What wouldn't I do for you?
In too Deep
Ryan [P.O.V.]
I sat in silence staring into the infinite space. The black surrounding me was in the simplest terms, terrifying. I was shaken to the very core. My muscles ached from movement of some sort. I heard a soft whisper
"Here you are again. Solitude is your best friend." I felt the tear slip down my cheek. Hot and burning in the cold of the night. Every word that escaped my lips from this point would be rehearsed and lies. I was nothing but lost in this big world.
I had been sitting on the porch of my house for an hour now contemplating. What if I went in? Would they scream? Yell? Cuss? I honestly didn't know but I was scared. Everything I knew was saying stay, and freeze to death. It would be easier. My heart whispered
"Brendon, Brendon, Brendon." I knew I loved him, but how could he ever love me? I was a psychotic, antisocial freak with four friends. I felt a buzzing in my pocket. The old black phone I had showed six new messages. I opened the first to see
'Hey, baby don't worry i love you! I know you aren't crazy.' The second was a little panicky
'Baby, why didn't you text back?' The third
'seriously your scaring me.' The fourth
'Ryro please. I love you' The fifth
'Ryan, please.' The sixth and final
'George Ryan Ross, answer me dammit! I am terrified right now. I just need to know you are alright! I love you more than life it self.I'm coming over!' I whispered
"Wow." I sent back a small reply of
'I'm too scared to walk inside.' As the screen said sent Brendon sprinted onto the porch. I looked at him. He examined me and whispered
"Ryro you are freezing!" He came over and pulled me into a strong embrace. I wished I could be like him so perfect.
He wasn't too thin, not to scrawny, not lacking muscle. He could grow nice facial hair, he was always so sure of himself. He was perfect. Everything about him was. I whispered
"Bren, I wish I was perfect like you." He looked down at me tears welling in his eyes.
"Ryan Ross, you are perfect. Perfect for me. I love you. Everything about you. There isn't a thing I would change." I whispered
"Yeah but you aren't scared, weak or unsure of yourself. I always am. You are so confident. I wish I was that confident." Brendon kissed my forehead.
"Ryan, I am scared. All the time. I can just hide it really well. I fear for you everyday. I fear for Frank, Mikey and Gerard. Why would I act so confident if it wasn't for you. I want to be your stability, someone for you to rely on. I am scared if I wasn't there you may take your own life. You aren't crazy or depressed, just lost. I want to be the map that guides you back. I love you more than you could ever now. I wish you could understand how precious you are to me. I don't like that you are so fragile and could break so easy. I want you to be strong with out me one day but if you ever fall back to this dark place, I want to be there for you again." I felt the tears fall. He caught the first and whispered "Don't cry. You have no reason. I'm here everything is fine. Let us walk inside and face your battle together.
We walked into the dark living room. I tried to hide my fear. I saw a small light coming from the kitchen. The white room we entered had a small table with two people sitting at it. I sighed as the woman stood up and hugged me. Brendon held my hand tightly. She whispered
"Where have you been honey?" I whispered
"Just walking and thinking." She sighed
"You are freezing." I whispered
"Yeah I think I'm gonna go to bed." Brendon looked at me with fear in his eyes. "Can Brendon spend the night? Please?" My mother looked at my father who nodded softly.
"Yes honey, but no funny business. Got it?" We both nodded lightly. I turned to Brendon who led the way to my small basement bedroom. I whispered
"Will your parents mind?" Brendon smiled
"I told them before I left where I would be." He came closer to me and whispered "Will you smile for me Ry?" I tried to smile but it was very fake and noticeable. Brendon lifted my chin and kissed my lips slow and tender. I pulled him in tighter hoping to never lose him. I wanted him forever and always. This blissful moment I hoped would never end. We slowly fell onto the bed and to sleep still connected.
I sat in silence staring into the infinite space. The black surrounding me was in the simplest terms, terrifying. I was shaken to the very core. My muscles ached from movement of some sort. I heard a soft whisper
"Here you are again. Solitude is your best friend." I felt the tear slip down my cheek. Hot and burning in the cold of the night. Every word that escaped my lips from this point would be rehearsed and lies. I was nothing but lost in this big world.
I had been sitting on the porch of my house for an hour now contemplating. What if I went in? Would they scream? Yell? Cuss? I honestly didn't know but I was scared. Everything I knew was saying stay, and freeze to death. It would be easier. My heart whispered
"Brendon, Brendon, Brendon." I knew I loved him, but how could he ever love me? I was a psychotic, antisocial freak with four friends. I felt a buzzing in my pocket. The old black phone I had showed six new messages. I opened the first to see
'Hey, baby don't worry i love you! I know you aren't crazy.' The second was a little panicky
'Baby, why didn't you text back?' The third
'seriously your scaring me.' The fourth
'Ryro please. I love you' The fifth
'Ryan, please.' The sixth and final
'George Ryan Ross, answer me dammit! I am terrified right now. I just need to know you are alright! I love you more than life it self.I'm coming over!' I whispered
"Wow." I sent back a small reply of
'I'm too scared to walk inside.' As the screen said sent Brendon sprinted onto the porch. I looked at him. He examined me and whispered
"Ryro you are freezing!" He came over and pulled me into a strong embrace. I wished I could be like him so perfect.
He wasn't too thin, not to scrawny, not lacking muscle. He could grow nice facial hair, he was always so sure of himself. He was perfect. Everything about him was. I whispered
"Bren, I wish I was perfect like you." He looked down at me tears welling in his eyes.
"Ryan Ross, you are perfect. Perfect for me. I love you. Everything about you. There isn't a thing I would change." I whispered
"Yeah but you aren't scared, weak or unsure of yourself. I always am. You are so confident. I wish I was that confident." Brendon kissed my forehead.
"Ryan, I am scared. All the time. I can just hide it really well. I fear for you everyday. I fear for Frank, Mikey and Gerard. Why would I act so confident if it wasn't for you. I want to be your stability, someone for you to rely on. I am scared if I wasn't there you may take your own life. You aren't crazy or depressed, just lost. I want to be the map that guides you back. I love you more than you could ever now. I wish you could understand how precious you are to me. I don't like that you are so fragile and could break so easy. I want you to be strong with out me one day but if you ever fall back to this dark place, I want to be there for you again." I felt the tears fall. He caught the first and whispered "Don't cry. You have no reason. I'm here everything is fine. Let us walk inside and face your battle together.
We walked into the dark living room. I tried to hide my fear. I saw a small light coming from the kitchen. The white room we entered had a small table with two people sitting at it. I sighed as the woman stood up and hugged me. Brendon held my hand tightly. She whispered
"Where have you been honey?" I whispered
"Just walking and thinking." She sighed
"You are freezing." I whispered
"Yeah I think I'm gonna go to bed." Brendon looked at me with fear in his eyes. "Can Brendon spend the night? Please?" My mother looked at my father who nodded softly.
"Yes honey, but no funny business. Got it?" We both nodded lightly. I turned to Brendon who led the way to my small basement bedroom. I whispered
"Will your parents mind?" Brendon smiled
"I told them before I left where I would be." He came closer to me and whispered "Will you smile for me Ry?" I tried to smile but it was very fake and noticeable. Brendon lifted my chin and kissed my lips slow and tender. I pulled him in tighter hoping to never lose him. I wanted him forever and always. This blissful moment I hoped would never end. We slowly fell onto the bed and to sleep still connected.
@katiekilljoy
@TwistedKnife
@beautiful_freak
I actually have another story in the process. it isn't ferard but has some in it. it's called "life isn't fair" it's on here so if you wanna check it out.
1/12/14