What wouldn't I do for you?
Best of You
Ryan [P.O.V.]
I feel as though I owe my friends an explanation. I really just need to tell them about why I have the problems I have. My parents don't even know the truth behind my depression. The only one in the world who knows is the one who caused me to think so lowly of myself and hate who I am. He was the curse of what I once was. He was a bitter relic of a past me that was not strong enough to defend myself. In his eyes me crying and screaming 'No please don't' didn't matter in the slightest. With all the guys at Gerard, Mikey and Franks' tonight I may as well explain. I want to tell them all the truth but will Mikey accept it? Honestly I hoped so I loved him like a brother and would be sad to lose him. I sigh looking around Gerard and Franks' room in the basement. It was gorgeous and stunning. Everything about it had this 'punk' feel that turned more like we are flaming homosexuals but we are hardcore sometimes. I smiled at my own dumb thoughts.
"Hey guys?" I murmur.
"Yeah Ry?" Gerard smiles. I sigh hoping this would only make them understand not hate me for being so weak.
"I need to explain why me and Pete have such a horrible history. I know that it may be long and depressing but please listen for me? I want my brothers in this world to understand where I come from, why I am the way I am." All the of the guys whisper in agreement and I take a deep loathing breath.
"Well, when Pete and I were in the 7th grade we were great friends. He was like my best friend. He was the first person I came out to. I know that later that year I met Frank and Brendon but before that I was pretty lonely. I was always happy then. Nothing brought my mood down. Pete was awesome for the most part we just played video games and junk together. It was so cool. I remember some of my best days were with him. I felt like king of the world for once. It wasn't until around the last part of 7th grade things went bad. I was still in that awkward not a child not a teenager state but Pete was a teenager. He had facial hair starting and his voice dropped. I was jealous to say the least. Pete was gay too obviously and he had urges. One night we were having a sleep over. I was so innocent. I had no clue what sex was. Pete looked at me and whispered
'Ry, will you have sex with me I here it's great.' I was shocked and barely knew what sex was. My parents had told me a little but not nearly enough. I just said
'No Pete, that seems wrong. I don't even really know what sex is yet.' Pete smirked when I said that and he whispered
'let me show you then.' I just remember he grabbed me by the wrist. I was sizably smaller and he flung me around. I screamed 'No!' so many times. I had tears in my eyes. I was terrified. I remember him laughing and moaning. He said I was 'so good'. I just cried. When he finished I just knew I was in a great deal of pain. I was hurt physically but I broke emotionally that day. He killed my innocents. I started cutting after that. Pete started to realize how depressed I was and no longer wanted to be my friend. I was lonely for so long. I remember crying myself to sleep. I was so weak, so broken and defeated. I prayed for a savior. I finally found it though. Brendon came to our school. He was so lost and lonely that he chose to sit with the depressed boy at lunch. He sat down and smiled so beautifully. He was so bright and happy that there was nothing I wanted more than to be with him. I wanted to be like him. I hated feeling used, abused and broken. Brendon started getting closer to me and introduced me to Frank. Frank became my brother. Neither of them ever seemed as damaged as I was. I loathed there happiness but at the same time felt nothing but happiness for the two of them. I was just so elated with them. They protected me and saved me from the bullying. I felt I owed a debt to them that I hoped my friendship would repay. I love them because they honestly saved my life. I finally had the saviors I had been praying for." I saw Gerard with a tear soaked face. Mikey had disappeared at some point. Brendon had his head dug into my shoulder silently sobbing. Frank smiled as the tears escaped his bright eyes. I felt so loved right then as Gerard whispered,
"Ryan, you are a beautifully wonderful human being. You are strong, moral and amazingly talented. I thank whatever force gave you such honorable friends to help you carry on. I feel as though if I had never met you I would not be half the man I am now. I know we have only known each other a short while but I love and admire you like a brother." I felt the tears pricking at my eyes. How had someone as ridiculous as me ever influenced someones life? I smiled and got up to hug Gerard. He smiled. I was so happy they understood me. Maybe one day I could come to understand the vast mystery that is Gerard Way. One last question lay hauntingly in the back of my mind almost nagging. Where did Mikey go?
I feel as though I owe my friends an explanation. I really just need to tell them about why I have the problems I have. My parents don't even know the truth behind my depression. The only one in the world who knows is the one who caused me to think so lowly of myself and hate who I am. He was the curse of what I once was. He was a bitter relic of a past me that was not strong enough to defend myself. In his eyes me crying and screaming 'No please don't' didn't matter in the slightest. With all the guys at Gerard, Mikey and Franks' tonight I may as well explain. I want to tell them all the truth but will Mikey accept it? Honestly I hoped so I loved him like a brother and would be sad to lose him. I sigh looking around Gerard and Franks' room in the basement. It was gorgeous and stunning. Everything about it had this 'punk' feel that turned more like we are flaming homosexuals but we are hardcore sometimes. I smiled at my own dumb thoughts.
"Hey guys?" I murmur.
"Yeah Ry?" Gerard smiles. I sigh hoping this would only make them understand not hate me for being so weak.
"I need to explain why me and Pete have such a horrible history. I know that it may be long and depressing but please listen for me? I want my brothers in this world to understand where I come from, why I am the way I am." All the of the guys whisper in agreement and I take a deep loathing breath.
"Well, when Pete and I were in the 7th grade we were great friends. He was like my best friend. He was the first person I came out to. I know that later that year I met Frank and Brendon but before that I was pretty lonely. I was always happy then. Nothing brought my mood down. Pete was awesome for the most part we just played video games and junk together. It was so cool. I remember some of my best days were with him. I felt like king of the world for once. It wasn't until around the last part of 7th grade things went bad. I was still in that awkward not a child not a teenager state but Pete was a teenager. He had facial hair starting and his voice dropped. I was jealous to say the least. Pete was gay too obviously and he had urges. One night we were having a sleep over. I was so innocent. I had no clue what sex was. Pete looked at me and whispered
'Ry, will you have sex with me I here it's great.' I was shocked and barely knew what sex was. My parents had told me a little but not nearly enough. I just said
'No Pete, that seems wrong. I don't even really know what sex is yet.' Pete smirked when I said that and he whispered
'let me show you then.' I just remember he grabbed me by the wrist. I was sizably smaller and he flung me around. I screamed 'No!' so many times. I had tears in my eyes. I was terrified. I remember him laughing and moaning. He said I was 'so good'. I just cried. When he finished I just knew I was in a great deal of pain. I was hurt physically but I broke emotionally that day. He killed my innocents. I started cutting after that. Pete started to realize how depressed I was and no longer wanted to be my friend. I was lonely for so long. I remember crying myself to sleep. I was so weak, so broken and defeated. I prayed for a savior. I finally found it though. Brendon came to our school. He was so lost and lonely that he chose to sit with the depressed boy at lunch. He sat down and smiled so beautifully. He was so bright and happy that there was nothing I wanted more than to be with him. I wanted to be like him. I hated feeling used, abused and broken. Brendon started getting closer to me and introduced me to Frank. Frank became my brother. Neither of them ever seemed as damaged as I was. I loathed there happiness but at the same time felt nothing but happiness for the two of them. I was just so elated with them. They protected me and saved me from the bullying. I felt I owed a debt to them that I hoped my friendship would repay. I love them because they honestly saved my life. I finally had the saviors I had been praying for." I saw Gerard with a tear soaked face. Mikey had disappeared at some point. Brendon had his head dug into my shoulder silently sobbing. Frank smiled as the tears escaped his bright eyes. I felt so loved right then as Gerard whispered,
"Ryan, you are a beautifully wonderful human being. You are strong, moral and amazingly talented. I thank whatever force gave you such honorable friends to help you carry on. I feel as though if I had never met you I would not be half the man I am now. I know we have only known each other a short while but I love and admire you like a brother." I felt the tears pricking at my eyes. How had someone as ridiculous as me ever influenced someones life? I smiled and got up to hug Gerard. He smiled. I was so happy they understood me. Maybe one day I could come to understand the vast mystery that is Gerard Way. One last question lay hauntingly in the back of my mind almost nagging. Where did Mikey go?
@katiekilljoy
@TwistedKnife
@beautiful_freak
I actually have another story in the process. it isn't ferard but has some in it. it's called "life isn't fair" it's on here so if you wanna check it out.
1/12/14