeless. Yes, that’s me. All of it represents my condition right now.

“Arianna, I’m so dead late today. I’m sorry babe that I can’t make breakfast for you today. Is it okay if you just go any cafe nearby to grab something?” Jane got really messed up and everything’s just go crazy around her because she late for work. I just giggled looking at her.

“Don’t just make cute smile there. I’m asking you question, answer me” Jane said and make her eyes bigger telling me that she need a quick answer from me.

“Shut it Jane. Just go. You’re fucking late. Don’t worry. I can take care of myself. I’m big enough”

Jane smiled and gives me a flying kiss and disappeared by the door. There is a cafe that apparently being my favorite one nearby the apartment, and Jane never had a clue that I’m actually going out by myself. I stop going there about three days ago just because of this fucking pervert guy. He always sits in front of my table and always checking on me when I’m drawing or drinking my coffee. How do I know that he is checking on me? For God sake, each time our eyes meet, he will smile at me and cheering up his coffee cup! It is so fucking obvious. I’m starting to get starving and I need to grab a coffee. I took my jacket and my drawing book and hoping that God-know-who are not in that cafe today.

I stood in front of a cafe and take a glance to see if that guy was there or not and thank god, he’s not there! I smile and go into the cafe and order the usual one that I've always had. The waiter inside the cafe always wants to start a chat with me, but I just replied with a smile and he stop asking question anymore. I sit on my usual place since the cafe don’t receive many customers; you just felt that place was yours. I start to draw again after have a few sip of my coffee. Thinking of Leo just made my eyes teary and of course, I don’t want any drama in public. As I was drawing, I noticed a figure that suddenly sits in front of me. I mean sit with me at my table. Holy shit! It was that guy!

“Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. Just wondering where you've been. I thought that you’re probably will not be in here today but look, here you are” He gave me a really beautiful smile. Not really. It is much closer to a smirk. He had this messy black hair tumbling over his shoulder, he has a really pale skin like God-know-what but his lips are pink color, and he has a really beautiful hazel eyes. What a creature!

I gave him a look like “hey, you’re not supposed to sit here”, but he just ignore it and acted like he knows me for ages.

“You’re not from here, aren't you? I've always been here since I was a kid and I don’t remember that we have a really beautiful customer like you,” He said half-whispered. Oh my god, this guy is really annoying. Stop talking to me.

I just ignored him and keep focusing on my drawing.

“You know what? We actually shared a same interest. Wait, I’ll show you something” He took out something from his back and put it in front of me. I’m kind of pissed right now and really want to get rid of him. I dramatically shut my book and stood up.

“Look, mister. I don’t know who the fucking are you and stop talking to me like you've known me. I don’t want to share anything with you and I don’t give a fuck on what you want to show me! Keep your fucking own business and leave me alone!”

My voices are all over the cafe Thank god, there are only me and this annoyed guy and an old lady who does not give a shit on my drama and the waiter. Believe me; I can see in the waiter’s eyes that he scared of me. This annoyed guy stunned for a moment, probably didn't see that this drama is coming.

“Shit, she’s talk!” He laughed in amusement that I actually can talk. I quickly grab my drawing book, which is quite harsh until I spill out all of his coffee over the table and I don’t even look back. I get so annoyed and so angry on his attitude. In my life, I never get so annoyed like this before. Not even when I’m with Leo. What’s wrong with this guy? I don’t even know him.
I quickly go back to the apartment, throw all of my things on bed and go to bathroom just to wash my face and make myself calm. I’m getting so pissed off like I’m about to cry. I’m feeling like cutting again, but suddenly my phone rings.

“Hey, mom. What’s up? You’re not working today? I really miss you. Come over, so that we can spend time together. You know mom-daughter moment” Mom laughed at my words and I know that she’s really happy listening to me, whose getting “better”. She going to come here and have a lunch with me. Oh, I’m so thrilled and can’t wait to tell Jane.

I lie on my bed and take my drawing book. I glanced for a second, feeling something’s not right about my book. This is not my book! Oh my god, this is so fucking not my drawing book! I tried to remember if I had misplaced my drawing book or something and realized that..fuck! It’s his!

Notes

Hey guys!! i know this is a little bit too long but I get so excited to create her scene with Gerard!! How was it? Don't forget to leave a comment, please vote and subscribe if you want to keep updated!

Stay beautiful. xoxo