Someone Out There Loves You After All (Gerard Way)
Chapter 25: We're The Demolition Lovers
Ugh, my head hurts so much. It's like my brain's trying to escape through my ears, even my eyes hurt. Is that my own heartbeat I can hear, this isn't pleasant at all.
Am I dead, is this what death is like, a pounding headache and darkness. Not to be judgemental of heaven or hell but this kinda sucks, I don't know how else to put it. On top of it I'm freezing, which reminds me of going outside and swimming in my swimming pool naked in the middle of the night when I was a kid, man I was a strange child.
Now thinking about it, having imaginary friends up to the age of eleven probably wasn't the most normal thing I could do...and it'd also explain the constant lack of real friends. People really don't want to be around a girl that sits on a bench and speaks to herself all day, I guess avoiding me is justified.
It also explains why kids suddenly decided they wanted to be around me when I started acting like a normal child. Of course that was short lived because I quickly transferred my attention to bands and once the other girls figured out I only wanted to talk about bands and music I was ditched once again.
Damn, I've never realised before that kids were such assholes, they hate different people and things don't they. Ask them to shake hands with your imaginary sister once and suddenly you're that weird girl no one wants to be around.
Reminiscing caused me to laugh which in turn made me attempt to clasp my side because of the sharp pain that took over my entire chest. Of course it just got worse when I started struggling because I couldn't move, my hands were behind my back and bound by something that was rough and made my wrists itch.
I'm not that claustrophobic, sure being in really, really small spaces will freak me out but the sudden realisation that I can't move my hands or tell someone to undo the ropes is fucking terrifying and I don't like it at all. If that makes me claustrophobic then I am as claustrophobic as fuck and want out of these ropes right fucking now!
The urge to scream and struggle kicked in and I barely managed to fight off the natural reaction of panic like anyone would do when they were unable to tell where they where or why they were unable to move. I'm not in heaven, I'm not in hell, I'm just on earth after being fucking kidnapped and this fucking sucks and I want out right now before I die or I kill someone because I'm fucking pissed off!
I started tugging on the bindings, testing the strength of the rope to see if I could get my hands out or maybe use of those 'break your thumb to get free' techniques that you see on the television. By the feeling of it I wouldn't get to use either of those options and should at least be grateful I was able to use my feet. I'm a sagittarius and can kick pretty damn hard when I have to so I can at least use that as a form of self defence if it comes down to it.
Alright, I can move my lower body but not my upper, I'm leaning against what feels like a wall, no, that's a pole, my hands are tied around a pole, it's completely dark in here, either that or my eyes are closed and I just haven't figured it out yet and on top of everything it's freezing in here which can mean a couple of things.
A walk-in freezer.
I'm an optimist so I'm gonna go with garage because basement means I'm probably in a slasher movie and warehouse means I'm surrounded by either drug cartel or strange supernatural beings in boxes that will kill everything in sight if they get free and freezer is just bad no matter what you're surrounded by.
I've possibly got a broken rib or two, maybe a concussion from the hit I received and undoubtedly a shitload of bruises. I might have a couple of other broken things but I'd have to move around more to be positive. I wiggled my toes in by boots then flinched, I have a couple of broken toes, don't know how that happened, maybe my foot got slammed in a door while I was being dragged into a car or something similar, either way it hurts.
I think I've gone over everything I need to, movability, location, visibility, health. I can't do a weapons tally since it's too dark and I can't move my hands but kicking will have to make do until I can see where I am.
Only one more thing to check.
I didn't know what state he'd be in, whether he'd be awake or still knocked out. For all I know he might not even be in the same as me but there was a good chance he was. The most I could do was hope he wasn't to badly hurt, if we did manage to get out of here there was an unlikely possibility of me being able to carry him out. Maybe if I didn't have a couple of broken things, a pounding headache and a likelyhood of being further injured.
"Lyric?" Gerard replied and I sighed in relief, he was awake and obviously hadn't been hurt to the point of not being able to talk although his voice did sound a bit scratchy, "Lyric, is that you?" He asked for a second time.
"Yeah, it's me. Where are you?" I could hear him and he sounded nearby but for all I knew his voice could be echoing off the walls, allowing the room to play tricks on me.
"I don't know, it's too dark in here to see anything. It's been like that for an hour, longer maybe. I can't see my watch so it's hard to tell. Are you okay? They didn't hurt you did they? Can you move?" His voice sounded more and more concerned with each word he spoke and I had to talk quickly to calm him down since Gerard surprisingly sounded panicked which is not something I could say I expected of a situation like this one.
"Um, some things are a little broken and it's a yes and a no on the movement. My hands are tied up which I'd be lying if I said was nice and I'm also fairly pissed off so there's that. How about you? The last time I saw you, your head was bleeding." That still worried me, I mean his head should have stopped bleeding by this point but for all I knew 'they' could have beaten him up further while I was passed out.
"Well my wrist really hurts, and not in a good way. I've got a headache like all fuck. I can't move anything other than my head and I woke up just long enough to see some fucks beating my girlfriend up when she was down. Which explains whatever you've got broken. I tried to stop them but they knocked me out again." Are you fucking kidding me, this shit is absolutely ridiculous, I can't even believe this actually happened.
"Those fuckers have no moral boundaries do they? So much from fucking moving on from the fucking past." I grumbled, wanting to just swear my head off for the next half hour but not doing it since it wouldn't help our situation and I'd promised myself that I'd try to cut back on my swearing as much as possible despite this situation being the most valid time to use every bad word I've ever learnt possible.
Gerard started rather emotionlessly laughing and I took that as an opportunity to figure out where he was by swinging my leg out and hoping I bumped him, I don't know why but it felt like if I knew he was close to me that'd act as some form of comfort.
"Haha, ow!" I almost immediately hit him and at full force since I'd just started swinging my leg, Gerard was less than a foot away from me and I felt grateful for it, maybe we'd be able to use each other as a way to get out of here.
"What was that for?" He asked, sounding hurt like I'd kicked him intentionally which I sorta did when you think about it.
"I wanted to see where you are and my legs are the only thing I can move," I explained, "I'm sorry, at least we're next to each other." That was the only way I could make up for the kick since I couldn't hug or kiss him, an apology would have to make do.
"How long do you think we're gonna be in here for?" Was the next question and I wondered the same thing myself, Gerard had already said an hour so we can't be too high priority to the mafia but enough for them to make sure we can't escape by tying us down.
"I don't know, long enough for them to decide what they want to do with us. It could be anything really, we might get beaten to death for no reason whatsoever. One of those two guys who got us said their boss wanted to talk to me so that'll probably happen before the commencement of our murders." I shrugged and regretted it since it tugged a muscle that felt like it'd been over stretched, might have pulled something or it could be a really bad bruise.
"That doesn't sound good. At least Dayna avoided it, right?" My mind immediately remembered my injured friend, I can't believe I forgot about her, I mean for all I know she could be dead or hospitalised.
"What did they say, how did you know Dayna was involved in this?" I asked, desperate to know how my best friend was, I'd gotten myself in deep shit to save her and she better be fine or there'll be hell to pay.
"They kept talking about 'the redhead that crazy bitch jumped to defend' so I assumed it was her. I don't think they managed to find her because they also said something about putting out a search party. Do you know what happened to her?" I felt so grateful to know she got away, it was a load off my mind, I'm glad I won't have to spend the rest of the time I have left worrying about her, she will have waited a while then found my Mum or gone to hospital.
"She got shot in the thigh so while one of those guys was down I dragged her into a building, hid her and said to not come out until the coast was clear. Mum should know what's happened to us by now, probably the whole band as well." Gerard went quiet then suddenly started swearing which caused me to become worried, he didn't hurt himself did he, or accidentally bump his wrist, it's horrible knowing I can't comfort him.
"Gee, what's wrong? Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I just remembered that if I die I won't be able to do another show again and the fans'll probably never know what happened to me." That could be bad, from my online encounters I could name at least five people who were kept alive by My Chemical Romance's music, if Gerard were to go missing and no one were to see him again...lets put it this way, there'd be more than one dead MCRmy member.
"How have you managed to stay awake in here? It's so dark, there's nothing." I wondered, deciding to share anything I had on my mind, it's not like we had anything else to do or somewhere to go, a conversation would have to make do.
"I haven't, I've just been waking up, going to sleep then waking again. You've been asleep so that's pretty much the only thing I've had to do." Of course, Gerard was damn good at falling asleep whenever he wanted to so it shouldn't be anything new that he'd use that technique in here while awaiting our predictable deaths.
"By the way, I know you've been out for a while but I think you should try to get some sleep, real sleep and not just being unconscious. You'll need your strength if we get a chance to get out of here and have to run, I've seen you run before, you'll need as much energy as you can possibly get." That sounded perfectly fine, if I could fall asleep as easily as he can, I've got enough trouble powering down when I'm genuinely tired, chances that I'll be able to sleep when wide awake and in a high risk situation is unlikely.
"Yeah, like that's gonna happen."
"Just try, if it seems like anything's gonna happen then I'll wake you up, okay?" I groaned, Gerard was right and a small attempt probably wouldn't kill me, I bet I'll stay awake though.
"Okay." I mumbled, wishing I'd be able to move my hands and feel him next to me, it was good being able to hear Gerard's voice but it could just as easily be my brain getting overly creative and pretending he was there, I wanted to cuddle him and couldn't.
I closed my eyes and leant my head back, it was just as dark behind my lids as it was with my eyes open. I took some deep breaths trying to ignore the chill on my skin caused by the low temperature of the room, I'd almost grown used to it by this point, like how I'd be able to adapt to the cold by spending hours and hours outside as a kid.
I want to be outside again, I don't even fucking like nature and shit but I'd rather be tied up in a forest than in a place I can't even see. I gave another tug on the ropes and in turn got a burning sensation on my wrists that warned me to stop before the skin was rubbed raw and I'd have something real annoying to worry about.
I'm never gonna have any chance of falling asleep if I keep moving around, I took another deep breath and tried to unclench my jaw. I wanted to yell my head off, demand the people who'd brought Gerard and I here to either kill us or let us go because this was a huge fucking waste of time, both theirs and mine.
I want to go back to my friend, I want to see if she's okay. I want my boyfriend to be out of the danger he put himself in to make sure I was safe which I must admit is stupid but he meant it with good intent even if things didn't turn out too well.
I was frustrated which meant I wanted to hit something which made everything worse because I couldn't even move my fucking arms and as far as I knew the only thing within kicking distance was Gerard who didn't deserve my anger.
"You're not even trying to go to sleep are you?" It was a kinda yes, kinda no answer to that one but I think it fell more heavily on the side of no since I was mainly thinking about my anger issues and the people I wanted to beat up.
"You can do it, just clear your mind and try to not think of where we are. Pretend we're at the flat." As far as I'm concerned if Gerard and I had been able to go back to the flat tonight we would definitely not be sleeping and we'd have a lot more range of movement.
"Hand in mine, into your icy blues. And then I'd say to you, we could take to the highway. With this trunk of ammunition too, I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets. I'm trying, I'm trying. To let you know just how much you mean to me." Gee sung quietly, reminding me of the times he'd sung when we'd been alone together, the smallest audience he'll ever have considering how big the band is.
"Gerard, what are you doing?"
"When I sing it helps you sleep doesn't it?" I smiled, he knew me too well but of course when he'd sing me to sleep I'd usually be in his arms and we'd be exhausted after a long night of um, activities.
"And after all the things we put each other through and I would drive on to the end with you. A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full and I feel like there's nothing left to do but prove myself to you and we'll keep it running. But this time, I mean it, I'll let you know just how much you mean to me." It was sad but fitting that out of all the songs he could have chosen to sing it was this one, it'd been the first My Chemical Romance song I'd heard and there was a very good chance it'd be the last.
When I think about it Gerard and I are demolition lovers. We both have our own special way of destroying ourselves. For me it's shutting the world out then shutting down, for him it was cutting.
We'd put each other through a fair bit too.
From admissions I'd heard more than once he'd panic when I'd wake him up in the middle of the night with my nightmares that I have yet to tell him about, there was also the fact I'd dragged him into this whole mess.
Earlier on before I'd found out about his little secret Gerard's way of making me worried was by how quiet he'd go, the tugging on his sleeves, refusing to look at me then at times avoiding me all together.
We're like the doomed lovers in the song and we'll die like them, it's about trying to run away then being hunted down by mafia isn't it?
It's almost funny, almost.
"As snow falls on desert sky. Until the end of everything. I'm trying, I'm trying. To let you know how much you mean. As days fade, and nights grow, and we go cold," Gerard's voice started to sound thick and it was likely he'd realised he was narrating our fate, "Until the end, until this pool of blood. Until this, I mean this, I mean this. Until the end of...I'm trying, I'm trying. To let you know how much you mean. As days fade, and nights grow, and we go cold." I wanted to hug him, do something but any further attempts to touch him would probably end in failure, I hope I get to touch Gerard one last time.
"But this time, we'll show them. We'll show them all how much we mean. As snow falls on desert sky. Until the end of every...all we are, all we are, is bullets I mean this. All we are, all we are, is bullets I mean this. All we are, all we are, is bullets I mean this. All we are, all we are, is bullets I mean this." Making my most pathetic attempt yet I let myself fall to the side, hoping he'd be close enough for me to lean against him, even if it meant I could feel the burning in my wrists increase by every inch I moved.
"As lead rains, will pass on through our phantoms, forever, forever. Like scarecrows that fuel this flame, we're burning, forever, and ever. Know how much I want to show you you're the only one. Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun." I sighed when I felt my body leaning against his shoulder and Gerard tilted his head so it was resting on top of mine.
Everything in me felt calm and still from being able to touch Gerard even if I couldn't be in his arms. This could put a smile on my face and make me feel like I'd actually manage to gather the brief peace I needed to fall asleep.
"And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood. And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down. And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down. I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood. I'll meet your eyes, I mean this, forever."