Can I be the only hope for you?

“Gee had a girlfriend once”

I looked at Mikey. His face falls down, not really happy with what he’s going to continue.

“He really loved her. Unfortunately, she’s kinda fucked up. She always feels insecure and depressed all the time. Gee tried so hard to help her, to save her. But...”

“But?”

“She never let Gee help her. The last thing I know, he found her out on her bathroom floor. She cut her wrist and Gee were too late.”

I gasped. I never thought that Gerard had this pain memory in his life. For all this time, I thought he’s just an ordinary guy with an amazing life with his brother and his best friend. But I was wrong. I suddenly remembered the drawing that I saw in his sketch book. Yeah, the one that gave me a panic attack. The dark angel was him and he was carrying his dead girlfriend in his arms. I felt my tears running down my cheeks. Mikey, who realizes my sudden tears, got panicked.

“Hello awesome people! The greatest Frank is here!”

Frank bust in the shop with his loud and annoyed voice. I quickly wiped away my tears, but Frank catches it faster. He glares at Mikey, demand an explanation.

“It wasn’t me. Tell him, Arianna or I’ll be dead in any second like three... two...”

I laughed at Mikey’s word. I sighed, and told Frank everything that happened just now. From what had happened on that night, what had been in my thought, what Mikey had told me and why I ended up crying. Frank looks very serious on each of single words from me. This is the first time I see him so serious.

“Should we do the consultation here, or should we just close the store and have a coffee instead? Mikey, close the store!!”

“What the fuck, Frank?! Who do you think you are? Victor will kill me! Gosh, this crazy person! Arianna, you can go with him if you wanted to. I’ll cover up for you”

“No, Mikey. I won’t leave. Frank, if you want to have the “talk”, you need to wait until I finish my work. For the mean time sir, enjoy the CDs in our store. Thank you.”

Frank growled at my words. But he keeps moving to the CDs rack and start to checking out on the CDs. I can’t get Gerard out of my head since after that. There are a lot of questions in my mind. He had the same experience like me. We lost our love in a tragic incident even though it was in a different situation. Gerard’s girlfriend killed herself, while Leo got killed in a car crash. How can she even think about suicide when she has Gerard beside her? That was totally unacceptable. Then, I started to think about destiny. Is it destiny that made me met Gerard? We have the same past and Gerard was here to save me from the feeling that once he felt. I was totally in my own world, thinking of Gerard until I feel someone touch my shoulder.

“Arianna, don’t worry. We’ll figure out this together. We will help you.”

Frank was already besides me and Mikey too. They both smiles and I hugged them. I muttered ‘thank you’ because they’re always know what I had in my mind. Is this the right time to tell them about my story? The reason why I can’t accept Gerard in my life even I want to? I just don’t know.

Frank, Mikey and I were in the café near our store after working hour. Frank seems really serious after that, and that scares me. After ordering our coffees, I tried to loosen up the situation that I felt so tense up.

“Frank, you’re so serious like someone just dead. Come on, dude!”

Mikey laughs at my word but not Frank. Looking at Frank who’s not laughing had made Mikey immediately cover his mouth with his hand and stop laughing.

“I’m sorry Arianna but this isn’t a good time to be a joker. Well, you already know Gee’s past but you didn’t know the whole story. After Cassie died, Gee can’t take it. He keeps blaming himself for not saving her.”

Mikey nodded and continues Frank’s words.

“Yeah, his life was 24 hours with alcohol, cigarette and drawing. He never left his room and he didn’t even want to talk. We tried so much things to make him realized that Cassie won’t be back, but he never want to listen. Until one day, he received a letter that offering him to do a comic and he was really happy. Cassie loves his drawing and Gee promised her that he will do his best to be an artist. I think that what makes Gee moving on until he met you”

“Mikey was right. After get the job, he was much better but sometime he can be really moody when something doesn’t go well like he wants. He starts to change when he met you. Waking up early just to meet you at the café, he refuses to drink anymore and getting better with his drawing.”

“That is before you’re accepted him as a friend. He became more excited when you’re being friend with him. He keeps talking about you like all the time. That was so annoyed and irritating for me and Frank but we’re happy for him.”

Frank nodded at Mikey’s word. I was shocked. I don’t know what to react when this two people right in front of me keeps talking each of everything about Gerard. They kind of reveal everything to me, saying that Gerard really loves me. I’m the reason why Gerard’s changing. Unfortunately, things cannot be fixed easily because I’ve hurt him so badly with my words. I tried to calm myself before start to talk.

“I don’t know what to say. Honestly, I was surprised because Gerard doesn’t seem like someone who had experienced a tragic story like this. I’m sorry”

“Don’t apologizing to us. You need to say that to Gee. We need to figure out on how you guys can be together. But, before that Arianna, you need to tell us yours. The secret that you keep hiding from us. You seem like hiding back yourself. You’re not really being you. You need to start telling us the truth.”

Frank and Mikey look at me seriously. I can feel that my hand become sweaty and I’m really nervous. I sipped my coffee and try to avoid their gaze.

“It’s complicated”

Frank looked frustrated by hearing my answer and Mikey’s expression cannot be read. Honestly, Gerard and Mikey had the same one on this. I can’t really tell what’s on their mind.

“Arianna, Frank and I have all time for you, if you’re ready to tell the complicated story. Don’t try to hide anymore. I need you to tell everything, so that my brother can be at ease again. But, if you still wanna hide, just stay away from my brother and be gone from us!”

Mikey sounds harsh and I can tell that he doesn’t give a shit if I lied. Frank also quite surprised with Mikey’s words to me, maybe this is the first time Mikey acting so serious. I know I had no choice and this is the time for me to tell them. Deep inside my heart, I want to be with Gerard. I want to fix his heart and be by his side. But the problem is, am I ready to be fix by Gerard? Am I ready to be in love again with others while all of this time, my heart is just for Leo? I looked at Mikey and Frank who keeps glaring at me, waiting for me to start to talk about me. Here come the story of my life.

“Well…”

Notes

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