What wouldn't I do for you?
The Only Difference Between Suicide and Martyrdom is Press Coverage
Mikey [P.O.V.]
I was still in shock. My mind is racing and soon enough it will be crashing. Ray holds my hand but nothing feels right. I just want this to all be an end. How do I continue after this? After everything that has happened. Is it my fault that Ryan is hurt? That Brendon is in emotional destress? Can I be blamed for this school shooting? Everything has fallen apart at the seams. I am useless aren't I? Maybe everyone could be happier if I wasn't around anymore? I have been thinking about this for quite some time now. Ever sense Alicia and I broke up I have been captured by these thoughts. I feel the car come to a stop and walk into my room leaving everyone behind. I really need to be alone. I start some music trying desperately to elude my haunting thoughts. I feel this urge pulling towards the box I hide under my bed. I feel the force of gravity as though it has its own. I reach my arm under searching for its inevitable resting place. I pull it out and open in laying the top softly on the floor beside me. In it is a bottle of anti depressents, a gun that is loaded but small and finally my razor blade. I look at the gun thinking how quickly I could end it all. I could, but I want to feel the pain of it all. I want to feel the world around my fall and crash until my eyes close forever slowly. I grab the blade and feel the cold metal between my skin. I hold onto it between my index finger and thumb. The metal feels sleek and beautiful. I roll up my shirt sleeve. If I die today at least I will look dressed for the occasion. I push deeper into my skin than I ever have in the past. Right across the large blue pratruding vain in my skinny wrist. I feel the first rush of adrenaline, blood, and warmth leave me. I do the same to my other wrist and lay down ready to see the end. I feel good, complete almost. I am not afraid of the end, I long for it. I can hear a muffled banging on my door as whoever it is just walks in. I hear a muffled scream like who is screaming is wearing a scarf that covers their mouth. They yell,
"Gerard! Mikey slit his wrist he's bleeding out call 911! Please!!" I then hear the panicking voice of people around me. In the distance I hear a siren. I then see the beautiful haunting glow in front of me. I watch as it slowly escapes me. I try to run to it. I want nothing more than to feel it surround me. I run faster as it grows smaller and is finally gone. I am in the blackness. Is this what I wanted? No, I was supposed to find the light. I was supposed to be in it forever and now I am no where. Can this be my own damanation? I ruined my own chances in heaven. I am recieving the consciences of my action. I am doomed to suffer.
I was still in shock. My mind is racing and soon enough it will be crashing. Ray holds my hand but nothing feels right. I just want this to all be an end. How do I continue after this? After everything that has happened. Is it my fault that Ryan is hurt? That Brendon is in emotional destress? Can I be blamed for this school shooting? Everything has fallen apart at the seams. I am useless aren't I? Maybe everyone could be happier if I wasn't around anymore? I have been thinking about this for quite some time now. Ever sense Alicia and I broke up I have been captured by these thoughts. I feel the car come to a stop and walk into my room leaving everyone behind. I really need to be alone. I start some music trying desperately to elude my haunting thoughts. I feel this urge pulling towards the box I hide under my bed. I feel the force of gravity as though it has its own. I reach my arm under searching for its inevitable resting place. I pull it out and open in laying the top softly on the floor beside me. In it is a bottle of anti depressents, a gun that is loaded but small and finally my razor blade. I look at the gun thinking how quickly I could end it all. I could, but I want to feel the pain of it all. I want to feel the world around my fall and crash until my eyes close forever slowly. I grab the blade and feel the cold metal between my skin. I hold onto it between my index finger and thumb. The metal feels sleek and beautiful. I roll up my shirt sleeve. If I die today at least I will look dressed for the occasion. I push deeper into my skin than I ever have in the past. Right across the large blue pratruding vain in my skinny wrist. I feel the first rush of adrenaline, blood, and warmth leave me. I do the same to my other wrist and lay down ready to see the end. I feel good, complete almost. I am not afraid of the end, I long for it. I can hear a muffled banging on my door as whoever it is just walks in. I hear a muffled scream like who is screaming is wearing a scarf that covers their mouth. They yell,
"Gerard! Mikey slit his wrist he's bleeding out call 911! Please!!" I then hear the panicking voice of people around me. In the distance I hear a siren. I then see the beautiful haunting glow in front of me. I watch as it slowly escapes me. I try to run to it. I want nothing more than to feel it surround me. I run faster as it grows smaller and is finally gone. I am in the blackness. Is this what I wanted? No, I was supposed to find the light. I was supposed to be in it forever and now I am no where. Can this be my own damanation? I ruined my own chances in heaven. I am recieving the consciences of my action. I am doomed to suffer.
@katiekilljoy
@TwistedKnife
@beautiful_freak
I actually have another story in the process. it isn't ferard but has some in it. it's called "life isn't fair" it's on here so if you wanna check it out.
1/12/14