Dom’s eyes swam with tears. Wiping at them with shaking hands, she sniffed and dropped her purse on the dirty counter. She popped it open and shuffled around, her heart pounding as she searched for the amber bottle. Its loud rattle comforted her and she yanked it free of her cell phone charger. Hastily, she popped the top and shook out a handful of pills, shoving them in her mouth and turning on the faucet. Sticking her hands under the running water she desperately scooped it into her mouth, feeling the pills scrape against her insides as she swallowed them. Closing her eyes she leaned against the wall and smiled. The numbness was already kicking in. Her fingers began to tingle and she breathed slowly through her nose loving the sensation as it traveled slowly up her arms. Ignoring the bathroom door opening, she sank to the floor, her mind finally disconnecting and her head lolled back. Finally, peace.

A shadow cut off the fluorescent light of the room and she opened her eyes, frowning at the sight of the sneering man looming over her. “I can take you even higher if you want, Dommie,” Luke’s voice sounded deeper in her stupor. “I can make you completely numb.”

“How?” she heard herself ask, eager to quiet her mind completely.

Luke rummaged in his pockets and smiled, pulling out a syringe. “Take this.”

She eyed the needle warily, “I don’t like needles.”

“Oh you’ll like this one,” he smiled and knelt beside her, pushing the sleeve of her shirt up past her elbow.

“Luke, don’t,” she said, her voice weak. He ignored her, wrapping a rubber tube around her arm and tapping the skin at the bend of her elbow.

“Relax, baby, enjoy the ride,” he grinned.

Dom tried to push his hand away but he already had the needle in her arm, pushing the liquid into her veins. The affect was instant and she knew something was wrong, too much toxin in her system. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head and Luke snapped his fingers in front of her face.

“Dommie? Baby?”

A groan rolled from her lips and her eyes closed. Luke glanced around nervously and lifted her into his arms. Her eyes opened partially and she rested her head on his shoulder.

“What else have you taken?” he asked, patting her cheek with a sweaty hand. “Dommie?”

“Pills,” came her weak answer and Luke cursed.

“Just can’t get enough of them, can you?”

“Fuck off, Luke,” she managed, her mind fuzzy at the edges.

Her thoughts drifted to Mikey. She saw the emotion in his brown eyes his voice in her head. She felt the urge to pump herself with more pills until she couldn’t feel him anymore. She didn’t deserve his care, his pure, almost innocent love. The tears brimmed her eyes and she let her head fall back as Luke carried her from the bathroom into the dark club. Her eyes didn’t adjust quickly enough to the sudden darkness so she squeezed them shut.

“Dave, come here. Take her to my place. She’s good for tonight.”

“You sure?” Dave’s deep voice washed through Dom’s senses. “She doesn’t look good.”

Dom tried to focus on the conversation but her eyes didn’t seem to want to open. She coughed, trying to figure out what was wrong with her. Her arms wouldn’t move and her mind was fading. Struggling with herself she tried to wake up only to fall into unconscious.

Dom shot up out of her sleep with a shriek. The pain rushed through her middle the second the adrenaline from the memory wore off. Groaning loudly, she bent over the side of her bed and dry heaved. Her heart pounded hard in her chest and she felt winded, trying desperately to catch her breath. Cool fingers slid across her abdomen and she fell back onto the mattress. She turned to find Gerard lying beside her, his eyes still closed. He rubbed a circle on her stomach and she flinched, sucking in a sharp breath.

“Sorry, I forgot,” he grumbled, opening one eye. “You’ve been out for hours.”

She looked around the dark room, realizing they were in her studio, the familiar paintings covering her walls offering a bit of comfort. Her hand slowly moved to cover Gee’s and she smiled.

“Thanks for bringing me back here. What happened after I passed out?”

A frown creased his face and he cleared his throat, opening both eyes. “Ray and Luke kept at it but he must’ve had more guys in the club cuz they got wrenched apart. Nat and I grabbed you before anything else happened and got you into her truck. Ray, Frank and Mikey followed us. I brought you here since it was closer than your apartment.”

“Oh,” her brow furrowed. “I bet Mikey was mad he didn’t know about his place.”

“He was a little miffed,” Gee admitted with a soft chuckle. “Expect a call from him tomorrow complaining about favoritism.”

She laughed, curling up gingerly beside him. “I’ll try and explain that I love you both in your own ways.”

“You just love me for my body,” Gee pretended to be offended. “I’m not your love slave, Dom!”

She giggled and pushed him gently. “Stop it.”

“Now I’m offended.”

“Gee, stop.”

He kissed the tip of her nose and wrapped his arm around her. “Sorry. But seriously, have you tried to talk to Mikey lately?”

She frowned and groaned, “So we have to get into this now?”

“So you haven’t.”

Dom remained silent for a moment. She hadn’t spoken to Mikey since their tiff during practice. She swallowed hard and pushed her hair from her face, frowning at the slight pain in the back of her head. She must’ve hit it when she fell. Her arms erupted with chill bumps and she tried to ignore the guilt gnawing at her insides. She hated feeling guilty. She hated hurting the two men she loved the most.

“I tried, Gee. I keep trying but every time I open my mouth he just—God I can’t even explain it,” she sighed. “I can’t hurt him like that.”

Gerard sat up and leaned over her, “By laying here with me, you already are.”

“So are you,” she reminded him. “It’s not all my fault.”

His face fell and he sank back onto the mattress, his features grim. Dom turned her head to look at him, her eyes tracing over his profile. He was so beautiful. She reached her hand out, tracing the line of his forehead, over his nose and lips. Not even Mikey was as picturesque. She wanted to draw him over and over again.

“What is it about you, Gee?” she whispered, her fingers moving gently over his chin and down his neck. “What is it about you that I’m so addicted to?”

He smiled and turned to her, wrapping his arm around her middle and pulling her body against his. Her fingers returned to his face, smoothing his eyebrows before drifting down his nose. She pulled her hand away to rest it on his shoulder and stared into his eyes.

“I don’t know. You tell me.”

Dom bit her lip and shrugged a shoulder, making him laugh. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, his hand lingering on her face. He leaned toward her but she stopped him and shook her head.

“If you kiss me, we’re going to start something I can’t finish,” she gingerly patted her middle. “My whole body is in pain right now.”

“Okay,” he pulled back but kept his arms tightly around her and the room fell into silence. Dom closed her eyes, enjoying the comfortable quiet. She let her thoughts wander, remembering her dream. She thanked the higher ups for waking her up, that night with Luke had been the worst of her life. She never wanted to go down that road again. A shiver wracked her body at the memory of his hands on her.

“You okay?” he muttered.

“Fine, just trying to forget that fucking memory.”

“Which one?”

“The one I woke up from,” she replied flatly. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You never want to talk about anything.”

“Don’t start,” Dom shot him a warning glare but he obviously had other plans. Sitting up on his elbow he stared down at her, his expression hard.

“Why not? Why don’t you just own up to your actions and take responsibility? Dom, face you fears. Please.”

She opened her mouth to respond but he kept going.

“Have you even spent more than five seconds alone with Mikey since we got here?”

She closed her mouth at once. She hadn’t. She never gave him the chance. God, she was so stupid. After all these years she’d never even given him the chance to get close to her. Not even after he poured his soul out to her. All she did was run away. Tears welled in her eyes and she sat up, ignoring the roaring pain in her middle. She sniffed, trying to wipe the wetness away but her guilt caught up to her. She had to talk to him. She had to give him a chance, even if it ended in him walking away. She had to tell him everything.

“God, I’m such a coward,” she sobbed into her knees. “Fuck.”

Gerard sat up beside her, his hand rubbing comforting circles on her back. She tried to shrug him off but he wouldn’t let her, coaxing the bottled up emotions to the surface.

“I’m not going anywhere Dom, so stop trying to get rid of me,” he whispered, pressing his lips to her shoulder. “We’ve been through too much.”

“What if he still loves me?” she sniffed. “God, I’m such a jerk. Gee, what if I love him too?”

She felt the older Way stiffen beside her and her heart froze. She’d never told anyone what Mikey had told her. She just thought the guys knew. Most of all Gerard. The tears streamed harder down her cheeks and she moved to get out of bed but he stopped her.

“I know how he feels, Dom. It’s so obvious every time he looks at you. But I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you again,” he said, looking her square in the eyes. “Don’t do that to us again. It nearly killed us once. Don’t do it again.”

“I can’t promise you anything.” She wiped at her eyes with the heel of her hand. “I’ll call him in the morning. I have to try again.”