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I'll Keep You Safe Tonight

Mend the Hearts of Everyone Who Feels Alone

Gerard hasn't let me go to school since the incident he claims that I'm still healing and need all the rest I can get. Of course he couldn't miss anymore school and has to go so I'm at home all day by myself, which get's really boring really quickly. The thing is though Gerard hasn't really been talking to me since that day, I mean he said we had to talk and now it's like he's avoiding me. He probably hates me now, I mean I'm so useless I can't even protect myself...just ugh!
I climb out of bed and shuffle to the bathroom, closing and locking the door and then pull out a razor I had taped to the bottom of one of the drawers. Carefully I pull it out and hold it up to the light, it's a brand new one so it's extra sharp. I sit on the toilet and kick off the shorts I was wearing and stare at my thighs. This is the reason Gerard probably hates me now, he saw all my scars and wants to leave me for someone less broken. I let out a small sob and bring the razor down onto my legs just slicing and cutting and barely being able to see through the tears that I'm crying. Finally I stop as I start to feel both of my legs falling asleep and I wipe my eyes and look down. My thighs are a mess of cuts and scars now, some are deeper than the others, while some are shallow. I can't stand myself.
I hear a door open upstairs and footsteps coming down the stairs to the basement.
"Shit, shit, shit!" I whisper and grab a mass of toilet paper and try and stop the bleeding.
"Frank?" I hear Gerard call out, "Where are you?"
"Um...I'm in the bathroom!" I say starting to panic, a few won't stop. I grab more toilet paper and apply pressure.
"Oh okay, well when you're done we need to talk." Gerard's right on the other side of the door.
"Okay, I'll be out soon."
I hear a hum of agreement and it sounds like he's walking away when I hear again from the other side of the door, "Frank..."
"Uh yeah, I said I'm almost done."
I hear a click in the door and don't really think anything of it I'm too busy trying to stop this one cut, all the other's stopped but this one is a stubborn little bastard. I look up when I hear the door open suddenly.
"Frank." I look up guiltily and meet Gerard's eyes.
"I'm sorry..." I trail off, "Please don't" I shake my head and stop myself.
"Don't what Frank?" Gerard says kneeling in front of me, he looks really angry "What do you not want me to do."
"Please don't hurt me." I whisper quietly and stop looking at Gerard.
I hear Gerard sigh and suddenly I'm pulled into a hug, "I"m so sorry Frank this is my fault I just should've paid more attention to you, skipped school, anything."
"Gerard it's not the end of the world, all I did was cut, it's not that important."
"Not that important!" Gerard says pulling out of the hug and raising his voice, "Not that important! Frank you are the most important person in my life and it hurts me to see you hurt. You're extremely important."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I say letting out a little sob.
"Oh Frankie, shh...calm down. I'm sorry for yelling, let's get you cleaned up."
I nod and Gerard turns on the shower, "Can you do this by yourself?" I nod again.
Gerard leaves the bathroom with the promise that he's right on the other side of the door and I strip all the way and get into the shower, hissing as the warm water hits my cuts. After the shower I quickly put my clothes on and go out into the bedroom to see Gerard sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. I quietly walk over and sit next to Gerard rubbing his back and making calming sounds until he seems okay to talk again.
"Okay Frankie I think it's time we talked." I nod and gesture for him to continue.
"Why didn't you tell me you were getting bullied that badly?" Gee asks.
"I didn't want you to worry."
"Honey I'm going to worry about you whether you like it or not, it's my job."
"Okay next question, Mikey told me that those guys used to be your friends what happened?"
"They found out about my problem." I answer vaguely.
"What problem?"
"That I can only be mated with guys."
"How is that a problem? It's not like there's not other mates who are the same gender."
"I don't know okay, all I know is they hated me after they found out." I say raising my voice and it cracks a bit.
"I'm sorry Frankie, it's just I don't understand all the time and I won't understand if you won't talk to me."
I stare at my feet for a few moment trying to figure out how to say what needed to be said.
"Bert and Jared were like my brothers when I grew up, I would go over to their house, and they would come over to mine when mom wasn't home. We did everything together, but when we became teenagers everything changed. All they wanted to talk about anymore was girls, and I couldn't exactly contribute my input to the conversation..." I chuckle a little, "I faked it for a while but one night we were over at my mom's and she came home roaring drunk and I hid them in the closet in my room. My mom beat me really bad that night and they heard everything she yelled, including my 'little secret'."
"I'm so sorry Frankie," Gee says pulling me into a hug, "I'm really sorry."
"It's okay Gee, You wanna go get coffee?" I say standing up hoping to avoid the elephant in the room.
"Frank, sit down again please."
I sigh and sit down on the bed hugging my knees to my chest.
"You know what we need to talk about Frank."
"I know but it doesn't mean I have to like it."
Gerard sighs, "You need to stop doing this to yourself, you were doing so well before you were happy and now..." he trails off.
"You don't want to be stuck with someone like me do you?"
"Frankie...Frank look at me." It takes me a minute but eventually I look up, "I am not stuck with you, I choose to be with you and I love you, I'm not going to leave you because this, but I do want to help you."
"How, how are you going to help me?"
"You can talk to me when your sad and feel like hurting yourself, I don't want you to do this anymore okay, I'll stop whatever I'm doing and rush here to comfort you. You want Ice-cream at three am I'll get you ice-cream at three am. You want to watch the same movie you've already watched a hundred times with me again, I'll watch it with you again. I love you so much Frankie and I don't ever want to lose you." By the end of Gerard's little speech we're both crying a little bit.
I look Gerard in the eyes and just stare at him for a few moments, "I love you too." I say and kiss him on the lips. I takes him a few seconds to respond but eventually he does, we continue to kiss for I don't know how long before we pull away to catch our breath.
"That was," he says.
"Wow?"
"Yeah."