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Awake and Unafraid

Chapter 1 They'll Paint the Lockers With Your Brains

Chapter 1

They’ll Paint the Lockers with Your Brains

May 2001

Belleville, New Jersey


When will this nightmare end? I thought to myself as I sat in the back of the classroom waiting for the bell to ring signaling the end of the day on Friday.

Only one more week of the school year left and I will graduate at the ripe age of fifteen. I know that sounds young, but I skipped a few grades and took night classes. I wanted to get it done as quickly as possible. I was lucky, where as my brother, Frank wasn’t so lucky. He had to go until he was eighteen. Frank is four year older than me and he is my only brother. We were both born on Halloween four years apart. I will be turning sixteen this year and Frank will be twenty.

I drummed my pencil on my desk and watched the clock…come on go faster…I kept thinking.

There were a couple of popular girls in front of me that kept looking back at me and snickering and saying things under their breath. Stuff like bitch, lesbian, elf, I bet she has sex with her brother, or she’s a virgin, freak, emo, and the list goes on and on.

If I had a nickel for every time someone called me emo…I would be one rich bitch.

I tried not to listen to their bull shit. They thought I was elf and a freak because I was only five feet tall, I have long black hair that I wear straight and parted extremely on the side and I wear black eye makeup, along with band tee shirts, skinny jeans, and converse shoes. I guess my look was different from all of them. I am pale white and really small for someone my age. I am skinny, but not bony…I think I’m healthy. I have hazel eyes just like my brother; in fact you could say we were close to looking like twins. I’m sure he hated that fact, but he never said it. I was also a quiet and shy person around them and never talked to them unless I got sick of being called names. Today I just ignored them. Just one more week…When I’m not at school I’m an outgoing, rebellious, and an artistic person.

The bell rung…I rose up quickly and walked to my locker that was located down the main hallway. I opened it and placed my books inside and was pushed violently into my locker and the door was closed behind me. I didn’t see who it was that did it, but I knew.

“Let me the fuck out of here, Troy!” I cried with intensity through the vents. No one was there now. Dammit!

All I heard was laughter and the sound of shoes clanking against the hard floor walking away.

I slammed my tiny balled up fists against the locker door crying out for help from…really…anyone, but no one came, “Somebody, please let me out!”

I kept this up for what seemed like forever and I conceded to the masses and gave up.

I was trapped in a small area and I couldn’t breathe.

Anxiety and panic set in and caused my breathing to become shallow…where was a paper bag when I needed it most?

“Please, somebody…please…let…me…out…of…here…” the seconds ticked away in an agony that was quickly growing into panic. Then a familiar voice rang out in the hallway.

“Tristan, is that you?” Oh could it be?

I looked through the vent and I saw beautiful hazel eyes and short black hair. Yes it could.

“Yes I’m in here,” I replied weakly.

“Fuck, who did this to you?” Gerard spoke through gritted teeth while trying to open the locker door.

“Troy…I hate him….” I answered trying to breathe evenly and act like I was ok.

“That fucking guy…what does he have against you? Seriously…I was worried…I waited in the car for over an hour, I thought maybe you left,” my dad was out of town and I was staying with the Ways like I always do, “But I came in looking for you anyway…are you ok?” Gerard asked, concern lacing his tone.

“I’m fine,” I lied, “and you know what, I really have no idea why Troy hates me…his girlfriend does too…I mean he is friends with my ex boyfriend, Jared, but that ended like three months ago,” I explained while trying to collect my thoughts about Jared and his huge fucking ego.

“I hated Jared.” Gerard breathed, “What is the combination to this fucking lock?” Gerard asked, frustration saturating every syllable.

“Um…13…9…27…” I could hear him trying to put in the combination. I heard it click and he opened the door. He reached for my hand and I took his. He helped me out of the locker and I was finally relieved of the growing panic what had been building inside me.

“Thank you,” I halfheartedly smiled and reached out to give him a quick hug…he is so great.

“What are friends for, sugar?” Gerard replied. He was visibly calmer as he and closed my locker. It was never a good idea to make him angry. I have really never seen him angry, least not with me, but something told me that it was just a bad fucking idea. I didn’t want to break that barrier. He has a dark side that no one knew. I knew it was there, but I don’t know how deep it runs. I didn’t want to explore that part of Gerard just yet.

We then walked together down the long hallway to the main door and outside.

“Just one more week…and I’ll be free…” I said out loud not thinking that Gerard could hear me.

Gerard looked at me with a smirk on his face, “Yes, just one more week…and you will be free…”
He giggled and I shoved him playfully. This was the way we always were. Just light hearted and friends since the day I could talk. He was my best friend; it was as simple as that. No one would ever hold a torch to this man and I knew that. He had a hold over me that I couldn’t even explain, but I never wanted that feeling to go away.

Gerard’s silver Subaru was waiting for us outside. On the ride to my house, we jammed to music and let the day’s worries wash from my mind.

Gerard is eight years older than me; making him twenty-four years old and I have known him my entire life. His mother, Donna, has baby sat me since I was born and I lived down the street from him too. He has a brother, Mikey, that is three years younger than Gerard, making him twenty-one years old. I loved them both very much. They were my second family. I do have feelings for Gerard, how deep they are, I have no idea. I don’t know if I will ever tell him how I really feel about him. With our age difference and our life situations, it doesn’t seem like the best plan. He doesn’t know how I feel about him. Time will tell, I guess. Gerard was dating a dreadful girl named Kat and I hated her and she couldn’t stand me. She didn’t treat him as well as he should be treated. He treated her like a princess and it made me sick to see the two of them together. Most days all she does is pick on him and cause fights. I try to ignore her when I can.

My dad was gonna be out of town on business for the next week or so, so I was staying at the Way house, in the basement with Gerard. I always slept on the couch in his room when I stayed over. He never complained and we always had a great time. Best friends since I was a baby. I know that sounds funny, but it’s true. We know each other inside and out; secrets, obsessions, crushes, dreams, and hopes for the future.

My parents were divorced when Frank and I were little. Frank and I lived with our father, and sometimes we stayed at our mom’s, but we preferred dad’s. I couldn’t let my father live by himself. Frank and I stayed permanently with him. We were both in and out all the time, but he loved having us there. The reason I was staying at the Way house was because my father thought I needed some kind of supervision when he wasn’t there and Frank wasn’t always around. Nor was he the best influence, but I would never rat him out like that. He was the best brother I could ever hope for and I was close with him.

Frank was in a band, Pencey Prep, and he played guitar and sang lead vocals. I was told I could fill in when somebody couldn’t make it, but that hasn’t happened yet. I have my fingers crossed. I play the drums, bass, acoustic guitar, electric guitar, and the piano. Music is a big part of my life and I wished I could be in a band since I was young. I start college this fall only because my father thinks I need to do something with my life instead of music. He says I need to keep my head out of the clouds and think about my future, so being a good daughter, I said I would go to college.

“Hurry up in there…I need to get home…I have a deadline to make…” Gerard grunted as I hopped out of the car and ran into my house. Gerard drew for various corporations like the Cartoon Network after he graduated from Art School a couple years ago. I loved watching him draw and he has a ton of pictures he has drawn over the years of me. We keep them in a scrap book at his house. I hope someday he will be published and be proud of the work he is doing. I can only hope, I guess.

I rushed up the stairs, taking them two at a time and burst into my bedroom. I look around the mess that was my room and grabbed my black suitcase and I tossed my clothes, toiletries, and my laptop into it. I also grabbed my acoustic guitar and put it in its case. I raced back down the stairs in the same fashion, locking the door behind me. I tossed my stuff in the back seat and got into the passenger seat.

“New world record!” Gerard grinned his sideways smile, while raising his hand to high five me. I oblige him, flushing as I do it.

“I know right!” I exclaimed trying to hide my blushing cheeks. How could he have that kind of effect on me? I sigh inwardly, I loved being around him.

“So what is on the agenda for tonight?” Gerard asked as he pulled out my driveway and drove down the street toward his house.

“Well I have some finals I need to finish and then we can do whatever you want…” I pause and decide to ask the dreaded question “is Kat coming over?” I asked trying not to act annoyed.

“Not till tomorrow, she is going out with the girls or some crap…” he breathed, “so we have the night to do what ever…I was thinking when I finish my work and you finish your homework we could watch some scary movies…how does that sound?” Gerard asked bemused.

“Sounds epic!” I cry almost too dramatically, “Is Mikey gonna be home tonight?” I asked trying to contain my excitement as we pulled into the driveway behind Donna’s car.

“I think so, but who knows,” Gerard shrugged as he got out of the car and grabbed my suitcase.

I grabbed my guitar case and we went to the side of the house and down the stairs to the basement. I put my guitar down next to Gerard’s desk and he put my suitcase near the couch.

“Is that you and Tristan, Gerard?!” Donna yelled from the top of the stairs at the end of the hall.

“Yea mom it’s us!” Gerard yelled back sounding annoyed. He looked annoyed; tension was in his body language. What the hell was that about? I thought to myself.

“Be nice to your mom, she’s awesome…” I finally spoke in a hushed voice so Donna wouldn’t hear me. I then turned from him and made my way to the stairs to the kitchen.

“I am nice to my mom,” he protested following after me.

“Oh good I was worried when you didn’t come home an hour ago!” Donna continued to yell down the stairs.

“That was my fault, Mrs. Way…” I started as I went up the stairs toward her.

“Darlin, how many times do I have to say don’t call me Mrs. Way…that makes me sound like Donald’s mother and I am not that old, yet…you know that I hate it…I have been telling you that since you were five,” Donna said as she hugged me hello. I hugged her back, grateful to have her in my life.

“Sorry, Donna, I forgot,” I said as I sat down at the table in the kitchen. She had me a sweet tea made and a sandwich. Gosh, I love her. She always made sure I ate something every time I was there. I was starving, I hadn’t eaten all day and I guess she knew that.

“Why were you guys late?” Donna asked as she sat across from me and sipped on her coffee.
Gerard stalked in, sat next to me, and drank some coffee while I ate.

“I was pushed into my locker again,” I didn’t meet her eyes as I spoke. I didn’t want to tell her, but I couldn’t lie to this woman.

“Oh honey, how did you get out this time?” she asked with concern in her voice just like a mother.

“I found her in her locker when I went looking for her after an hour of waiting in the car,” Gerard rolled his eyes and nudged me. Oh you wanna play this game, Mr. Way?

“It’s not my fault that Troy hates me,” I said with a mouth full of food, totally unaware of my actions as they took place.

“Ew gross, Tristan, don’t talk while you are chewing,” Gerard covered my mouth with his hand and waited for me to finish my bite. I smiled, flushed, and chewed slowly making him laugh.

It was a little before two as we sat there just chatting about our week. School had been just a half of a day today for some weird I don’t care reason. It was a miracle. I couldn’t stand being in that school anymore with all those fake ass people. Freedom is so close I can taste it. I wonder what it tastes like…The thought hits me and I guess that it just tastes sweet. I smile at myself for a second like a lunatic and then shake it off and continue eating my sandwich.

“What are you two planning for tonight? Or is Kat coming over?” Donna asked grabbing my empty plate and glass as she got up from the table. Her tone was a bit annoyed and I caught the hint of disdain in her question. I have to suppress a laugh as I ponder what she hates about Kat.

“No, Kat isn’t coming over…Tristan and I have some work to do, then we are gonna have a scary movie marathon…” Gerard answered not noticing how his mother had hid her disgust for his girlfriend. Could he be anymore dense?

“Yea I have some finals to finish and Gerard has a picture to draw…” I giggled and Gerard shot me an evil look. I stop giggling when his eyes flash with anger. I didn’t mean to make fun of him. Damn calm down killer. I tried to act like I wasn’t paying attention to him.

“Sounds interesting…” Donna is pleased with our plans, “we are gonna have homemade pizza tonight…” Donna said while washing the dishes.

“Yum,” I said trying to hide my excitement. I love her homemade pizza. I then got up from the table at the same time as Gerard. He was now sulking because of my giggle earlier.

“Thank you for the sandwich,” I make my way down the stairs ahead of Gerard.

“You’re very welcome sweetheart,” Donna yelled from the kitchen, I could tell she was smiling as she spoke.

Gerard and I went back to his room in the basement and started our work. I took out my laptop and began my homework while I sat on his bed. Gerard was at his desk drawing away and every once in a while I would see him look at me out of the corner of my eye. I wonder why he keeps doing that…I kept thinking to myself. We sat in silence for over an hour and half with the softest of music playing in the background of the room, before Gerard broke the silence.

“What are you working on, that you look like your head might explode?” Gerard asked laughing at me. I thought he was mad at me…

“My last history paper ever…and yes I think my head is on the verge of an explosion,” I answered him meeting his perfect hazel eyes and smiling the best I could.

“You do realize you aren’t done with school?” Gerard asked seriously, that look from earlier is back.

“Well of course I have thought of college, but I am happy to be leaving such ignorant people. Kids are cruel fuckers. And I won’t be shoved into lockers in college if you think about it,” I answered him truthfully. I tried not to meet his intense gaze, but was defeated. I sighed, “Let’s put it this way, if you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, you can find out firsthand what it’s like to be me…”

“I felt the same way in high school, hell in life. I understand, I was treated the same way and Frank and Mikey were too…I’m sorry you had to grow up like that. I’m sure we all are…in some ways I wish we were closer in age, so I would have been there with you,” Gerard sounded concerned for me. The angry look had vanished, not what was replacing it was a look of pure sadness. I hope that wasn’t for me.

“It’s not your fault and you were my knight in shining armor today and I thank you for that,” I smiled at him. He has no idea how much he means to me.

“I’ll always be there if you need me no matter what,” Gerard breathed and I knew what he was saying was the truth. He would always be there. My heart skipped a beat.

“And I will always be there for you,” I nearly whispered. I felt like there was a genuine hold on the both of us and that we would always be there for each other no matter what happened in the future.

It was a sweet moment that we just let linger in the air until a screeching came from the outside door of the basement. And when I say screeching I mean Kat was here and I wanted to take out a gun and shoot her point blank in the face. I know that sounds harsh, but just wait till you see what she does next.

“GERARD! WHY IS THIS FUCKING DOOR LOCKED?!” Kat screamed as she pounded on the door like a banshee from hell. I giggle at the thought of Kat in hell. A smile appears on my face.

“I thought you said she wasn’t gonna be here tonight?” I scoff as I watched him jump out of his skin and race toward the door. What the hell kind of hold does she have on him? Ugh I fucking hate her so fucking much. I wish I could disappear right now and not have to see her witch like face.

“Hush!” oh there it is again; that evil look. Stop looking at me like that! “And she wasn’t supposed to be here tonight…” He whispered in a hushed yet furious tone, to me as he opens the door.

I rolled my eyes and just kept working on my homework. I hope she doesn’t speak to me, because I won’t be able to be nice. It’s not my fault if she says anything to me, I thought as I continued writing my last history paper.

“Sorry, babe…habit…” Gerard lied as he opened the door and in walked a slutty tall blond woman. Vomit just came into my mouth. He tried to kiss her, but she brushed him off like he was garbage. Bitch if you don’t want him, I will totally take him off your skanky hands. I shudder in anger.

“Whatever, you just wanted me to wait on you or hide something from me,” She said as her eyes darted around the room until they fell on me. “Eke what is she doing here?” She asked him in a snotty tone. Bitch I was here first! I can’t hide my disdain for this woman and I try.

“Her dad is out of town and she is staying the week with us,” Gerard answered trying to sound nice, but I could tell he was embarrassed by her attitude and the fact that he was just brushed off. You don’t have to explain yourself to that. My mouth gapes as I eye him with a look of disgust.

“You can’t be serious? She can’t stay in here with you…she may try to seduce you…” Kat said acting like a bitch. I knew it, I’m gonna have to come unglued on this bitch beast.

“I’m fifteen and I’m not a slut like some people I know,” I let slip from my lips. I told you I couldn’t hold it in. Not my fucking fault.

Gerard’s face went into shock and Kat was dumbfounded by my statement. I look at him like I’m saying: I was provoked.

“If you are referring to me as a slut, little girl, you have another thing coming,” Kat spat back at me. Don’t you dare call me a little girl, you whore! I wanted to tear her eyes out.

“Like what? A High School Diploma?” I asked with a smile on my face. I was provoked. He is going to kill me. Gerard was shooting daggers with his eyes at me. I try to hide my amusement.

“Why you little bitch!” Kat screamed and lunged at me, but Gerard caught her. What were you gonna do? Fight me? Bitch please, I smirk.

“You two stop it!” Gerard cried, trying to contain his anger.

“You need to put a leash on that bitch!” I laughed. I am now provoking her. He is defiantly gonna kill me. Oh well it was so worth it.

“I’m gonna fucking kill her if she says one more thing,” Kat tried to calm down but I was on a roll. I wanted nothing more than to make her squirm and it was working splendidly.

“Fuck you need to take a chill pill…” I laughed. Kat lunged at me again and again Gerard stepped between us. I was just asking for it now. I couldn’t keep this up long before Gerard would be so pissed off he would cross that line from my friend to someone I don’t know.

“Seriously, Tristan, please stop,” Gerard pleaded with me as anger drenched his words.

“Fine, I’m done,” I answered knowing I had hit that wall. I stopped trying to provoke the banshee.

Kat and Gerard went outside for a few minutes and I could tell they were fighting. I hated that bitch and I couldn’t wait till it’s over between them. Why can’t you see what’s in front of your face? I rolled my eyes at myself, knowing full well he would never go for me…ever.

Gerard came back in with a red face and went back to his desk. I knew not to say anything, but I did anyway.

“What did she want?” I asked in a near whisper.

“Nothing, Tristan, just do your work and leave me alone…” He was pissed and I could tell, but he didn’t have to take it out on me. He was seething. I was some of the cause, but I wasn’t going to take him treating me like that.

I was so pissed that I put my shoes on, grabbed my laptop, and slammed the door as I walked outside. I walked up the stairs to the yard, turned toward the back yard where I found the picnic table and set up shop to finish my paper.

Why could he piss me off so easily? How was that possible? I wondered in my mind for an answer, but came up empty.

When five thirty rolled around I was finished with all my work and I was playing a computer game when I saw Gerard emerge from the side of the house. He didn’t look angry any more, but I was still rather irked with him. He took a seat in front of me and stared at me with his hazel eyes. I didn’t move or even acknowledge he was even in my presence. Childish, I know. I give you fair warning now…I do act like a child on occasion.

“Tristan…” Gerard breathed, trying to get my attention. He was not amused by my lack of response.

I didn’t respond, being a big baby, I know.

“Tristan, seriously…don’t ignore me…” Gerard started to sound annoyed with me. I knew I couldn't keep up this facade.

“What? I thought you wanted me to leave you alone?” I asked through gritted teeth. I wanted him to know I was mad at him.

“I wasn’t mad at you…Kat is just…I don’t know,” Gerard started to try to explain, but I finished his sentence.

“A fucking bitch,” I finished his statement, perhaps not the way he had intended. I giggled a bit.

“Tristan…” Gerard tried to hide his smile, but was to no avail.

“What? She is…I can’t stand her…I’m sorry…I know you guys are all whatever about each other, but she can piss me off if I just think about her…” I replied watching his face. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I needed to tell him how I felt about her. He is too good for her, I thought.

“I’m sorry she’s that way toward you, but you can’t do what you did earlier again or else she isn’t gonna let us hang out anymore…” Gerard said. Um excuse me, but I do believe I was here first. I wanted to scream at him.

“Let us hang out? You’ve got to be shitting me? We’ve known each other since I was in diapers…she can’t fuck with that…” I questioned him, trying not to blow a gasket. He could tell it hurt me when he told me that.

“I know its lame, but I really like her and I don’t want to fuck it up,” Gerard explained. How could you like that? What the hell, I thought you were better than that?

“Fine, I will try to be nice, but if she starts with me, I can’t promise I will be able to keep my mouth shut,” I replied truthfully. I said it before and I’ll say it again, if I’m provoked I will beat a bitch in the face with a baseball bat.

“Oh I know about your smart mouth, it’s fucking dangerous,” Gerard laughed, not hiding his concern. What? What the hell was that? What are you thinking?

“Seriously though, why did she show up today?” I was curious…she was checking up on him…I just know it. Stupid, overbearing, jealous bitch can’t trust you.

“I really don’t know, she just does that sometimes and then she leaves,” Gerard tried to make it sound like he didn’t know why she popped up.

“She was checking in on you…” I announced. I am correct, I just know it. Call it a woman’s intuition.

“Why would she do that?” Gerard asked looking confused.

“Um…maybe because she’s a jealous bitch and doesn’t trust you…I mean seriously…she accused me of maybe trying to seduce you…she’s got problems,” I explained, but secretly I wanted him so bad I could taste it. I tried to kick that thought away. Stop that!

“Maybe you are right…I don’t know…” Gerard said still thinking.

“I know I’m right…” I smiled, trying to liven up the mood.

“Smartass,” Gerard said simply.

We both went inside after our talk and I helped Donna with the pizza while Gerard went out to get some things from the store.

“I'm going to pop the pizza in the oven." Donna spoke as I turned to clean up the mess I had just made while helping prepare the pizza.

“Have you tried Gerard again?” I asked Mikey as he walked back into the kitchen, his glasses half way down his nose and his hair cut short. I went on cleaning.

"Still no answer," Mikey reported disconnecting. Where the hell did he go? What is taking him so long?

“Maybe my cell is dead. I haven’t charged it in a couple days,” I replied. I had let Gerard take my cell phone just in case he needed it and we had been trying to call him for the last twenty minutes. Weird for him to be gone so long, I sigh and continue cleaning.

"Well he's going to have cold pizza when he gets here." Donna said with a sigh. She stopped at the refrigerator to take out the pizza while l go out the back door.

Once outside I took a deep breath and smiled. The pathway that led around the house was stone and I quickly found myself rounding the house. I stopped in my tracks when I saw Gerard standing at the front door. He hadn't seen or heard me; he simply was staring at the door. I took a deep breath then silently glided up behind him.

"Your mom is beginning to worry, in fact we all were, and did my cell die?" I asked, trying to see his face.

Gerard was startled by my voice and spun around.

I smiled, "I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you."

He forced himself to speak, "Sorry I'm late. Your phone died." Got that Sherlock.

“I’m glad you made it back…sorry about my phone…the pizza is nearly done and your mom is freaking out,” I chimed in. Why do you look weird?

The New Jersey sky was dark and the stars were hidden behind clouds.

He nodded, "Good, I'm hungry." He tried to make his voice sound normal. Why is he acting so damn weird?

I moved up the first step so that he was two steps above me now. "I am hungry also." What game were we playing now?

Gerard couldn't stop staring at me. What the hell are you staring at?

"Gerard, I think we should go through the back," I spoke and he looked at me strangely. What is eating him?

“What?” Gerard asked.

“I went through the back door. It’s unlocked." I explained while I tried to figure out what was up with him.

"Oh." He relaxed slightly, "Yeah, sure." He took a step down but I didn't move. I stood a moment then backed down. I knew he was following closely behind.

We reached the back patio and saw Donna through the sliding glass doors in the kitchen. "She's gonna be pissed I'm late." He muttered.

"She’ll get over it," I said softly. She’ll be fine. Why would you care you were late?
I moved past him and put my hand on the door latch, but before sliding it Gerard touched my other hand and I turned around to face him.

“What’s wrong?” I asked him, but I didn’t let him let go of my hand. He’s holding my hand…I gaped at him, but he didn’t move to release my hand. I loved how his hand felt against mine.

Gerard continued to hold my hand and I could tell he wanted to say something, but he just shook his head and said, “Nothing, I’m fine…let’s go eat.”

He let go of my hand and we went inside to eat. Why?

We sat down with Mikey and Donna.

“Tristan would you like something else?” Donna asked after noticing that I had devoured my pizza slices. She made the best everything this side of the country. I was so full.

“Donna, this is the best pizza I believe you have ever made and I am stuffed! So no thank you I’m great,” I answered with a smile. God I love this woman!

“It is good, Ma,” Mikey said reaching for his third piece. For such a skinny guy, he sure could eat. I giggled to myself.

“Yea, Ma, it’s great,” Gerard said while finishing his second piece. He was spacey the whole time we were eating. What was the hand holding thing all about? Not that I’m complaining, but seriously…what the hell?

“Tristan did help, boys,” Donna was trying to give me credit for nothing. I ate a lot of the toppings.

“I mainly ate the toppings as I put them on the pizza, believe me all the credit should go to your momma,” I laughed at myself.

After dinner I volunteered to clean up and do the dishes, while Gerard waited impatiently for me to finish. He kept sighing and watching me as I cleaned up.

“Um you know this would be faster if I had help,” I sighed as he eyed me.

“You got this. See look you’re finished. Ok movie time!” Gerard exclaimed as I finished washing the dishes from dinner. I rolled my eyes at him and he didn’t notice.

“What movie do you have in mind?” I asked while drying my hands. I bet he doesn’t know.

“I don’t know, maybe old school Halloween?” He asked. See, what did I say?

“Love that one,” I said as I skipped down the stairs with Gerard in front of me. He just gets better looking with age I thought to myself.

I crashed onto the couch, pulled my shoes off, and I readied myself for a great scary movie. Which we have seen a million times, but hey it’s whatever.

Gerard sat right next to me and we were touching which was sending electricity through my body. I wonder if he was doing this on purpose. Do you know what you do to me? Huh? Do you? I tried to concentrate on the movie and not the feelings that were building inside me.

We screamed and jumped together as the movie went on even though we had seen it a million times together. It still had an effect on us, which was fun.

During the last part of the movie I had my head laid on Gerard’s shoulder and he didn’t move.
I laid my hand between us and he inched his way into holding my hand. I was shocked, but I didn’t protest. You are holding my hand again! What gives? Huh? We stayed like this for a while. After the first movie ended he changed it to another one and he came back and he held my hand again. This went on for the next couple of hours and around midnight I was zonked out.

I awoke, but acted like I was still out when Gerard moved from the couch. See I’m still asleep. Gerard got up and laid me down on the couch and put a pillow under my head then he placed a blanket over my body. He gently kissed my forehead, I flushed. I hope he didn’t see that. Then he would know I was awake. He then turned off the light and he went to his bed.

What a day? What a weird, great, fucking terrible day? I gushed for a minute, then finally found sleep.


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