I instantly ran up to him and slapped the pills out of his hand. “Fuck! FUCK YOU!” Mikey was screaming and clutched to the remainder of pills he still held. I tackled him to the ground, emptying the glass of poison into the sink simultaneously. I kneed over Mikey and wrestled the rest of medication out of his hand. “Fuck Mikey just stop….sto…stop..STOP MIKEY! Oh god…Helena make him stop!” I screamed to the top of my lungs, tears pouring out of my eyes freely. Why was my little brother, whom I practically raised, doing this to me? I threw the last of the pills out of his reach. “Gerard don’t fucking call Helena cuz she ain’t coming to help you or me! She’s fucking gone. She can’t help you now!” he yelled while using all of his ab power to push me off him. “Why don’t you go call your little bitch Frank! He’s all you need anyway right? Heck! Even if I’m gone I’m sure you wouldn’t mind cuz he’s there to replace me! I don’t mean anything to you don’t I?!”I stared at my brother, all these mixed emotions and pain from a million years ago, resurfacing.
“That’s not true Mikey. You know tha…” “ Why can’t you go back to old Gerard? The one who hated everything and everyone! Why don’t you cuss Frank out and send him away, butt naked at two in the morning! Fuck! Why don’t you just..just..JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!” Mikey’s words just pierced me like knives all at once..more than once.. as in…I literally felt as in knives were being pushed deeper into my heart. I guess mostly because he is partially right. I haven’t been spending as much time as I used to with him, I tolerate a lot more shit than I would have, and well…I sort of trust Frank. But I don’t understand I thought Mikey wanted me this way. Why would he be so…wait, was he jealous of Frank. I thought he enjoyed having him around.
“Mikey I didn’t know you felt that way.” I said ever so softly. “How could you not know Gee? I said it in plain words for crying out loud! Would you like me to spell it out?! I, L-O-V-E Y-O-U!!! I fucking love you..and I mean it! I don’t want you to love Frank or anybody else. Love me!” “But why ki…”“My life is meaningless without you. Frank is taking you away from me. You’re not mine and mines alone. I have to share you with Frank and I HATE that!” “you’re being so FUCKING SELFISH!” Mikey just looked at me with shock. “How do you think I would feel when you’re gone. And what if I don’t hate Frank? What if I loved him? Do you…” “You can’t lov…” “Shut the fuck up I’m talking bitch! Do you think Frank would be able to fill your shoes. Do you think he’d be able to wash away the pain and guilt of loosing my only brother. “ he was silent. “ I ‘d just hate myself more…everything around me that I love is fucking dying!”
I broke down into tears again. I held Mikey in the biggest hug ever, and just cried into him. “Please don’t leave me Mikey! I watched our mother die with you in her arms. After making a kid you’re supposed to hold them and love them til they grow up and it’s their turn to love you. Your dad’s supposed to be by your mom’s side and give you a kiss on your head. But you were held by dead arms. You cuddled and fell asleep into a corpse and I didn’t know what the fuck to do!” Mikey hugged me back and began to cry as well. “Grand ma taught me how to take care of you, how to feed you, change your diapers. She showed me how to care for you as if you were my own…we both did. And I loved my gradma. Our grandma. She taught me independence and how to stand on my own two feet. Then she left me all alone to do just that.” A faint, fake smirk came across my face. “I guess I took her too literally.”
“Gee…” Mikey just looked at me with pity. “Now you Mikey.” I’m almost whispering because my throat is sore from crying. “Now your’re gonna leave me. I guess the world really does hate me.” A deep sadness welled up inside me.” Please don’t leave me. You’re practically the only one I have left. The only person that can remind me of who I am, where I came from and what I live for. If you leave, God knows what I’ll do. I’ll probably just end my own life to be with you, and grandma and our mother. Please…just please don’t leave me Mikey.” I began to cry lightly into Mikeys shoulder begging him not to leave me. He just sat there patting my back and trying to comfort me.
“Gee I had no idea how badly you felt about all this. How much hurt you endured just for me. A-and I’m s-so-sorry.” Mikey said between sniffs. “It’s ok. I ‘m okay now.” I said in a whisper. Sat on the kitchen floor in a bunch of mess just hugging each other. I felt Mikey’s breath on my shoulder. “Hey you, don’t try anything stupid.” I said in a James Bond kind of voice. We both just laughed and I thought we shrugged it off but the Mikey said, “Frank isn’t back yet so we still have time.” He poked my rib cage and I jumped with this huge retarded smile on my face. “No..Mikey, nOO!!! Hahaa!!!” Mikey just kept tickling me til I was rolling all over the ground. And he wouldn’t stop.
*knock knock knock* “Uhh…pizza.” We heard and sat up immediately. “You order pizza Mikey?” “Nope. You?” “No.” we both looked at each other confused. “Did Frank order?” “I don’t think so? It’s probably just a wrong address…” I was about to go get the door but I decided I’ll send Mikey instead. “Uhh, you wanna get that? I’ll clean up in here.” I said it more like and order than a favor, but he didn’t seem to notice. “What you think I’ll try something stupid while you’re gone?” “Exactly that.” Mikey just shook his head. “Fine whatever floats your boat pal.” And he went to the door.
I began to clean the mess it didn’t take long, just sweep up some meds. Geez thanks a lot Mikey. -_- at least I was smart enough to empty the liquid in the sink. I was approaching the doorway of the kitchen when I heard Mikey open the front door. “Sorry dude I think you got the wrong ad….Frank?”