After the movie at his house, I hadn’t seen Gerard for the rest of the weekend. This was nothing new; I barely ever talked to Gerard outside of school, or in school for that matter. Strangely though, in the middle of my boring Saturday afternoon, I began to miss him. I wanted to see him, a feeling I’d never experienced before, for anyone.

In all my sixteen years, I don’t think I’d ever missed anyone like I missed Gerard. I didn’t even miss my dad, and I hadn’t seen him in nearly three years.

It sounds horrible to say but I never missed my mom much either. I didn’t really get to see her as much since we’d moved to Jersey, and I did wish that I could have spent more time with her, but I still didn’t miss her. Not like I missed him.

I wanted to see Gerard again but I also knew there was next to no way that was going to happen.

Saturday afternoon was like any other day; home alone with next to nothing to do. I’d gotten back into the writing swing and I was feeling confident that Gerard wouldn’t make an appearance in any of my pieces so I decided to sit down and see what came out. I tried, but I couldn’t help it.

Once again Gerard snaked his way into my plot. It was annoying that I couldn’t keep him out of my stories, but I sure didn’t mind having in my thoughts.

I thought back to the movie night, sitting next to Gerard, he was so close to me. I normally hated the feeling of people being so near to me, but with Gerard I just wanted to stay forever. It was so hard to get up and leave after the movie ended; I wanted nothing more than to just sit with Gerard forever, his arms wrapped around me, holding me close, as I take in his comforting scent of cigarettes and soap that jus-

Hold it! My conscience shouted at me. You can’t fall in love with Gerard Way. You can’t fall in love with anyone.

As sad as it was, my conscience was right. I couldn’t fall in love, not with Gerard, not with anyone. There was just no point, things would never work out. I learned to accept the fact that I’d grow old alone a long time ago, but things seemed to be getting harder.

Since I never saw myself dating anyone as even a phony possibility, I never let myself get caught up in love. I just couldn’t help myself with Gerard though, he wasn’t like anyone else, and even though I still couldn’t see myself being with him and being happy, I still couldn’t get myself to give up. I was still falling for him.

***

Come Monday morning I’d finally gotten over myself and my delusional fantasies about Gerard. It wasn’t like I was constantly thinking about him every moment of everyday, but he did slip in more than just occasionally.

I thought it was bad just to think about him, but then he invaded my dreams and things got really weird, not just the dreams themselves but also sitting in the car with Gerard the next morning.

It had become fairly routine; Gerard picked me up in the mornings and took me to school and I’d meet him by his car at the end of the day to go home which is when he’d normally ask me to hang out and I’d come up with same lame excuse as to why I couldn’t. I hated turning him down, especially since he tried so hard and I wanted him so bad.

Monday was like any other day. Gerard came to pick me up in the morning. I grabbed my jacket and slipped on my boots before heading out the door as I called out a goodbye to my mom. Gerard sat in the car still parked in his driveway looking down at a book.

I opened the passenger side door, catching his attention and sat down. “Hey Leigh,” Gerard said as I entered the car. “Hey,” I replied, not nearly as cheerfully as he’d greeted me.
“How was the rest of your weekend?” Gerard asked.

“Uhm, okay. Nothing special.”

There was an awkward pause as neither of us really knew what else to say, not that that was ever really a problem for me, but Gerard was different and I wanted to see how far I could get with him. I didn’t know what was happening to me, but I was changing. I didn’t quite know what it felt like, but I think I was…opening up to him. Some part of me wanted to let him in, I just had to figure out how.

I guess talking was a good start. Considering how long I’d known Gerard, and for the amount of time we’d spent together, we really hadn’t conversed much. Gerard had tried to get me to talk but I wouldn’t budge. Maybe I could fix that, or at least try.

“So,” I started catching Gerard a little off guard, after all this would have been the first time I’d ever started a conversation between the two of us. “How was your weekend?” I felt like that was a safe thing to ask considering he’d just asked me the same thing.

“It was nice, thanks,” Gerard answered. He must have caught on to the whole ‘me-trying-to-make-conversation’ thing and went on, saying, “I wish you could have stayed on Friday, we would have loved to have hung out with you a little longer.”

I hate to admit this, but I blushed. I didn’t need to be looking into a mirror to know it, I just felt my face heat up and I knew that there was a rosy color spread across my cheeks. I looked down to hide it but I couldn’t give up on the conversation, not now.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m just not good around new people.” This was definitely not news to Gerard, but he sure faked it like it was.

“Nah, you were great. The guys really loved you. They want to hang out again sometime, if you want to?” What? They wanted to hang out with me? I couldn’t imagine why, I was totally boring, not to mention a complete killjoy when we’d met.

“Really?”

“Yeah really,” Gerard said looking at me briefly and giving me a sweet smile. Oh that smile.

“Why don’t you sit with us at lunch today?”

Lunch. I wouldn’t even call it that anymore; I never actually spent my lunch period in the cafeteria. Most of the time I was either in the library reading or in the bathroom doing something more self-destructive.

Since coming to Jersey I did have to say that I didn’t cut as much as I used to, but that was probably because I didn’t have to deal with my old bullies from New York; not that many people had really gotten a chance to torment me, though I was still called’ emo’ and ‘freak’ as I walked through the halls.

The cafeteria was a foreign place to me; really the only part of the school I hadn’t been in yet. I was afraid of the stereotypical teen movie scene where the new girl sits all alone, eating lunch at an empty table.

But now I wouldn’t be alone; I’d have Gerard, not to mention all of his friends, though that in itself was a bit of a scary thought.

I decided to take him up on his offer anyway. “Yeah, sure. Okay,” I stuttered out, notably more easily than when I’d initially spoken to Gerard way back at the beginning of the summer. Gerard smiled and kept his eyes on the road. “Cool.”

We pulled into the school’s parking lot and exited the car to get to our first period class which Gerard and I had together.

Despite it not being the most interesting or longest conversation I’d ever had, I still felt really good about it. I’d never tried to open up to anyone before and it felt a little weird, but sort of in a good way. Gerard was changing me and it would be a lie if I said that I didn’t like it. But still, I had to be careful about what I shared with him.

If the wrong thing slipped out, I wouldn’t have to worry about talking to Gerard anymore; I was sure I’d lose him completely. That thought actually scared me.

Notes

This chapter is super short...Yeah, it actually got deleted somehow from my original story so I had to rewrite it, but I didn't really remember what I said the first time so...oops.
Hope you still like it anyway. Enjoy the reading, leave a comment if you want, and I'll see ya next week!! XD