“SHIT!” I shout to myself in a panic. I began to shake as I try to scurry out of the booth and run down the hall. I trip and come crashing to the floor, knees burning on the carpeting. I abandon my blankets in a pile, nervously clambering to my feet and pushing my way through my bedroom door. I lock it behind me and dive into my piles of clothing, littering the floor. I pull up a pair of flannel bottoms and a coffee and paint stained sweatshirt. I push myself into the corner of my room and shake, crying quietly.
“Gerard?” A voice calls from inside of my home. Relief washes over me. It’s Mikey.
“Gerard??” He approaches my door, sighing and knocking gently. I wipe my eyes and get up, opening the door for my brother.
“Hey,” I mumble, pushing past him and shuffling back to the kitchen, stepping around my blankets. I hear Mikey pause and pick them up.
“Hey yourself. I’m sorry I didn’t call before I came… I was just out visiting a friend and thought I’d stop by…”
“Well, you scared the shit out of me,” I started, pouring myself a cup of coffee and reaching to the window sill for my cigarettes and a lighter. Plopping down into the breakfast nook, I wrapped my fingers around my cup and sighed.
“Help yourself to a cup, Mikes.” He smiled and nodded, reaching up into a cabinet for a mug of his own. I took a sip of my coffee and made a face at its bitterness before sticking my cigarette in my mouth and sucking in, lighting it as I did so.
“So, Gerard…” I exhaled and watched the smoke plume rise up to the ceiling, fanning out and each side going their separate ways…
“Yes, Mikey…” I took another sip. Much better with the taste of cigarettes in my mouth.
“I was thinking about maybe coming over later to hang out…” I furrowed my brow at him.
“Aren’t we hanging out now, though?” I asked, taking a long drag. He licked his lips. I knew he wasn’t going to say something good if he licked his lips.
“Well I mean. I was thinking of bringing a friend over…” I froze. My blood thickened and prickled in my veins as it hardened.
“Mikey…”
“Gerard, he’s so nice. He really is. He’s like me, we’re so similar. You guys would get along!” I shook my head and turned away, taking a drag from my cigarette, a tear rolling down my face.
“You know how I feel about people, Michael. It’s not safe to bring them here.” I became quite fixated on a small cobweb in the corner of the room, trying my hardest not to sob.
“But Gerard… Please. Just try. Just try with him. You’ll like him!” I eyed him out of my peripherals.
“No.” I said, feeling the heat of my cigarette on my fingers as it burned down towards the end. I took a long, greedy drag; savoring the taste of the smoke before exhaling out of my nose. I sipped my coffee.
Mikey sighed, taking a last sip of his coffee before placing the mug in the sink.
“You can’t just be alone forever, Gerard.”
“I can, and I will.” I snapped, dabbing at my tears with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.
“We’ll see about that.” He said, heading to the slider door.
“We’ll see.” He opened it and stepped outside, leaning his upper half in to look at me.
“You can’t do this forever. Chase is gone now. You’re safe. You need to stop doing this to yourself.” He gave me a thoughtful look and bit the inside of his cheek before finally departing, closing the door behind him and walking out of my sight.
I listened for the sound of the car’s engine, and as it pulled away, I crumpled down onto myself, face pressed to the cool laminated table top, crying quietly.
Chase…

Notes

Just a short chapter. More soon!