Kill me or make me feel alive
I'm coming back from the dead and I'll take you home with me
Drunken people are so damn easy, you don’t have to be a vampire or some other mysterious creature to recognize the drunken ones from a mile. They slur, can’t walk straight and make fools of themselves on the streets and in the clubs and they probably think they’re safe. Ha, I’m the living (well, not really- oh well…) proof they’re oh, not so safe. I don’t kill people, I never had but people would scream and run away from me as fast as they can, which is still pathetically slow for me, if they knew that a vampire is near them. The thing is, I’m not the only vampire, so they need to be scared. Ah, humans. Poor stupid humans, they know nothing until one of us drains them to death.
I am now leaning against a wall near the back exit of a cheap club, a cigarette hanging carelessly between my lips and a single sentence repeating in my mind like a broken record- ‘I am going to kill someone’. For any other vampire, this would be ridiculous, we should be used to that and actually enjoy it but I am not exactly normal, I weren’t normal when I was alive, so why being such a boring thing in the afterlife? I wouldn’t call myself innocent, because it would be completely wrong- innocent and vampire just don’t go hand in hand. I will remain misfit forever. Well, not exactly forever, just until I find someone enough desperate, someone who would gladly give their life. Someone who wouldn’t make me feel guilty for killing them. Then, I’m going to drink from their dead blood and I’m going to die as well.
Just as I am thinking about all this and I watch the cigarette smoke leave my mouth, creating beautiful shapeless magic in the air in front of my face, the wind hitting my cheeks, unable to make me feel cold, I hear a door being suddenly opened and I look in the direction of the noise, uninterested at first. I saw at least a dozen of people this night exiting the club from that same door and no one has caught my attention so far, no one has been as desperate as I need my victim to be, so I kind of lost the hope that it was going to happen this night.
As soon as I see, but mostly feel the person who is being thrown out of the club by some other guy, a wave of emotion hits me. This stranger’s emotions, to be precise. This is all I’ve been looking for…
“Asshole!”, the man weakly tries to scream at the now closed door. Good. He’s just as helpless as I want him to be. This means I can talk to him and then kill him. I want to have a conversation with him, he’s going to be special for me- mostly his blood.
“What happened?”, I ask calmly from my hiding spot in the shadows, away from the street lamp that dimly lights most of the small street behind that club. He’s in shadow, too but don’t forget I’m not human- I can see him perfectly well.
I can’t say I chose an ugly one- hell, he’s actually quite beautiful for a human. He has honey colored eyes with a little green in them and his skin is so damn pale, if I couldn’t hear his heartbeat, I would’ve thought he is one of us. He has tar black hair that looks a little greasy but I am not disgusted for some reason from the obvious lack of showering in the last couple of days. He has normal proportions- he’s neither too skinny, nor too fat. I would’ve probably be attracted to him if I was alive but no, I’m a vampire and vampires don’t like humans… or do they?
He seems startled for a moment and he’s suddenly very sober “Who’s there? Um, I mean, I got kicked out, uh, I g-got in a fight”
“Oh, and why did you get in a fight?”, and I am genuinely curious, he doesn’t seem like one who would get drunk and fight with strangers just for fun.
“Well, um, I kind of, um, I’m gay. You know…”, he says carefully and I can feel him becoming very scared of me. Poor thing probably thinks I’m going to beat him, too. I have other intentions, though.
“Are you? I have no problem with that, babe”, I whisper the last part, suddenly very close to his ear.
“Wh-what? But you were-I-what-”, he stutters, not being able to ask me how did I moved so fast next to him. Ah, this is going to be entertaining.
“Stop talking”, I whisper, my lips barely touching his ear. I felt him shiver with excitement and fear, but he obeys, of course. I can feel all of his desperation and hopelessness, just like I felt it a couple of minutes ago when I saw him, I can feel the sorrow hiding deep in his soul, gripping his throat and suffocating him. I can feel that he doesn’t want to be saved. Quite the opposite, actually- he wants to be destroyed but he’s scared to ask for it. But I know just what he needs and my nature guides my fingers to his perfectly square shaped chin, lifting it a bit and exposing his pale flawless neck. I brush my lips against the skin over his vein, feeling it pulsating under my lips, feeling him trembling like a leaf from the excitement and I do what I need to.
My mouth opens and my fangs pierce the thin skin of his neck. By the time he gasps, my teeth are deep in him, sucking his sweet, innocent blood. I expect him to do anything trying to push me off him or yelling or something but he just stays there, letting me do this to him.
“Are you going to kill me?”, he asks me weakly. I am deeply surprised by his calmness about the situation so I lift my head and politely answer “Yes, I am”. He finally takes a look at my face and he stares at my eyes intensely for a couple of moments.
“Good”, he answers with the same calm tone. It’s disturbing, really.
“Why do you want to die, boy?”, I ask him.
He laughs faintly, then avoids the question “My name is Gerard, uhhh, Gerard Way, and it’s very nice to meet you, whoever you are”.
Wow, he has much breath and strength for someone who has been almost half-drained.
“I asked you a question, Gerard”
“I just- I guess I just…don’t want to live?”
“This doesn’t answer my question”
“What do you want me to say? I have nothing to live for and I don’t – I don’t want to- I- don’t- I don’t wanna live, ya know? Just, continue what you started, whatever it is”
He then leans against me a little and that’s the first time in a while I don’t know what to do around a human. He’s getting weaker and weaker.
“Don’t you have a family?”
“They don’t”, his eyelids close a little, showing his dark long eyelashes “care”, he finishes. Then he passes out.
And this is it. I know I won’t have any other chance to take it back and I don’t even know if it’s right or wrong, good or bad. I only know my human part is dominating and I can’t do it, I only know I need to save him. And I don’t even know why. He’s going to die if I leave him here, I drank too much from him. I quickly lick the blood that’s leaking through the two deep holes on his neck, feeling with my tongue his faint pulse. I wrap one of my arms around his torso and the other around his legs and carry him with the speed of light to my house, praying to whatever God is out there he won’t die in my arms.
I am now leaning against a wall near the back exit of a cheap club, a cigarette hanging carelessly between my lips and a single sentence repeating in my mind like a broken record- ‘I am going to kill someone’. For any other vampire, this would be ridiculous, we should be used to that and actually enjoy it but I am not exactly normal, I weren’t normal when I was alive, so why being such a boring thing in the afterlife? I wouldn’t call myself innocent, because it would be completely wrong- innocent and vampire just don’t go hand in hand. I will remain misfit forever. Well, not exactly forever, just until I find someone enough desperate, someone who would gladly give their life. Someone who wouldn’t make me feel guilty for killing them. Then, I’m going to drink from their dead blood and I’m going to die as well.
Just as I am thinking about all this and I watch the cigarette smoke leave my mouth, creating beautiful shapeless magic in the air in front of my face, the wind hitting my cheeks, unable to make me feel cold, I hear a door being suddenly opened and I look in the direction of the noise, uninterested at first. I saw at least a dozen of people this night exiting the club from that same door and no one has caught my attention so far, no one has been as desperate as I need my victim to be, so I kind of lost the hope that it was going to happen this night.
As soon as I see, but mostly feel the person who is being thrown out of the club by some other guy, a wave of emotion hits me. This stranger’s emotions, to be precise. This is all I’ve been looking for…
“Asshole!”, the man weakly tries to scream at the now closed door. Good. He’s just as helpless as I want him to be. This means I can talk to him and then kill him. I want to have a conversation with him, he’s going to be special for me- mostly his blood.
“What happened?”, I ask calmly from my hiding spot in the shadows, away from the street lamp that dimly lights most of the small street behind that club. He’s in shadow, too but don’t forget I’m not human- I can see him perfectly well.
I can’t say I chose an ugly one- hell, he’s actually quite beautiful for a human. He has honey colored eyes with a little green in them and his skin is so damn pale, if I couldn’t hear his heartbeat, I would’ve thought he is one of us. He has tar black hair that looks a little greasy but I am not disgusted for some reason from the obvious lack of showering in the last couple of days. He has normal proportions- he’s neither too skinny, nor too fat. I would’ve probably be attracted to him if I was alive but no, I’m a vampire and vampires don’t like humans… or do they?
He seems startled for a moment and he’s suddenly very sober “Who’s there? Um, I mean, I got kicked out, uh, I g-got in a fight”
“Oh, and why did you get in a fight?”, and I am genuinely curious, he doesn’t seem like one who would get drunk and fight with strangers just for fun.
“Well, um, I kind of, um, I’m gay. You know…”, he says carefully and I can feel him becoming very scared of me. Poor thing probably thinks I’m going to beat him, too. I have other intentions, though.
“Are you? I have no problem with that, babe”, I whisper the last part, suddenly very close to his ear.
“Wh-what? But you were-I-what-”, he stutters, not being able to ask me how did I moved so fast next to him. Ah, this is going to be entertaining.
“Stop talking”, I whisper, my lips barely touching his ear. I felt him shiver with excitement and fear, but he obeys, of course. I can feel all of his desperation and hopelessness, just like I felt it a couple of minutes ago when I saw him, I can feel the sorrow hiding deep in his soul, gripping his throat and suffocating him. I can feel that he doesn’t want to be saved. Quite the opposite, actually- he wants to be destroyed but he’s scared to ask for it. But I know just what he needs and my nature guides my fingers to his perfectly square shaped chin, lifting it a bit and exposing his pale flawless neck. I brush my lips against the skin over his vein, feeling it pulsating under my lips, feeling him trembling like a leaf from the excitement and I do what I need to.
My mouth opens and my fangs pierce the thin skin of his neck. By the time he gasps, my teeth are deep in him, sucking his sweet, innocent blood. I expect him to do anything trying to push me off him or yelling or something but he just stays there, letting me do this to him.
“Are you going to kill me?”, he asks me weakly. I am deeply surprised by his calmness about the situation so I lift my head and politely answer “Yes, I am”. He finally takes a look at my face and he stares at my eyes intensely for a couple of moments.
“Good”, he answers with the same calm tone. It’s disturbing, really.
“Why do you want to die, boy?”, I ask him.
He laughs faintly, then avoids the question “My name is Gerard, uhhh, Gerard Way, and it’s very nice to meet you, whoever you are”.
Wow, he has much breath and strength for someone who has been almost half-drained.
“I asked you a question, Gerard”
“I just- I guess I just…don’t want to live?”
“This doesn’t answer my question”
“What do you want me to say? I have nothing to live for and I don’t – I don’t want to- I- don’t- I don’t wanna live, ya know? Just, continue what you started, whatever it is”
He then leans against me a little and that’s the first time in a while I don’t know what to do around a human. He’s getting weaker and weaker.
“Don’t you have a family?”
“They don’t”, his eyelids close a little, showing his dark long eyelashes “care”, he finishes. Then he passes out.
And this is it. I know I won’t have any other chance to take it back and I don’t even know if it’s right or wrong, good or bad. I only know my human part is dominating and I can’t do it, I only know I need to save him. And I don’t even know why. He’s going to die if I leave him here, I drank too much from him. I quickly lick the blood that’s leaking through the two deep holes on his neck, feeling with my tongue his faint pulse. I wrap one of my arms around his torso and the other around his legs and carry him with the speed of light to my house, praying to whatever God is out there he won’t die in my arms.
Notes
1) I wrote this chapter at around 4 a.m. cause I drank way too much coffee and I'm sorry if there are any mistakes XD2) I’m really happy that someone’s reading this! Vote, subscribe, comment, let me know you enjoy this c:
3) Gerard’s not going to die…yet *mwahahaha* Next chapter is probably going to be from his point of view, ‘m not sure tho.
I just started reading this today and I just wanted to say that it's amazing. :)
9/7/14