My Bulletproof Heart, Your Hollow Point Smile

Its hard to calm down. Specially when I keep reminding myself of what happened.

I'm breathing hard.

I'm rushing to Mikey's house. Gerard offered me a ride but I turned him down saying, 'I'd rather walk'. My legs ache, seeing as I haven't stopped speed walking.

I make a turn and I'm now in plain view of Mikey's house. I slow down and take deep breaths. I hold onto the straps of my bag, tightening them and loosing them up.

I don't know what to say to him once I get there. I'm not even sure what he wants to talk about. I don't even know if he even wants to talk. I mentally slap myself. Of course he does, why else would he invite me over?

I sigh as I make my way up their front steps, within seconds I'm knocking.

Shit.

I should've texted Mikey. What if Gerard answers? Its only seconds before I can cuss myself out.

I look up and see Mikey standing on the door way. I sigh loudly. He moves out of the way and I walk in. I find his mom in the living room reading some cosmetic booklet. She looks up and greets me. I smile back muttering a 'hello'. I walk up the stairs and into Mikey's room. I drop my stuff onto his bed and turn to the door to see him perched up against it.

He sighs.

He slowly steps towards me and sits down. He pats the space next to him. I sit.

"So how'd it go?"

How did it go. It was... Okay I guess. It could have gone better. I could have avoided going to practice. I could have punched him.

I shake my head, trying to get rid of the thoughts. I purse my lips and look down. I stare at my lap, my eyebrows scrunching up. I pick at a loose thread from the side of my leg, placing my bottom lip in between my teeth, pulling the skin off.

I sigh and look up. "If your talking about conditioning, it went great."

"Besides that,"

"With Gerard? Well, he asked to forget about it. So... why shouldn't I?"

"Gerard's an asshole, don't listen to him,"

"Hm. Well, can we just stop talking about him? I'm really not in the mood."

"Yeah, okay fine." He sighs.

We end up talking about other things, like new albums or instruments we like. I knew he had more in mind. The way he kept opening and closing his mouth to bring it up gave it away. He seemed distant. He would trail off if he didn't know what he was saying. I caught him once, giving me an impatient glance. I sighed. I brushed it off, thinking he would eventually drop it. It went on that way for another half hour. I couldn't take it.

"Okay. Fine, tell me what you have to say."

"Uh, what?"

"Your dying to tell me what I'm doing wrong or what I'm not doing. Just say it and get it over with."

"I don't know from where to begin."

"Well tell me how stupid I am for going after Gerard or whatever it is you're trying to imply,"

"No it's not that, but you are stupid for going after Gerard. What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't just brush him off just like that. Frank, I know you, more than you could ever think. And I know how you're just shutting off, pretending he's not hurting you. Just tell me what you have to say. What you're even feeling."

I sat there dumbstruck. I scrunch up my eyebrows in confusion. I didn't even expect him to turn this around.

I looked around the room, trying to come up with things to say. I bit my lip nervously as struggle to swallow the lump in my throat.

Did the room just get hot?

I sigh, shifting in my seat uncomfortably. I could feel Mikey's eyes, burning into the side of my head. I couldn't even look up to meet his eyes. I felt heat radiate off my face.

I close my eyes. I take deep breaths, trying to calm down the rate of my heart. I could hear it pounding in my ears.

"He pisses me off. He.. he thinks that I'm okay with his decisions. Well I'm not, I'm hurt. It feels like a punch to the heart. If I even knew how that felt. It's like he can play me like a puppet on strings. He gets me so mad, it takes everything in my will not to punch him. And what's worst, that even after everything that he does to me, I still want him."

That scared me to say the least. It got my heart to beat faster. I didn't even know I was making fists until I looked down and saw my knuckles turn white. I release my grip. And what scared me even more was when I looked up to see Mikey smiling down at me. He scooted over till he had his arms around me. And now I know what he meant by that. He knew I was lying to myself. I knew I was lying to myself. I still cared. But I had to get over him.

Notes

Hey... Heheh.. Nice chapter huh.

Im sorry please do not get mad. I forgot about this story with all the shit thats been going on at college and at home. We have to move and.. OH! I didnt tell you guys, im in college now :)

So i hope you will forgive me, i will try updating to the best of my abilities and with the campus' free wifi.

~xoxo jess