Homeless
Chapter 4
After Lindsey put Bandit back in bed, she walked to the kitchen where the only light on in the apartment shone through the doorway. The coffee maker gurgled. Gerard was sitting in the corner, legs pulled up to his chest, forehead resting on his knees. Lindsey stood there for a moment, watching her husband in the incredibly vulnerable position he was in. After a while, she sat next to him, hugging her legs in the same way Gerard did.
“…Gee?” she whispered. Gerard did not move. Lindsey put her head between her knees and stared at the wooden floor.
Gerard was drowning in anguish. What had he done to his daughter? How could he have hurt her? All this time he had tried so hard to protect her. Teardrops landed on the floor. He wanted a drink. He needed a drink. No. He didn’t want to hurt Bandit anymore. No matter what, he would never pick up a bottle of alcohol again. Never again. As he vowed to never drink again, he heard sobbing next to him. He picked his head up to find Lindsey sitting beside him, face hidden, but shuddering every time she breathed inward. Gerard was stunned at himself. He was so immersed in thought; he had never even realized that she had entered the room. Gerard forced himself to kneel in front of her, his vision still blurry, his head now throbbing. Lindsay didn’t look up. Gerard could stand this. He couldn’t stand hurting the only thing he absolutely loved: his family.
“Lindsey?” Gerard said quietly, unsure of what to do. He became frantic. What should he do? How could he ruin his family in just one morning? He buried his face in his hands, frustrated. All at once, Lindsey’s sobs stopped, Gerard lifted his head from his hands and found Lindsey kneeling, too. Her face was red and her eyes were filled with a confusing mixture of sorrow, fury, and sympathy. Gerard’s eyes were just as red from the alcohol and tears, but were more fragile, more pain-filled. Lindsey reached forward and took Gerard’s wrists, palms facing upwards.
“Why do you do this to yourself, Gerard?” Lindsey started. Gerard looked away, finding that Lindsey’s gaze was too powerful.
“Bandit loves you, you know that? She practically worships you. Every day, at around the hour you get home, she drops everything and waits by the door until you get home. She loves you so, so much, she forgave you for hurting her. She doesn’t understand drunkenness. She only believes in your real personality. She doesn’t know how alcohol changes you. Do you remember when Bandit was born? You just gave up alcohol just like that; you were so overjoyed and absorbed with the fact that you had a daughter, you just stopped. It was incredible. Bandit saved you. What would have happened if she hadn’t given you hope? She was like an angel to you. What happened? Doesn’t she make you happy anymore, Gerard?” Gerard was incredulous. He had not known Bandit had loved him so much. He was so scared, ever since she had been born, that he would not be enough, that he would fail her, but had not realized that she loved him just for being her father.
“I will stop drinking, Lindsey,” Gerard said, looking back at her, “I will provide for this family.” Lindsey let go of Gerard’s wrists and slowly wrapped her arms around Gerard’s neck and rested her head on his collar bone. They remained like that until the sun’s rays reached through the windows and touched the floors. The coffee maker became silent.
“I love you, Lindsey.”
“…Gee?” she whispered. Gerard did not move. Lindsey put her head between her knees and stared at the wooden floor.
Gerard was drowning in anguish. What had he done to his daughter? How could he have hurt her? All this time he had tried so hard to protect her. Teardrops landed on the floor. He wanted a drink. He needed a drink. No. He didn’t want to hurt Bandit anymore. No matter what, he would never pick up a bottle of alcohol again. Never again. As he vowed to never drink again, he heard sobbing next to him. He picked his head up to find Lindsey sitting beside him, face hidden, but shuddering every time she breathed inward. Gerard was stunned at himself. He was so immersed in thought; he had never even realized that she had entered the room. Gerard forced himself to kneel in front of her, his vision still blurry, his head now throbbing. Lindsay didn’t look up. Gerard could stand this. He couldn’t stand hurting the only thing he absolutely loved: his family.
“Lindsey?” Gerard said quietly, unsure of what to do. He became frantic. What should he do? How could he ruin his family in just one morning? He buried his face in his hands, frustrated. All at once, Lindsey’s sobs stopped, Gerard lifted his head from his hands and found Lindsey kneeling, too. Her face was red and her eyes were filled with a confusing mixture of sorrow, fury, and sympathy. Gerard’s eyes were just as red from the alcohol and tears, but were more fragile, more pain-filled. Lindsey reached forward and took Gerard’s wrists, palms facing upwards.
“Why do you do this to yourself, Gerard?” Lindsey started. Gerard looked away, finding that Lindsey’s gaze was too powerful.
“Bandit loves you, you know that? She practically worships you. Every day, at around the hour you get home, she drops everything and waits by the door until you get home. She loves you so, so much, she forgave you for hurting her. She doesn’t understand drunkenness. She only believes in your real personality. She doesn’t know how alcohol changes you. Do you remember when Bandit was born? You just gave up alcohol just like that; you were so overjoyed and absorbed with the fact that you had a daughter, you just stopped. It was incredible. Bandit saved you. What would have happened if she hadn’t given you hope? She was like an angel to you. What happened? Doesn’t she make you happy anymore, Gerard?” Gerard was incredulous. He had not known Bandit had loved him so much. He was so scared, ever since she had been born, that he would not be enough, that he would fail her, but had not realized that she loved him just for being her father.
“I will stop drinking, Lindsey,” Gerard said, looking back at her, “I will provide for this family.” Lindsey let go of Gerard’s wrists and slowly wrapped her arms around Gerard’s neck and rested her head on his collar bone. They remained like that until the sun’s rays reached through the windows and touched the floors. The coffee maker became silent.
“I love you, Lindsey.”
12/24/12