Blow Me A Kiss Before She Goes
Chapter 12
Gerard’s POV
I was sitting at my desk working on lyrics for a new song and Adam was leaning against my bed, sitting on the floor and doing his homework. This was how things were when I wasn’t working or busy with band practice. I liked it. It was comfortable and once we were bored, there were other ways to keep ourselves busy… I smiled at the thought and looked over at Adam.
“You’re staring,” he said with a smile of his own, not looking up from his books.
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.” He looked up and his blue eyes met mine.
“I’m writing lyrics.” I pretended to turn my attention back to the little notebook in front of me, but all my senses were focused on him.
“You’re a terrible liar,” he said.
“On that point you and Ivy agree.” I turned in my seat in order to face him.
“We actually agree on a lot of things. For instance, we both like you.”
I couldn’t help the smug smile on my face. It was always nice to hear that someone was into you even if you already knew it.
“I have something I want to ask you.”
“I’m already your boyfriend, you know?” I joked.
He chuckled quietly. “I know that and I’m very happy about that, but that’s not it.” His entire demeanor turned serious. I had no idea what it could possibly be right up until he asked the question. “Is there something going on between you and Frank?”
I frowned deeply at the question. Frank needed a brain to mouth filter or a fucking ass kicking. “No, why? What did he say?”
“Nothing exactly.” Adam looked like he regretted asking the question. “It’s just that the other night when I was at band practice, he and I talked.”
I nodded, remembering seeing the two of them in conversation, but I never imagined that Frank would be cruel enough to say something to Adam about our history. I hadn’t had the chance to tell him myself yet.
“It’s not so much what he said as the way he said it. He idolizes you, you know? Then there was the way he reacted when he found out we were dating. I don’t know. He kind of acted like a jealous boyfriend. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it and if I’m wrong, please ignore me.”
I shook my head. I probably couldn’t blame this on Frank. I should have told Adam sooner. “There is nothing going on between me and Frank. I promise you. I don’t know if you know about their little parties and the games they play. Well, Frank and I have had one or two encounters during the game seven minutes in heaven, but Frank has a girlfriend and I have you. We’re just friends, but I’ll talk to him.”
“I don’t want to make things awkward between you guys,” he hurriedly said.
“Don’t worry about it. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it sooner.”
“That’s okay. I believe you. Maybe if you spent more time talking about him like the way Ivy is always talking about you, then I would have worried. I only wanted to clarify it,” he explained, the seriousness gone from his face.
“Good. I’m glad you know now.” I was still going to talk to Frank though. He had no right to be jealous about this. He couldn’t complicate things simply because he felt territorial. My relationship with Adam was none of his business.
Frank’s POV
“Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? You could have given me a heads up or something. Do you have any idea how I felt when all of a sudden out of nowhere this new guy shows up and apparently he’s your boyfriend?” I understood that Gerard was mad, but I hadn’t done anything wrong. I didn’t say anything to Adam that I shouldn’t have. I wasn’t that stupid and it wasn’t like I hated Gerard.
“Yes, I guess it kind of felt the way I felt when Lisa showed up at the arcade that day.”
Fuck, we were back to that. Of course we were. I never thought revenge was his style. “Congratulations, you got your revenge. The taste of my own medicine is bitter,” I spat.
He sighed in aggravation. “I’m not that petty, Frank. None of this had anything to do with you. I didn’t tell you because I knew how you would react.” He stated. “And maybe, I don’t know, for some reason I thought you might be hurt.”
“Wow, you suck at sparing my feelings if that had been your intention.” I realized that I was acting like a brat, but I was in fact jealous and I couldn’t help it.
“Screw you.”
We were standing in my bedroom not making eye contact, each one of us stewing in his own anger. I wanted to punch Adam in the face every time I thought of him with Gerard, but of course I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t kick Gerard’s ass, because that would achieve absolutely nothing either. I wanted to be happy for him, but I just wasn’t feeling it.
“You need to let me go,” he practically begged, breaking the silence. “Because I’m trying to move on, but you won’t let me and it’s not fair.”
“I’m trying!” I snapped. “Do you think I want to feel this way? Do you think this is easy for me, because it’s not! You think this is a one sided thing and that you’re the only one stuck in this…situation.” I was frustrated. “I was there that night too and I liked you! I liked you a fucking lot. I remember waking up the morning after unable to wait to see you again. And yes, maybe I was wrong under the circumstances, but I didn’t ask for this. It’s hard, no, it’s fucking impossible, okay? I’m mad at myself and at you and pretty much everyone. Let’s blame my teenage hormones.” I mumbled that last part more to myself. “I want to be happy for you. I don’t want to be jealous of you and your new boyfriend, but unfortunately that’s just the way things are.” I threw my hands up in the air in defeat. I hated the fact that Gerard looked surprised by this.
“I love Lisa.” I said with conviction, meaning it more than anything in the world. Lavender was my favorite scent since I met her, because her hair was always soft and smelled of lavender. Then there were her beautiful blue eyes and her heart was the biggest of anyone I’ve ever met. She made me a better person, although admittedly I would never be good enough to actually deserve her and I realized that.
As could be expected, Gerard didn’t appreciate my statement. It was easy to tell from the way his mouth twisted and his eyes were very emotive.
“I’m telling you this so you understand that I’m not doing any of this to hurt you. That was never my intention. It’s not what I want.” I deserved a prize for all my honesty today. “I know that that’s unfortunately how things have turned out. Everything we’ve been doing… We keep hurting each other and I know that it’s mostly my fault and I’m sorry.”
His eyes never left mine for even one second and this was a relief. He was listening and he believed me.
“We need to be honest with each other. We have to tell each other these things if we have any chance at this friendship. I want to know if you get a boyfriend even if you’re scared about the way I would react.” I wanted this friendship to work and I was willing to roll with the punches in order for that to be the case. “It’s going to suck, but it’s necessary if we’re ever going to move on. I mean maybe if we share everything with one another each one of us will realize that the other is happy and then step back. We’d let go.”
“I hear what you’re saying and I get why you think the way you do, but maybe it would be better if we parted ways for a while,” he suggested instead.
My heart sank. That’s not what I wanted at all. “No!”
“Frank…”
“You just got a boyfriend. You can’t do this to me.” I hated the desperation in my own voice. He was already moving on and now he wanted to do so without me. Yes, I had to move on. Yes, things would be easier. But somehow I couldn’t picture my life without him.
“It’s the only way…” he started to say, but I shook my head.
“No. No way. Over my dead body.”
“Come on, Frank.” He was trying to reason with me, but I wouldn’t have any of it. If he wouldn’t do it for me then maybe someone else.
“You can’t let the band down. We have the gig this week and everyone’s counting on you. It wouldn’t be fair to let everyone else down simply because we can’t get over seven minutes in…” I was holding onto his upper arms and staring straight into his eyes and I gulped. “Heaven.”
We stood there staring at each other for a few moments before Gerard let out a small breath. “Frank…”
I looked away. He was about to break my heart and I couldn’t look at him while he was doing it. I didn’t have the courage and I was fighting hard against the sudden feeling of abandonment that washed over me like waves.
“I’ll do the show,” he finally said and my head shot up. “I’ll do the show and we’ll see how it goes.”
“Thank you.” It was all I could manage to get out, because my throat was completely constricted with emotion.
“Don’t thank me yet.” He stepped back from me and I could see that he still had every intention of running. “I’ll see you at band practice.”
“Gerard!” I called after him as he was about to leave the room.
He stopped and turned back to look at me, waiting for me to say what was on my mind.
“I always thought that if you and I had met under different circumstances or if we had never been shoved into that closet together that things would have been different, would have been easier. We would have been best friends.” I managed a small smile in his direction.
He chewed on the inside of his lower lip and his eyes narrowed slightly. “That’s where you’re wrong. It wouldn’t have changed anything.”
My smile faltered and Gerard disappeared out the door. He was right. It didn’t have anything to do with a stupid party game. I had noticed him the second he had stepped through the front door with Ivy. The damn game had simply been the catalyst.
I was sitting at my desk working on lyrics for a new song and Adam was leaning against my bed, sitting on the floor and doing his homework. This was how things were when I wasn’t working or busy with band practice. I liked it. It was comfortable and once we were bored, there were other ways to keep ourselves busy… I smiled at the thought and looked over at Adam.
“You’re staring,” he said with a smile of his own, not looking up from his books.
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.” He looked up and his blue eyes met mine.
“I’m writing lyrics.” I pretended to turn my attention back to the little notebook in front of me, but all my senses were focused on him.
“You’re a terrible liar,” he said.
“On that point you and Ivy agree.” I turned in my seat in order to face him.
“We actually agree on a lot of things. For instance, we both like you.”
I couldn’t help the smug smile on my face. It was always nice to hear that someone was into you even if you already knew it.
“I have something I want to ask you.”
“I’m already your boyfriend, you know?” I joked.
He chuckled quietly. “I know that and I’m very happy about that, but that’s not it.” His entire demeanor turned serious. I had no idea what it could possibly be right up until he asked the question. “Is there something going on between you and Frank?”
I frowned deeply at the question. Frank needed a brain to mouth filter or a fucking ass kicking. “No, why? What did he say?”
“Nothing exactly.” Adam looked like he regretted asking the question. “It’s just that the other night when I was at band practice, he and I talked.”
I nodded, remembering seeing the two of them in conversation, but I never imagined that Frank would be cruel enough to say something to Adam about our history. I hadn’t had the chance to tell him myself yet.
“It’s not so much what he said as the way he said it. He idolizes you, you know? Then there was the way he reacted when he found out we were dating. I don’t know. He kind of acted like a jealous boyfriend. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it and if I’m wrong, please ignore me.”
I shook my head. I probably couldn’t blame this on Frank. I should have told Adam sooner. “There is nothing going on between me and Frank. I promise you. I don’t know if you know about their little parties and the games they play. Well, Frank and I have had one or two encounters during the game seven minutes in heaven, but Frank has a girlfriend and I have you. We’re just friends, but I’ll talk to him.”
“I don’t want to make things awkward between you guys,” he hurriedly said.
“Don’t worry about it. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it sooner.”
“That’s okay. I believe you. Maybe if you spent more time talking about him like the way Ivy is always talking about you, then I would have worried. I only wanted to clarify it,” he explained, the seriousness gone from his face.
“Good. I’m glad you know now.” I was still going to talk to Frank though. He had no right to be jealous about this. He couldn’t complicate things simply because he felt territorial. My relationship with Adam was none of his business.
Frank’s POV
“Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? You could have given me a heads up or something. Do you have any idea how I felt when all of a sudden out of nowhere this new guy shows up and apparently he’s your boyfriend?” I understood that Gerard was mad, but I hadn’t done anything wrong. I didn’t say anything to Adam that I shouldn’t have. I wasn’t that stupid and it wasn’t like I hated Gerard.
“Yes, I guess it kind of felt the way I felt when Lisa showed up at the arcade that day.”
Fuck, we were back to that. Of course we were. I never thought revenge was his style. “Congratulations, you got your revenge. The taste of my own medicine is bitter,” I spat.
He sighed in aggravation. “I’m not that petty, Frank. None of this had anything to do with you. I didn’t tell you because I knew how you would react.” He stated. “And maybe, I don’t know, for some reason I thought you might be hurt.”
“Wow, you suck at sparing my feelings if that had been your intention.” I realized that I was acting like a brat, but I was in fact jealous and I couldn’t help it.
“Screw you.”
We were standing in my bedroom not making eye contact, each one of us stewing in his own anger. I wanted to punch Adam in the face every time I thought of him with Gerard, but of course I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t kick Gerard’s ass, because that would achieve absolutely nothing either. I wanted to be happy for him, but I just wasn’t feeling it.
“You need to let me go,” he practically begged, breaking the silence. “Because I’m trying to move on, but you won’t let me and it’s not fair.”
“I’m trying!” I snapped. “Do you think I want to feel this way? Do you think this is easy for me, because it’s not! You think this is a one sided thing and that you’re the only one stuck in this…situation.” I was frustrated. “I was there that night too and I liked you! I liked you a fucking lot. I remember waking up the morning after unable to wait to see you again. And yes, maybe I was wrong under the circumstances, but I didn’t ask for this. It’s hard, no, it’s fucking impossible, okay? I’m mad at myself and at you and pretty much everyone. Let’s blame my teenage hormones.” I mumbled that last part more to myself. “I want to be happy for you. I don’t want to be jealous of you and your new boyfriend, but unfortunately that’s just the way things are.” I threw my hands up in the air in defeat. I hated the fact that Gerard looked surprised by this.
“I love Lisa.” I said with conviction, meaning it more than anything in the world. Lavender was my favorite scent since I met her, because her hair was always soft and smelled of lavender. Then there were her beautiful blue eyes and her heart was the biggest of anyone I’ve ever met. She made me a better person, although admittedly I would never be good enough to actually deserve her and I realized that.
As could be expected, Gerard didn’t appreciate my statement. It was easy to tell from the way his mouth twisted and his eyes were very emotive.
“I’m telling you this so you understand that I’m not doing any of this to hurt you. That was never my intention. It’s not what I want.” I deserved a prize for all my honesty today. “I know that that’s unfortunately how things have turned out. Everything we’ve been doing… We keep hurting each other and I know that it’s mostly my fault and I’m sorry.”
His eyes never left mine for even one second and this was a relief. He was listening and he believed me.
“We need to be honest with each other. We have to tell each other these things if we have any chance at this friendship. I want to know if you get a boyfriend even if you’re scared about the way I would react.” I wanted this friendship to work and I was willing to roll with the punches in order for that to be the case. “It’s going to suck, but it’s necessary if we’re ever going to move on. I mean maybe if we share everything with one another each one of us will realize that the other is happy and then step back. We’d let go.”
“I hear what you’re saying and I get why you think the way you do, but maybe it would be better if we parted ways for a while,” he suggested instead.
My heart sank. That’s not what I wanted at all. “No!”
“Frank…”
“You just got a boyfriend. You can’t do this to me.” I hated the desperation in my own voice. He was already moving on and now he wanted to do so without me. Yes, I had to move on. Yes, things would be easier. But somehow I couldn’t picture my life without him.
“It’s the only way…” he started to say, but I shook my head.
“No. No way. Over my dead body.”
“Come on, Frank.” He was trying to reason with me, but I wouldn’t have any of it. If he wouldn’t do it for me then maybe someone else.
“You can’t let the band down. We have the gig this week and everyone’s counting on you. It wouldn’t be fair to let everyone else down simply because we can’t get over seven minutes in…” I was holding onto his upper arms and staring straight into his eyes and I gulped. “Heaven.”
We stood there staring at each other for a few moments before Gerard let out a small breath. “Frank…”
I looked away. He was about to break my heart and I couldn’t look at him while he was doing it. I didn’t have the courage and I was fighting hard against the sudden feeling of abandonment that washed over me like waves.
“I’ll do the show,” he finally said and my head shot up. “I’ll do the show and we’ll see how it goes.”
“Thank you.” It was all I could manage to get out, because my throat was completely constricted with emotion.
“Don’t thank me yet.” He stepped back from me and I could see that he still had every intention of running. “I’ll see you at band practice.”
“Gerard!” I called after him as he was about to leave the room.
He stopped and turned back to look at me, waiting for me to say what was on my mind.
“I always thought that if you and I had met under different circumstances or if we had never been shoved into that closet together that things would have been different, would have been easier. We would have been best friends.” I managed a small smile in his direction.
He chewed on the inside of his lower lip and his eyes narrowed slightly. “That’s where you’re wrong. It wouldn’t have changed anything.”
My smile faltered and Gerard disappeared out the door. He was right. It didn’t have anything to do with a stupid party game. I had noticed him the second he had stepped through the front door with Ivy. The damn game had simply been the catalyst.
I highly approve
5/6/16