What wouldn't I do for you?
Sleep
Ryan [P.O.V.]
Exhaustion. That is the word of the day. Let me tell you this, don't agree to help Franklin Anthony Iero Jr. with anything. He is so hyper active I think I died. I thought Brendon was bad at times but now I see Gerard has it way worse. Frank just wanted to get Gerard a gift or something dumb like that to show his love and I understand because, well Brendon should get stuff like that too. Little things that show I care. Brendon loves classical music, which I find odd because he can't sit through a two minute commercial during a television program let alone being shut up in his room for hours listening to Mozart's symphonies. The boy is a wonder when he is off a sugar rush. If you wanna laugh you should see him on a sugar high. I love that he can be so forth coming at times, but just like Frank does it exhaust me. Frank is talking like a mile a minute, and honestly I think I'm drowning in the thoughts that expel from his mouth.
"Well, Gerard really likes comic books... but he also likes music... he can sing really well did you know that?" Frank just keeps rambling. I think he's nervous.
"Frank chill out okay? I can't deal with this hype. Like your rad and all but, um.... er... calm down." I stutter through my words again. I can't speak as intricately as I write. I can write in fluent gorgeous sentences but speaking is the one thing that escapes my grotesquely long armed grasp. I am such a loser. Even my thoughts are more poetic than the words I so often spit out into the air for others to be riddled with. I am nothing less that dysfunctional. I wonder if the others ever see the sadness behind my eyes at my own thoughts. I plague myself with pain knowing perfection is forever out side my limits. Frank looks to me with his pleading puppy eyes and I can only wonder what is wrong,
"Um... are you alright?" My voice is a light whisper.
"You aren't listening to me Ryan, you're doing that thing where you get inside your own head and start looking depressed and I don't like it Ryan... I really just don't." He was looking at the ground now.
"I know Frankie, I'm sorry... I try not to it is just really difficult you know? Like one minute I'm completely fine then the next I can't function properly. I don't mean to do it, I really just can't help it. If I could you know I would." I sigh after the last bit wishing these new antidepressants would work. How do I even point out to little niave Frankie that I don't do this on purpose. I feel like I'm his broken older brother he looks up to but can't because he is beginning to see my faults. I want to cry now. I'm doing it again. I try so hard to hold to my promises and I just can't! I fail at life sometimes. "Frank, I'm just... broken."
The next step I was not ready for when Frank pulled me into a long warming embrace. He was sobbing, "Do not talk like that. Ryan you are fine. I can't live with out you please don't say things like that. Don't do it again."
I felt tears well up, "I wouldn't Frank, never again. I made a promise to you and Brendon. Never again!" I began to sob and Frank held me. He hushed me with,
"I'm sorry I know. I know." I whimpered lightly. I know this is not behavior to expose at the mall but I'm scared. I always am.
"FAGS!" someone shouts from a few feet away. I pull from Frank to see nothing less than putrid scum. Zayn Malik. you think after getting detention and suspension from school he wouldn't mess with our little group of nobodies but he does. I sigh hoping this will all be over sooner than later. I watch him saunter over with only the feeling of dread in the pit of my belly.
Exhaustion. That is the word of the day. Let me tell you this, don't agree to help Franklin Anthony Iero Jr. with anything. He is so hyper active I think I died. I thought Brendon was bad at times but now I see Gerard has it way worse. Frank just wanted to get Gerard a gift or something dumb like that to show his love and I understand because, well Brendon should get stuff like that too. Little things that show I care. Brendon loves classical music, which I find odd because he can't sit through a two minute commercial during a television program let alone being shut up in his room for hours listening to Mozart's symphonies. The boy is a wonder when he is off a sugar rush. If you wanna laugh you should see him on a sugar high. I love that he can be so forth coming at times, but just like Frank does it exhaust me. Frank is talking like a mile a minute, and honestly I think I'm drowning in the thoughts that expel from his mouth.
"Well, Gerard really likes comic books... but he also likes music... he can sing really well did you know that?" Frank just keeps rambling. I think he's nervous.
"Frank chill out okay? I can't deal with this hype. Like your rad and all but, um.... er... calm down." I stutter through my words again. I can't speak as intricately as I write. I can write in fluent gorgeous sentences but speaking is the one thing that escapes my grotesquely long armed grasp. I am such a loser. Even my thoughts are more poetic than the words I so often spit out into the air for others to be riddled with. I am nothing less that dysfunctional. I wonder if the others ever see the sadness behind my eyes at my own thoughts. I plague myself with pain knowing perfection is forever out side my limits. Frank looks to me with his pleading puppy eyes and I can only wonder what is wrong,
"Um... are you alright?" My voice is a light whisper.
"You aren't listening to me Ryan, you're doing that thing where you get inside your own head and start looking depressed and I don't like it Ryan... I really just don't." He was looking at the ground now.
"I know Frankie, I'm sorry... I try not to it is just really difficult you know? Like one minute I'm completely fine then the next I can't function properly. I don't mean to do it, I really just can't help it. If I could you know I would." I sigh after the last bit wishing these new antidepressants would work. How do I even point out to little niave Frankie that I don't do this on purpose. I feel like I'm his broken older brother he looks up to but can't because he is beginning to see my faults. I want to cry now. I'm doing it again. I try so hard to hold to my promises and I just can't! I fail at life sometimes. "Frank, I'm just... broken."
The next step I was not ready for when Frank pulled me into a long warming embrace. He was sobbing, "Do not talk like that. Ryan you are fine. I can't live with out you please don't say things like that. Don't do it again."
I felt tears well up, "I wouldn't Frank, never again. I made a promise to you and Brendon. Never again!" I began to sob and Frank held me. He hushed me with,
"I'm sorry I know. I know." I whimpered lightly. I know this is not behavior to expose at the mall but I'm scared. I always am.
"FAGS!" someone shouts from a few feet away. I pull from Frank to see nothing less than putrid scum. Zayn Malik. you think after getting detention and suspension from school he wouldn't mess with our little group of nobodies but he does. I sigh hoping this will all be over sooner than later. I watch him saunter over with only the feeling of dread in the pit of my belly.
@katiekilljoy
@TwistedKnife
@beautiful_freak
I actually have another story in the process. it isn't ferard but has some in it. it's called "life isn't fair" it's on here so if you wanna check it out.
1/12/14