What wouldn't I do for you?
thnk fr th mmrs
Brendon [P.O.V.]
Watching the snow begin to fall is always one of my favorite things. I never imagined that I would watch it from the third story window of a cold hospital though. I see the colorful leaves on the ground slowly being surrounded and consumed by the snow. I sometimes wonder if Ryan feels like a leaf in the winter once so wonderful and beautiful but some how lost and consumed by something stronger than him. I know he isn't as fragile as I and everyone else views him as but still I worry only because I love him. I worry about everyone though. I worry for Frank seeing as he is my best friend, I worry for Gerard because I know Frank is a handful at times and Gerard is dealing with a lot right now, I worry about Ray because Mikey's actions might kill him, and I worry for Mikey because he is not strong enough to fight this battle alone. No one is. No one could be. I wish I could tell Mikey that I love him like a brother and with out him we would all be lost. I will if he wakes up. The doctors said a slight chance he might not, but I have hope. I may not be mormon anymore but I believe in God still. I have no reason not to. God does not control people but he has influence on them. If I was born gay I know he intended me to be that way, God doesn't make mistakes. God only puts hurdles in front of us to help us grow and reach our full potential. I hear a muffled squeak from Ryan. I look at his mob of hair on my shoulder. He is pretending to sleep and I can tell you that for sure. I see his eyes peek open to glance to see if Mikey has stirred. I whisper,
"Sleep Ryro. I don't want to be your mother."
"A heartless witch who is ashamed because her son isn't perfect. You never could you're too good of a man for that." He mutters. I smile as he tries to fake sleep again. I wrap my arm around his shoulders and place his head on my chest. I whisper,
"Remember whenever you feel low, that the sound you hear right now my heart beat, it only beats for you. If you die honey I'm going down too."
"If that is true then I say the same. With out you my reasons to live are cut in half. I live to hear the cute ringing of your melodic voice." He whispers so sweetly I can't help but feel over joyed. i look at Ray though who has been shredded to pieces and I wonder how he can even breath. He looks like his heart has been ripped from his chest. I know that he is feeling the pain of this like everyone else. He says he is fine but the small pleading light in his eyes says help anyone help me. I need to help him. He doesn't deserve to feel so isolated in this time of sorrow. I whisper,
"Ray, do you want to talk? It might be helpful to get what you're feeling out in the open."
"I'm just exhausted and I want him to be better. If he just let me in to help him when he gets low like this I would, in anyway I could." He mumbled.
"It's a process. I know from personal experience if you give it time it will get better." I sigh looking at my defeated boyfriend.
"What if now we don't have the time?" He started to cry softly. I hadn't thought about that or at least tried not to. What if Mikey isn't okay and Ray never gets to get inside under his skin? What if Ryan loses his best friend? The one person who understands him best...
Watching the snow begin to fall is always one of my favorite things. I never imagined that I would watch it from the third story window of a cold hospital though. I see the colorful leaves on the ground slowly being surrounded and consumed by the snow. I sometimes wonder if Ryan feels like a leaf in the winter once so wonderful and beautiful but some how lost and consumed by something stronger than him. I know he isn't as fragile as I and everyone else views him as but still I worry only because I love him. I worry about everyone though. I worry for Frank seeing as he is my best friend, I worry for Gerard because I know Frank is a handful at times and Gerard is dealing with a lot right now, I worry about Ray because Mikey's actions might kill him, and I worry for Mikey because he is not strong enough to fight this battle alone. No one is. No one could be. I wish I could tell Mikey that I love him like a brother and with out him we would all be lost. I will if he wakes up. The doctors said a slight chance he might not, but I have hope. I may not be mormon anymore but I believe in God still. I have no reason not to. God does not control people but he has influence on them. If I was born gay I know he intended me to be that way, God doesn't make mistakes. God only puts hurdles in front of us to help us grow and reach our full potential. I hear a muffled squeak from Ryan. I look at his mob of hair on my shoulder. He is pretending to sleep and I can tell you that for sure. I see his eyes peek open to glance to see if Mikey has stirred. I whisper,
"Sleep Ryro. I don't want to be your mother."
"A heartless witch who is ashamed because her son isn't perfect. You never could you're too good of a man for that." He mutters. I smile as he tries to fake sleep again. I wrap my arm around his shoulders and place his head on my chest. I whisper,
"Remember whenever you feel low, that the sound you hear right now my heart beat, it only beats for you. If you die honey I'm going down too."
"If that is true then I say the same. With out you my reasons to live are cut in half. I live to hear the cute ringing of your melodic voice." He whispers so sweetly I can't help but feel over joyed. i look at Ray though who has been shredded to pieces and I wonder how he can even breath. He looks like his heart has been ripped from his chest. I know that he is feeling the pain of this like everyone else. He says he is fine but the small pleading light in his eyes says help anyone help me. I need to help him. He doesn't deserve to feel so isolated in this time of sorrow. I whisper,
"Ray, do you want to talk? It might be helpful to get what you're feeling out in the open."
"I'm just exhausted and I want him to be better. If he just let me in to help him when he gets low like this I would, in anyway I could." He mumbled.
"It's a process. I know from personal experience if you give it time it will get better." I sigh looking at my defeated boyfriend.
"What if now we don't have the time?" He started to cry softly. I hadn't thought about that or at least tried not to. What if Mikey isn't okay and Ray never gets to get inside under his skin? What if Ryan loses his best friend? The one person who understands him best...
@katiekilljoy
@TwistedKnife
@beautiful_freak
I actually have another story in the process. it isn't ferard but has some in it. it's called "life isn't fair" it's on here so if you wanna check it out.
1/12/14