What wouldn't I do for you?
Northern Downpour
Gerard [P.O.V.]
Sitting in silence is not comforting when you can't help but feel useless. Mikey is laying in the hospital bed looking limp and lifeless. I only want to see his eyes flutter open and meet my own. Ray is in the corner with his hands up. His eyes are bloodshot from the tears. I keep looking between everyone in the room. Frank has a hand on my leg rubbing it softly, Brendon is looking distant from the rest of the group, Ryan is off in his own head sneaking peeks at Mikey to check on him but also gazing at Brendon to make sure he hasn't completely crashed yet, then Mikey lays still on the bed. His long limbs are fairly straight. His face is pale and poker faced like always. I keep wishing for some movement. I can hear his shallow breathing but nothing else. I hear a soft whisper,
"Gerard, do you need to sleep? You look beat." It was Ryan. I am not angry at him though he thinks I am. He keeps saying this is somehow his fault. If he had been there but how could he have known. We all knew how Mikey suffered day in and day out we just never imagined....
"No, Ry I want to see him when he wakes up." I see Ryan nod in understanding and I continue, "Ryan, you shouldn't feel guilty. This isn't your fault. You can't blame yourself. We never could have known."
"The problem is I do blame myself. I should have seen the signs. I was once in this very same spot. I overdosed on my anti-depressants. I should have seen the warnings. He has all of the same ones I did. How could I have been so oblivious." Ryan has tears in his eyes, "If I had to say anyone understood me the best it's him, but why can't he say the same about me." I look at Ryan. I don't mean like glance at his physical features but for once look at his inner lining. Ryan is in the simplest of terms a misunderstood child with issues. He hides so much to pretend he's fine when inside he aches and longs for comfort. He doesn't latch to normalcy he looks for companions who have similar problems to him. He found Brendon a beaten and abused homosexual boy from a mormon family of course he understands some but not all. Mikey is so much like Ryan it's scary. He is hurting, depressed, wronged by those he trusted most in the world. I whisper,
"Ryan, I may not understand you but I get that you have a strong connection to Mikey. I have one too being he is my brother but you two share similarities that me and him never could. You are honestly like a second brother to him. He looks to you because you were strong enough to handle the similar beast that rages inside of you. He saw that and envied you. I understand that he is your bestfriend. I get it. I really do."
Ryan nodded in understanding, "Thank you Gerard. That means a lot." He shed a tear. It rolled down his cheek and curved by his mouth. Brendon rubbed his back and he whispered,
"Ryan, maybe some sleep would do you good. You have had a rough day. They said the wound will be taking a lot out of you." Ryan nodded. He is so strong but when Brendon is involved he becomes submissive. He knows that Brendon only has the best intentions for him in heart. Ryan whispered,
"I'm just going to get a blanket from the closet okay? I will rest I promise." Brendon tried to smile but it just didn't reach his eyes. He wanted Ryan to be happy but he knows Ryan won't until Mikey is awake again.
"Okay Ry, thank you again baby." Brendon smiles at him softly again as he says it.
"Bren, I just want you to know, I may not always show it but I love and appreciate you. You put up with a lot of shit for me."
"I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you too." Ryan relaxed as Brendon said it back. Maybe it was the first time they had said it. It was not my business though so I kept my nose clean. I looked at Frank and he kissed the tip of my nose softly. He really was my everything. I sigh looking at him,
"Why, why would he do this?"
I hear Ray mutter, "Can't this all just be a dream?" I sighed. I really wish it were.
Sitting in silence is not comforting when you can't help but feel useless. Mikey is laying in the hospital bed looking limp and lifeless. I only want to see his eyes flutter open and meet my own. Ray is in the corner with his hands up. His eyes are bloodshot from the tears. I keep looking between everyone in the room. Frank has a hand on my leg rubbing it softly, Brendon is looking distant from the rest of the group, Ryan is off in his own head sneaking peeks at Mikey to check on him but also gazing at Brendon to make sure he hasn't completely crashed yet, then Mikey lays still on the bed. His long limbs are fairly straight. His face is pale and poker faced like always. I keep wishing for some movement. I can hear his shallow breathing but nothing else. I hear a soft whisper,
"Gerard, do you need to sleep? You look beat." It was Ryan. I am not angry at him though he thinks I am. He keeps saying this is somehow his fault. If he had been there but how could he have known. We all knew how Mikey suffered day in and day out we just never imagined....
"No, Ry I want to see him when he wakes up." I see Ryan nod in understanding and I continue, "Ryan, you shouldn't feel guilty. This isn't your fault. You can't blame yourself. We never could have known."
"The problem is I do blame myself. I should have seen the signs. I was once in this very same spot. I overdosed on my anti-depressants. I should have seen the warnings. He has all of the same ones I did. How could I have been so oblivious." Ryan has tears in his eyes, "If I had to say anyone understood me the best it's him, but why can't he say the same about me." I look at Ryan. I don't mean like glance at his physical features but for once look at his inner lining. Ryan is in the simplest of terms a misunderstood child with issues. He hides so much to pretend he's fine when inside he aches and longs for comfort. He doesn't latch to normalcy he looks for companions who have similar problems to him. He found Brendon a beaten and abused homosexual boy from a mormon family of course he understands some but not all. Mikey is so much like Ryan it's scary. He is hurting, depressed, wronged by those he trusted most in the world. I whisper,
"Ryan, I may not understand you but I get that you have a strong connection to Mikey. I have one too being he is my brother but you two share similarities that me and him never could. You are honestly like a second brother to him. He looks to you because you were strong enough to handle the similar beast that rages inside of you. He saw that and envied you. I understand that he is your bestfriend. I get it. I really do."
Ryan nodded in understanding, "Thank you Gerard. That means a lot." He shed a tear. It rolled down his cheek and curved by his mouth. Brendon rubbed his back and he whispered,
"Ryan, maybe some sleep would do you good. You have had a rough day. They said the wound will be taking a lot out of you." Ryan nodded. He is so strong but when Brendon is involved he becomes submissive. He knows that Brendon only has the best intentions for him in heart. Ryan whispered,
"I'm just going to get a blanket from the closet okay? I will rest I promise." Brendon tried to smile but it just didn't reach his eyes. He wanted Ryan to be happy but he knows Ryan won't until Mikey is awake again.
"Okay Ry, thank you again baby." Brendon smiles at him softly again as he says it.
"Bren, I just want you to know, I may not always show it but I love and appreciate you. You put up with a lot of shit for me."
"I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you too." Ryan relaxed as Brendon said it back. Maybe it was the first time they had said it. It was not my business though so I kept my nose clean. I looked at Frank and he kissed the tip of my nose softly. He really was my everything. I sigh looking at him,
"Why, why would he do this?"
I hear Ray mutter, "Can't this all just be a dream?" I sighed. I really wish it were.
@katiekilljoy
@TwistedKnife
@beautiful_freak
I actually have another story in the process. it isn't ferard but has some in it. it's called "life isn't fair" it's on here so if you wanna check it out.
1/12/14