(Gerard’s point of view)
Mikey put some fresh clothes and a toiletry bag on the double bed for me. I felt bad about asking him to leave, but I just really want to be alone.
I went in to the bathroom and put my hands either side of the sink. When I looked in the mirror all I could see was guilt. I can’t get over the Frank thing. What would Lindsey say if she knew? She would hate me. I had held in the tears for my band mates but now I let them come. I sat on the bed, and put on the TV.

EMO LEAD SINGER’S FAMILY DIE IN HEAD ON COLLISION. - Shouted the screen.
I stared at it in horror, as the news man, stood at the remains of two cars. One of them was my car.
I could picture us driving to this little cafe that Lindsey loved on Sundays. I shut the T.V. off and put my head in my hands. I took the toiletry bag in to the bathroom.
I showered and tried to clear my head. I reached into the bag for some soap when my hands came across a pair of nail scissors.
I picked them up and stared at them, water was pouring from the shower head. I looked at my wrist, and I looked at the scissors, and I cut. I don't really know what made me do it, but it just happened.
It hurt at first. But then the release came, my head started to feel clear, there was blood, but that just went down the drain. I couldn’t believe that felt so good. It made me feel alive even though I wanted to die. I did it again, and again, until I heard a knock at the door.
‘You ok in there?’ asked my brother.
I put down the scissors.
‘Yep, fine, just taking a shower,’ I tried not to sound nervous; don’t know if I was convincing though.
I used the shower to wipe away the blood on my wrist but it just kept coming, I panicked. There were three cuts. I turned the shower off, wrapped myself in a towel, and used tissue to stop the bleeding.
‘Uh, can you throw those clothes in here Mikey?’
I opened the door wide enough for the clothes; I didn’t want him seeing my wrist.
Thank god it’s a long sleeved shirt. I put them on, and put everything back in the toiletry bag. I walked into the bedroom to see Mikey sitting on the edge of the bed.
‘Hey,’ I said as I got into bed.
‘You know we need to talk about what happened,’ he sighed. ‘Just because your acting like everything’s all fine doesn’t mean shit, I know you, and it’s obvious that you’re not oh-fucking-Kay. I mean how could anyone be after something like this?’

‘I don’t want to talk now. What are we doing about the tour?’
‘We’re going to cancel at least the next 10 shows.’
I sighed. Ten shows is a lot and I felt bad for the fans but I could not deal with going on stage.
‘You gonna sleep now?’ Mikey asked.
I nodded. And got more settled under the duvet, I looked at my sleeve, a little bit of blood was coming through, but at least the shirt was black.
‘Oh, the doctor gave me these, they’re for sleeping, and I wasn’t sure if you’d want them or not, so I took them, you had already left when he gave them to me.’ He walked over to me. I didn’t know what they were, but I wanted them.
‘Can you get me a cup of water to take them with?’ he gave me one tablet. It tasted sour, but went down sweetly. I closed my eyes.