For a biker, Mikey had a very thin frame. Most of the gang were more on the muscular side, and had let their skin become canvases for tattoo artists. Mikey was not like the rest of the gang though; he had not a single tattoo, and hardly any muscle to boast about. But even so, that still did not stop people from fearing Mikey, knowing although he didn’t appear to be tough, he very well could be, and Frank had received that message very well. I could feel the anxiety radiating off of him as he looked at my brother, who had just walked in on us kissing. Of course, I knew there wasn’t anything to fear, Mikey didn’t mind Frank that much, but Frank hadn’t known that. I could sense Frank was surprised when Mikey remained calm.
“Oh, there’s no need to explain, Frank.” Mikey had breathed, leaning down and picking up the cup he had dropped on my floor. “I knew something like this was bound to happen between you two, I saw the way you looked at each other upon meeting.” Mikey probably flashed Frank a smile and Frank laughed nervously in response. I was pretty sure he was blushing as hard as I was. “Don’t worry, I’ll leave you two love birds alone.” Mikey chuckled, stepping out of the room and I heard the door shut and the sound of footsteps fading down the hall.
“I apologize for my brother.” I mumbled.
“You apologize for him?” Frank laughed. “Why?”
“Because he’s so annoying.”
“He’s your brother. He acted so nonchalant about us kissing.” Frank giggled. “He just walked in on us kissing, God, some brothers would flip the shit. But he didn’t”
I shrugged. “I guess.”
Frank stood up. “On that note, my mom is gonna be looking for me. I have homework to do too.” He sighed.
“Stop by tomorrow?” I asked, hoping that didn’t sound too desperate.
I could tell he beamed at the question. “Of course. I’ll walk straight here after school lets out.”
“Awesome.”

When I lay down to sleep that night, I found my mind drifting off to when Frank and I had kissed. I kept imagining the moment and reliving it in my head, feeling his lips pressed gently against mine, his hands cupped so gently against my face. It was such an amazing moment; I wanted so bad to relive it again. There was obviously so much emotion in our kiss; surely Frank must’ve liked me back. I had no doubt that he had feelings for me.
Then I started thinking. You see, the thing about thinking…once you start, you can never stop. I feel like I lose control of my thoughts and cannot control them, and they just attack me with their negativity and depression. Gerard, I thought, did you really think you were handsome? How did I even look? Would I be considered one of the cute looking guys, or the lame geeks that no one ever wants to date?
I ran my hands down my face, and felt the contours of my cheeks and chin. Oh God, why couldn’t I see?
I stood up and walked over to my dresser, where I knew there was a mirror.
God, please, give me my sight back. I silently prayed as I was “staring” at the mirror I knew was in front of me.
But, as usual, my prayer went unheard.
I slammed my fist on the dresser. “Fuck you eyes!” I started scratching at them. I dug my nails in my eyelids. “You’re there but don’t even fucking work!” I screamed, bursting into tears. I backed up and started banging on my head as hard as I could. “Fuck you brain! Fuck you!” I snarled, punching myself in the head harder and harder until I was dizzy and ready to pass out.
“Gerard!” My mother screamed and ran into the room, grabbing my arms. I tried to fight with her, screaming and flailing my arms about. She kept a firm hold, though, and eventually I grew tired of screaming, fighting, and crying, that I just gave up and fell to me knees sobbing hard while she held my arms so I didn’t hurt myself anymore. “Gee?” She whispered, on the verge of tears.
“Am I handsome?” I asked suddenly, it must’ve taken her completely off guard. She loosened her grip and was silent for a moment.
“Oh Gee, of course you are.” She whispered.
“No, mom. Am I? Really? Then again, you’re my mom; you’re not even going to tell me the truth.” I ripped my arms from her grasp and stood up. I didn’t face her.
I was on the verge of breaking down. I couldn’t take any of this anymore. I just wanted to be able to see again. I wanted to see who Frank was. I wanted to see what my brother looked like, how well my mother dealt with age. I wanted to look in the mirror and see who I was. I missed the sights of the world… now all I saw was darkness and ugliness. How could I live without being able to see? I hated being handicapped, and people treating me like a child. I wanted to be free and independent, not some child that needed a baby sitter.
“Gee, why would you think you’re ugly?” She whispered, her voice sounding hurt. I tore myself from my thoughts.
“I don’t know if I’m ugly or not mom! That’s the thing!” I snapped. “I have no idea what I look like!”
She was silent. I mean, I guess I couldn’t really blame her, what was she supposed to say? She wasn’t blind. She wrapped her arms around me and held me close. “Gee, I honestly think you are very handsome.” She ran her fingers through my hair and I started crying harder.
“I want to see.” I whispered. “I want to see again mommy.” My voice cracked.
“Oh Gee… I would give anything to let you see again.” She whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
After she laid me down in bed and tucked me in, I heard her knock on Mikey’s door and enter his room. Curiosity got the best of me as usual so I got myself up and walked to Mikey’s room. I put my ear up to the door.
“I think Gerard is getting bad again.” I heard my mother’s voice first.
“I heard just now. Also, last night he tossed and turned, I think his nightmares are coming back.” Mikey sighed.
“That’s what I was thinking. Ever since the city… I wonder if it had to do with getting lost. Another traumatic experience triggered his memories…of you know who.”
“I think you’re right.” I heard my brother sigh. “I think he needs to go back before it gets bad again.”
The minute I heard that I gasped, and accidentally too loud, because they fell silent and I heard footsteps head for the door. I sprinted for my bed and lay down, squeezing my eyes shut. Please think I’m asleep, please think I’m asleep…
“Gee, I know you’re awake.” My mom was in my room seconds later. I tensed up as she sat at the foot of my bed. I remained silent, and she sighed. “I’ve been noticing how depressed you’ve been the past few days baby. I’m worried about you. Are the nightmares back?”
I shook my head. “No, I’m fine.” Just please, get the fuck out of here and stop talking to me. I thought.
“Gerard, don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying!” That was a lie, but I wasn’t going to tell her the dreams were back. I didn’t want to go back there. Never.
She sighed in defeat, knowing she wasn’t getting any information from me. She stood up. “Just know I’m here if you need to talk.” She left without another word.

After that episode, my mom seemed to be worried sick about me, and I hated it. When I woke up, Mikey was getting ready for school, my mom for work. When I entered the kitchen, I could feel their gazes burning into me. I tried to ignore it as I walked to the coffee pot and poured myself a hot cup of coffee like I did every morning. I found everything easily, as my mom always put everything in the same spot to ensure I didn’t have difficulty finding it. She also made sure to buy the same coffee pot every time it breaks, since it’s the only one I’m used to. I knew all the buttons and settings by heart. After I made my coffee I sat at the table and sipped my cup. My mom cleared her throat.
“So, Gerard, did you sleep well?”
“Yes.” I lied, taking another gulp of coffee. I hadn’t slept at all.
“No dreams?”
“None.” I mumbled
“Well, that’s good.”
“Yup.” I nodded. I hated these awkward situations. There was silence for a bit, so I decided to break it. “Frank’s coming over after schools over.”
“Is he? That’s wonderful. I heard he came over yesterday. I feel awful I wasn’t home. I would’ve loved for him to stay for dinner. Invite him tonight; I’ll be home in time for dinner.” My mom said.
I responded with no emotion. “Okay.”
“Gerard? Are you sure you’re okay? We can always go and tal-“
“I’m fine mom!” I cut her off. “Leave me alone! I’m nineteen fucking years old; I can take care of myself! Stop babying me!” I snapped.
“Gerard,” Her voice sounded hurt. “You know I only want what’s best f-“
I don’t know why, but I exploded. “Shut up mom! I’m not a retarded fuck up! Yeah, sure, I can’t see, but that doesn’t mean I can’t take care of myself! I’m tired of you not letting me go to college, not letting me go anywhere without you… I’m my own person! I’m done with this shit!” I stood up and stormed out of the room.
“Gerard Arthur Way get back-“
I didn’t let her finish because I slammed the door shut behind me. I had grabbed my cane and was walking down my driveway and onto the sidewalk. I was so pissed off, I needed to cool down.
I tried to let my feelings fall into my footsteps, to let them become a thing of the past, but they simply did not leave me be. Instead they clung to my mind like a parasite, and I couldn’t get them off. They were like thousands of tiny leeches, draining all the happiness from me.
Why couldn’t I just become my own person? Why couldn’t I go to college, earn a degree in something I’m passionate about, (which I was still trying to figure out), and why couldn’t I live on my own? I was forbidden to move… My mother always told me there was no need, and that there was room in her house for me always. I never argued with her because she just always seemed so kind about it, and now I was getting fed up.
I don’t know why all this was happening all of a sudden. The old me was coming back… the old me where I used to care about life and have emotions. Why was this happening? I liked the numb Gerard better.
I walked to the park and found a shady spot under a tree. I sat in the grass and picked at it, feeling its silky texture against my fingers. Oh, how’d I love to see it’s pretty green again. I leaned my head back against the bark of the tree and closed my eyes, emptying my thoughts.
“Gerard?”
I must’ve fallen asleep because I felt the gentle touch of someone’s hand on my shoulder, nudging me gently. My eyes opened slowly, and the day greeted me with its brightness. I felt the sun’s ray’s pool up at my legs, sending warmth throughout my body. It must’ve been late afternoon, as the early morning shade that the tree once provided had disappeared as the sun changed position across the sky.
“Gee, you okay?” I heard a familiar voice mumble. I blinked a few times and looked at his direction. I smiled a little, knowing exactly who it was.
“Yeah, Frank, I’m fine. Just went for a walk and napped. What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I always come this way walking home from school. It is a much shorter walk.” I heard Frank plop down to my left and I couldn’t help but slide closer to him. I felt him tense up a little, seeming to be a little hesitant at my desire for closeness, but quickly relaxed and his hand touched mine. I felt electricity shoot through my body, triggering a smile.
“I bet it’s a scenic walk too.” I whispered.
“Oh, uh, yeah, I guess.” Frank shrugged.
“I’ve always wanted to see the park. I remember it vaguely from when I was younger.”
There was a moment of silence before Frank spoke again. “Want me to describe it to you?”
“Would you really do that?” I smiled really big.
“Sure. I’m not like, a writer or anything, though, so don’t expect anything fantastic.” Frank mumbled. “But I can try, anyway.”
“Its fine, I want to hear.” I leaned my head back up against the bark of the tree, closing my eyes so I could concentrate solely on Frank’s voice.
“Well, let’s see. In front of us is a vast stretch of grass, the shards poking up like swords in the sky. There’s a path that cuts through the middle of the park. There are benches near the path for people to sit at. There are several trees plopped randomly here and there. In front of us, across the path, is an old couple arguing over something.” Frank laughed. “The sky is a dull gray today, with no sun to be found. I feel rain is about to come.”
As if on cue, raindrops started falling from the sky. They hit the ground with a gentle plop, and I could feel a couple fall on my skin, causing a shiver to run down my spine. Frank took my hand and helped me stand.
“It’s going to pour any second now.” Frank whispered, pulling me to the direction of my house. I followed, trying to match his quick pace, but I struggled and stumbled a few times, forcing us to slow down a little.
“Sorry.” I apologized.
“For what?” Frank frowned.
“Not being able to keep up…”
“Oh, I don’t mind.”
“You will when it starts pouring.” I pointed out. He just laughed in dismissal and after a few minutes the sky opened up into a downpour. We walked in a miserable silence, and I didn’t see why. Getting wet wasn’t terrible, but I could tell Frank hated it by the pace he was walking and his tight squeeze on my hand. I paused, and Frank turned back to me in confusion.
“Gerard, what are you doing?”
I had my head looking up in the air and my tongue sticking out, catching raindrops in my tongue. I felt them hit my taste buds and moisten my dry mouth. When I was satisfied I licked my lips and responded. “Taking a drink.”
“C’mon, let’s get home…” He said, tugging on my arm.
“Why? We’re soaked as it is I don’t think we can get any wetter.” I pointed out.
“But its cold!” Frank whined.
“You’re no fun.” I rolled my eyes and giggled.
“That’s what everyone says. I don’t see it.” Frank shrugged and I realized we had reached my house. I grabbed a key from my pocket and handed it to him, and he swung the door open. We stepped inside, dripping wet.
“I’ll go get us towels.” I ran upstairs before Frank could argue, feeling my way down the hallway. I stepped into the bathroom and opened the closet, grabbing two towels. I walked back down the stairs, and held out a towel, hoping it was close enough to Frank.
Frank grabbed it and I started drying myself off. When we were at least a little less soaked I headed up the stairs and Frank followed after me quickly.
It didn’t take long before I found us kissing. To be honest I don’t quite remember what happened, but suddenly I remember him kissing me passionately. Frank doesn’t even remember what exactly had happened, but something in us clicked and we started making out as if it were the casual thing to do.
Frank was on top of me, his lips pressed against mine. He nibbled on my lower lip and I opened my mouth as he thrust his tongue in. He explored my mouth and I let out a small moan, nibbling on his tongue gently. I wrapped my arms around his head to pull him as close to me as possible. Our tongues danced with each other’s, and I lowered one of my hands and touched his sweatshirt sleeve. He lifted his hand up and his sleeve got caught on my hand, causing my hand to feel his arms.
I felt something I didn’t want to.
Scars. There were scars... and fresh ones. I could feel Frank get anxious and I pulled away. He looked at me. “W-what?” He asked.
I felt up his arms and the cuts got more and more and he flinched a little. He pulled away and there was silence for awhile before Frank stood up. “I gotta go…” he mumbled, reaching for his backpack.
“No. Don’t go, please…” I begged, sitting up. “Please, talk to me.”
“About what, Gerard?” Frank sighed.
“Why do you cut? Is that, like, cool?”
“Not exactly…” Frank whispers.
“Then why?”
“Gerard, I really don’t want to talk about it. I gotta go.”
“Please… Frank…” I begged, but he was already running down the steps and was out the door before I could argue any farther.

Notes

Hey guys! Sorry for the late update! Writers block at its finest v-v
Anywho, I know the past three chapters have been dragging on, but I PROMISE there is going to be a lotta drama in the next chapters from now on!! Promise! Hopefully y'all will stick around to read it.
Love you guys! Thanks for all your support, it means a lot to me.
xowolfyz