What wouldn't I do for you?
New Perspective
Ryan [P.O.V.]
I had heard the news but couldn't believe it. Why had he done it? How could he feel that low. I knew that Mikey and I were similar in many ways. We both suffered from depression brought on by traumatic experience is our lives. His parents abusive nature had done him in and getting raped by a man I devoted my entire life to at one point had me pinned to the wall. I look at this bandage on my arm, but it won't hurt nearly as much as the emotional toll that Mikey's actions will have on me. They say there is no word as of right now on his condition. I hope that he is okay though. Brendon keeps saying everything will be fine but we both know it won't. What if he dies? I can't lose my best friend. Mikey gets me. Though we haven't known each other long we get it. We see it. We understand the others pain and trials. I hear my heart monitor beep in that same mono-toned deafening sound. It is like a poorly set metronome. I wonder if I could play guitar correctly after this. My beauty at home world be a constant reminder of my broken heart. I don't hate Pete I never could. He was my only friend and he helped me get the friends I have now. I owe him that. I know he didn't understand what he did was wrong at the time, but apologies don't mend those kind of things. His apology could not take the thoughts from my head, the hurt from my heart, this bullet from my arm, and it damn well could not put the blood back in Mikey's wrist. We are broken toys all the same. I am a misfit just like all the others. I remember the old Rudolph cartoon. On the island of misfit toys. That is where I belong. I am the bad explorer, the broken jack in the box, the abominable snowman, and the elf who dreams to be a dentist. I am the epitome of all that is broke, all that is desolate. I can't be fixed properly. I am damaged goods. One has to look beyond the scrapes, bumps and bruises to see the silver lining I hold underneath. I thank the deity that sent me Brendon. For some weird twist of fate the perfection that is Brendon Boyd Urie decided upon the broken child to fall in love with. I won't question it because with out him I may be more like Mikey. I now understand that being in this state of constant depression is not beautiful, poetic or a masterpiece of sorts but a curse. A curse I must bear for all those who are not strong enough to bear my curse. To live this way I must hold something inside me that keeps my sanity. I don't understand why but some how my physical exterior does not represent my inner workings of my mind, While I look feeble on the outside, inside I am but the strongest of men. I hold a knowledge like no other. As I look over at my sleeping boyfriend I think how loved I must be for him to put up with all the loss that surrounds me. I love him more for he could never know that. I tell him everyday I would be lost without him and he just says I would be fine, I'm the strongest man he has ever known. Clearly he doesn't know himself because he is the strongest man I have ever had the privilege to call mine.
A knock sounds on the door of my room and Frank walks in. He tries to smile but we both know it is futile. He whispers,
"Good news, Mikey is stable. They have him in ICU in extreme lock down. I know Gerard is relieved and so is Ray. I know that you and Mikey are super tight so I know that will let you have some peace as well. Ry, you really should sleep though."
I exhale as I can finally stop holding my breath, "Yeah, I know I should but Mikey is okay? I mean nothing majorly wrong with him other than his mental state?" Frank nods at me and I try to force a smile. Brendon stirs and opens his eyes to look at me. I mouth, 'sleep.' He nods and obeys. I sigh and Frank leaves the room. I close my eyes hoping that after this maybe we call all get a new perspective on life and change for the better. We could all use some change clearly.
I had heard the news but couldn't believe it. Why had he done it? How could he feel that low. I knew that Mikey and I were similar in many ways. We both suffered from depression brought on by traumatic experience is our lives. His parents abusive nature had done him in and getting raped by a man I devoted my entire life to at one point had me pinned to the wall. I look at this bandage on my arm, but it won't hurt nearly as much as the emotional toll that Mikey's actions will have on me. They say there is no word as of right now on his condition. I hope that he is okay though. Brendon keeps saying everything will be fine but we both know it won't. What if he dies? I can't lose my best friend. Mikey gets me. Though we haven't known each other long we get it. We see it. We understand the others pain and trials. I hear my heart monitor beep in that same mono-toned deafening sound. It is like a poorly set metronome. I wonder if I could play guitar correctly after this. My beauty at home world be a constant reminder of my broken heart. I don't hate Pete I never could. He was my only friend and he helped me get the friends I have now. I owe him that. I know he didn't understand what he did was wrong at the time, but apologies don't mend those kind of things. His apology could not take the thoughts from my head, the hurt from my heart, this bullet from my arm, and it damn well could not put the blood back in Mikey's wrist. We are broken toys all the same. I am a misfit just like all the others. I remember the old Rudolph cartoon. On the island of misfit toys. That is where I belong. I am the bad explorer, the broken jack in the box, the abominable snowman, and the elf who dreams to be a dentist. I am the epitome of all that is broke, all that is desolate. I can't be fixed properly. I am damaged goods. One has to look beyond the scrapes, bumps and bruises to see the silver lining I hold underneath. I thank the deity that sent me Brendon. For some weird twist of fate the perfection that is Brendon Boyd Urie decided upon the broken child to fall in love with. I won't question it because with out him I may be more like Mikey. I now understand that being in this state of constant depression is not beautiful, poetic or a masterpiece of sorts but a curse. A curse I must bear for all those who are not strong enough to bear my curse. To live this way I must hold something inside me that keeps my sanity. I don't understand why but some how my physical exterior does not represent my inner workings of my mind, While I look feeble on the outside, inside I am but the strongest of men. I hold a knowledge like no other. As I look over at my sleeping boyfriend I think how loved I must be for him to put up with all the loss that surrounds me. I love him more for he could never know that. I tell him everyday I would be lost without him and he just says I would be fine, I'm the strongest man he has ever known. Clearly he doesn't know himself because he is the strongest man I have ever had the privilege to call mine.
A knock sounds on the door of my room and Frank walks in. He tries to smile but we both know it is futile. He whispers,
"Good news, Mikey is stable. They have him in ICU in extreme lock down. I know Gerard is relieved and so is Ray. I know that you and Mikey are super tight so I know that will let you have some peace as well. Ry, you really should sleep though."
I exhale as I can finally stop holding my breath, "Yeah, I know I should but Mikey is okay? I mean nothing majorly wrong with him other than his mental state?" Frank nods at me and I try to force a smile. Brendon stirs and opens his eyes to look at me. I mouth, 'sleep.' He nods and obeys. I sigh and Frank leaves the room. I close my eyes hoping that after this maybe we call all get a new perspective on life and change for the better. We could all use some change clearly.
@katiekilljoy
@TwistedKnife
@beautiful_freak
I actually have another story in the process. it isn't ferard but has some in it. it's called "life isn't fair" it's on here so if you wanna check it out.
1/12/14