Why the fuck am I being such a bitch?!

Dear, god.

Once the neighbors left I scurried to my room and locked the door.

I have to stop being such a whinny bitch.

“Frankie, honey? Are you okay, baby?” Gerard asked

“M’fine! Just a bit…tired” I mumbled.

“..Can I come in?”

Fuck no

I don’t want Gerard to notice how much my bipolar-ness scares me.

“I uhm…okay?”

I walked to the door and unlocked it.

“Baby? You okay?” he asked me

“I yeah I’m fine! Why do you ask?”

“Yu seem a little weird.” He answered.

He sat down next to me on my bed and wrapped his arm around my waist.

“I’m fine, ‘Rard.”

“Was it because of that girl? Are you still upset because of that?”

Yes “No.”

“Are you sure? I mean, there’s nothing to worry about! You know I love you more than anything and I would never risk our relationship for anything” he said.

No, Gerard. I don’t know. “Yeah”

“Frankie, baby, don’t get upset, Hun. I love you and I don’t want to see you like this.”

See? He loves me! There’s no reason to get upset!

Still I felt uneasy.

As embarrassing as it might be to admit it I was jealous, insecure and bipolar

Though, I was much more jealous than anything.

The moment I saw (Jackass) Jackie drooling over Gerard (My Gerard) I felt like stabbing her.

I was jealous and extremely insecure.

Jackie –as much as I hated to admit it- was pretty. Not a supermodel but certainly prettier than me. And there was really no actual reason for Gerard not to pounce on her and leave me.

She was better, and I was willing to bet she (and any other fertile) could make Gerard happier than I could.

“Frankie?” I realized I had been quiet this whole time.

“Hum? Yeah, ‘Rard I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

“…I love you.” He murmured.

And that was all I needed to hear.

It didn’t put my jealousy or insecurity or bitchiness to rest.

But it made me feel better none the less. Even if I felt guilty afterwards for not being able to say that I loved him back.

“I’m tired. I’m going to take a shower…you should go rest, too” I said.

“Yeah…if you need anything –anything at a- please don’t hesitate to call me.” Was his reply.

Again I felt guilty. He was so good to me. So caring and so perfect.
And I was…me.

Jealous, boring, bitchy me.

“Yeah.” I answered.

He hugged me and kissed me, whispering one last ‘I love you’ before leaving shutting the door behind him.

I trudged to the bathroom –which was connected to my bedroom- and started the shower.

Once I was done I pulled on some clean clothes (apparently JR. had called the housekeepers and fixed everything) and got in to bed.

I turned to the side and noticed that my backpack was here.

I pulled it into my lap and opened it.

I pulled out my books, my hoodie and at the very bottom was my cell phone.

I hadn’t even turned it on since before my date with Gerard.

I turned it on and noticed that I had a message

From my mother.

It said she sent it the night I went out with Gerard.

I opened it:

From: Mother
Franklin, I texted to remind you that you’re a useless piece of shit.
Now I’m going to give you some advice and tell you to not fall in love. It’s pathetic and you’ll only end up making a fool of yourself. Dom’s are horrible and only want to fuck with you. Literally
But you probably don’t have to worry about that! I mean, who would love you?! You’re ugly, moody and antisocial!
-With hate, mother.

And this reminds me why I hated her so much.

I can’t believe those where her last words.

She’s right; why would anyone love me?

Nobody could ever love me.

I cried a little and ended up falling asleep.

Having nightmares in which Gerard left me for some bimbo chick who was much prettier than me.

Notes

So there you have chapter 23!!!!

i would have posted this earlier but uh, my cat just, uhm, gave birth. Awkward.

anyway! yeah! leave a nice comment or rate or subscribe! yeah!!!

Title from Pink Floids 'The Trial'