Waiting to ask such a monumental question was like slowly pulling a band-aid off a hairy arm. Every time Mikey thought he’d have a chance Frank or Nat would shy the subject toward something ridiculous until finally he became so aggravated he stood up and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Sorry to interrupt, but is there anything you’d like to share with us, Dominica?” he stared at her and the color drained from her face.

“What?”

Grabbing the sketchbook he tossed it at her and she pulled her lip into her mouth and groaned. He never thought a tiny action as such would break his resolve to get the truth out of her but his annoyance came crashing down and his shoulders sagged.

“I don’t want to call you out, but keeping stuff from us clearly just doesn’t work,” he clarified.

“I know,” Dom whispered. She wiped the corner of her eye and set her guitar aside, staring at the open page with red all over it.

“I’m sorry you keep finding stuff out from other people, Mike.” She smiled at him. “But I guess I should just say it.” Her eyes fell on Nat whose eyebrows had drawn together in confusion. “I’m moving in a couple weeks. I just need a change of scenery. There’s so much bad karma around here and I just… I need a fresh start and when I spoke to Bob he inspired me to do something. You guys are going back on tour and Nat, you’ve got so much going for yourself and I don’t want to keep pulling you back.”

The blonde opened her mouth to protest but Dom shook her head. “I am and I know it. You’re a great drummer and an even better friend and I love you so much for that. You deserve to be able to go on tour with Frank or even fucking join a band and make it big and my sobriety issues just keep giving you that excuse not to. I can’t keep holding you here. You deserve to make it big. I’m selling my studio and most of my work is going into storage. I’ve sold a lot lately so I can keep up my half of the rent on the apartment if you choose to stay there, Nattie. But I can’t be here anymore.”

A tear leaked from the corner of her eye and she brushed it away. “What with Luke constantly tracking me down and trying to hurt me. I just can’t handle it. So leaving will definitely help my sanity. I’m sorry, guys.”

“Where are you moving?” Ray asked, draping his arm around her shoulders and squeezing.

“I don’t want to tell you. Not because I don’t want to see you anymore. I just think a break from everything will really help me out. I’ll keep my number the same but that’s it.”

She kept her eyes on her clasped hands, too scared to look up and see the expressions on their faces. She knew she’d disappointed them. Again. But she also knew she had to do something to get better and this was her last resort. If she didn’t leave she’d end up back where she started and that was no good for her or her friends.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered again and Ray hugged her.

“We’re here to support you, Pumpkin,” he whispered and she laughed.

“How many times do I have to ask you not to call me that?”

The group laughed, breaking the silence of the room and Dom finally pulled away from Ray. She took his hand and smiled, “Thanks for teaching me guitar. I really appreciate it.”

“You better keep it up while you’re gone.”

“I’ll try.”

“Good.”

“I don’t think I could ever find a better teacher though,” she grinned and he blushed. “Awe, Ray-Ray’s blushing!” She pinched his cheek and giggled.

“Right, well you know we’ll miss you like crazy,” Frank cleared his throat and Dom laughed when he scooped her into a hug.

“Oh God, so much love!” she laughed into his jacket. “You’re such a sweetheart, Frankie. I don’t know what I’d do without you sometimes.”

Grinning, Frank smacked a wet one on her cheek and she squirmed, wiping his spit from her face as the group laughed. Nat was next, pulling her roommate to her feet and hugging her tightly. Tears were shed and the two whispered back and forth for a moment before Mikey took his turn and gave her a big squeeze as well.

“Please keep in touch,” he whispered into her hair. “Please.”

“Of course I will,” she smiled. “I just got you back, why would I lose you again.”

“I know. Just don’t hurt my brother, Dom. He really does love you.”

Staring at him straight in the eyes, Dom nodded, “I really don’t want to hurt anyone, Mikey. I love all of you. That’s why I’m doing this. So I can’t hurt you guys or myself anymore.”

“You’re not your dad,” he whispered and she choked up, the sob escaping her before she could help it. Her hand flew to her mouth and she rested her chin on his shoulder. “I feel like it though.”

She turned her face in to the crook of his neck and tried to fight off another hiccup of emotion. “He hit people, I’m an emotional terrorist. We’re two peas.”

“No you’re not. Don’t say that.”

“But—”

“You’re not, Dominica.”

“I’m not gonna argue with you right now.” She sniffed and wiped at her face. “I’ll miss you Mikey.”

The two stepped away from each other and the studio descended into silence again. Dom offered each one of her friends a watery smile before her eyes fell on Gerard who stood off in the corner, his hands clasped behind his back. He flashed a crooked smile and her eyes welled up with tears.

“Alright, I think it’s time to call it a night,” Frank hopped to his feet and began ushering Nat, Mikey and Ray toward the door. He paused to wink over his shoulder and Dom smiled as they all gave her more hugs before filtering through the front door. Mikey paused and glanced at his brother.

“So, you coming?”

“I’ll catch up with you guys tomorrow.”

Nodding, Mikey bowed his head and left, the door closing loudly behind him and casting the space into that silence again. Letting her hands fall to her sides, Dom cleared her throat and began gathering the empty beer bottles and cigarette butts cluttering her coffee table. She could feel Gerard’s eyes on her as she flitted around the room cleaning up, every time she came close to him her body tensed and her stomach erupted with butterflies. Finally when she finished she turned to him and met his gaze, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.

“You want to talk about it?” he asked, sitting on the edge of the coffee table.

“No.”

“We should.”

Dom nodded. “I know.”

She watched him play with his fingers, his hair in his eyes and his sunglasses dangling from his shirt. Just watching him made her tingle and she wanted to do nothing but spill her guts about everything but it wouldn’t help whether she talked to him or not. He’d still be her drug of choice, no matter how hard she tried to quit him.

“I still fucking love you,” he whispered, resting his forehead on the heels of his hands. “Why can’t you just accept that?”

“Because I don’t want you to.” Dom slumped her shoulders, slouching to the couch where she sat in front of him, resting her hands on his knees. “Love is like a fucking death wish with me. I was built to destroy everything I love and loves me. That’s just how it works and I don’t want you to keep being a victim of it. I just want it to stop.”

Lowering his hands, Gerard looked up at her and brushed his fingers over the backs of her hands. He gripped her wrists, holding them on his knees and stared straight into her blotchy face.

“I’m not a victim, Dom. I’m here, I’m willing to go through this with you. We can do this. The both of us,” he smiled, trying to catch her eyes.

Shaking her head, Dom refused to meet his gaze. She kept her eyes on his throat, watching his Adam’s apple bob as he spoke. The corners of her mouth wobbled with her struggle against crying and she sniffed. Of course, just being close to him brought back all that crap he’d helped her through. Not just the lust and the secretive glances, but the long nights up talking, his quiet coaching her thourgh withdrawal her chest hurt just remembering.

“No, I have to leave. It’s not just this, us, it’s more than that. I just can’t be here. It’s like a pillow pressing over my mouth as I sleep. No matter how much I gasp for air all I’m doing is suffocating. I have to leave. You need to go find Lindsey, date her for all I fucking care. Just forget me. I’m not the girl for you, Gee. I can’t be.”

“I refuse to believe that,” Gerard insisted, pressing his forehead to hers. “Look at me.”

“No,” she sobbed.

“Dominica, please,” he traced her bottom lip with his thumb before kissing her roughly. “Please.”

“Stop it,” she sniffed and pulled away from him. “I’m leaving, it’s done, non-refundable. So let’s talk about something else.” Dom jumped to her feet and wiped at her eyes. Shoving her hair away from her face she looked around the studio and grabbed a magazine, sinking into the love seat Gerard had been sitting in earlier.

He watched her page through the magazine with aggressive turns. She sniffed occasionally but didn’t look away from whatever she was reading. Instead she just glared at it and swiped at her nose or her eyes and sniffed.

“You’re being stupid,” Gerard finally said, interrupting her sniffing.

“No, I’m doing what’s right for me.”

“But what about everyone else? Huh?”

Dom threw the magazine away from her with wide eyes. “Are you serious? How about I better myself before I worry about everyone else, Gee. Fuck you.”

The smile crept across his face and he leaned forward, “I get that, but I think you can still get better here.”

“Stop,” she glared at him. “I’m serious.”

“No.”

“I’m not fucking around!” she tossed the magazine at him. “This isn’t a joke!”

The smirk turned into a full-blown smile and he continued to goad her, “Really? Because your temper is just hilarious.”

“Don’t fuck with me,” she jumped to her feet. You’re just doing this to get ass and it’s not gonna work. I didn’t just nearly get raped or something for you to just waltz in here like a jackass and try and get in my pants.”

The snicker erupted from him before he could stop it and she glared at him. “Are you serious right now?”

“No, no I’m sorry,” he held his hands up. “I’m sorry.” He tried his hardest to stem the giggle fit but the anger in her eyes just cracked him up. Yeah, he’d lost his mind.

“What the fuck?” Dom took the few steps back across the room to him and swatted him over the head, ruffling his hair. “Are you dumb or something?”

“No!” he chuckled. “I don’t even know why this is so funny. I’m sorry. You’re just so angry for no reason.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry, I’ll stop.”

“No, now I’d like to know where this is coming from.” She was so close to his face he could feel her breath flutter over the tip of his nose. Gerard watched her eyes narrow, and caught the hint of blue around her pupils. Her eyes only hinted at blue when she was annoyed. The corner of his mouth lifted at the thought and he left out a chuckle.

“Do you want me to actually smack you? Because I will.” She pouted and crossed her arms over her chest. “This really isn’t funny.”

“You’re just fueling my fire, baby,” Gerard winked and she lunged at him, tackling him back onto the couch. Her hands pinned his shoulders to the cushions and she sat straddling his waist. She leaned forward so their faces were mere inches apart and glared down at him. Her long hair fell around them and a few strands brushed against his cheek.

“Please stop it,” she whispered. “You know I love you, you know I’ll eventually get through this but I can’t do whatever this is right now, okay? You know I want you, I do. But I can’t right now.”

The sadness in her eyes spoke volumes and she pressed her hand over his mouth, kissing the back of it before letting him sit up.

“I’m sorry. I just wanted you to smile.”

“I’ll smile when this is over. When I’m better.”

Gerard shook his head and rubbed his eye before looking back at her. “Then I’ll be here. I’ll wait for that moment when you want to show me.”