All That's Left Of Yesterday
I toss and turn, I can't sleep at night
Gerard's P.O.V.
I sit in the back of the ambulance as once again my brother is being rushed into hospital. Frank and I each hold one of Mikey's hands as Mikey's blood soaks all of our clothes and tears stain our faces. I've only just got my brother back and he's in hospital again. What is it with this boy?
Doctors run around checking Mikey's okay before the police go in and question him. Frank and I wait until 6am when it's all finished but quickly get ushered away because 'he needs to rest'.
The next few days pass much the same as the first but finally Mikey gets to go home. His actually home, our home. He's back in his room and Frank's staying in our spare room so he's there for Mikey too. He cares about him a lot.
It's 2am and I'm still awake. I head downstairs to find Frank sat on the sofa with the TV on.
"Can't sleep either, huh?" I ask him. I only get a nod as an answer. "You must really care about him." I say as I sit next to him. I do still care for Frank but it doesn't compare to how much I care about Mikey. Frank's a good mate and I'm perfectly fine leaving it that - nothing else to it. Anyway, I know how Frank feels about Mikey.
"I love him," he says, his head snapping away from the TV to look at me. "More than you could ever imagine. More than you ever can and that's killing him Gerard. Everything was going fine! Things were getting better, HE was getting better, until you pranced back into his life like nothing's happened. He's better without you! You're not needed, nor WANTED in this situation so why don't you just PISS OFF!?"
It takes a few minutes for Frank's words to sink in but once they do they sting me like a thousand bees and burn my heart. I feel sick and my eyes sting but Frank shows no sorrow for me. No remorse. I search for words to say but all that's ringing in my head is 'he's better off without you. You're not needed, nor wanted...'
"Why did you even come back?" Frank asks, calmer but with so much conviction it hurts just as much. His face is harsh and unforgiving. I open my mouth but my voice won't come out. Frank gives up on waiting for an answer.
"This is all your fault you know? If you hadn't come back we would never have gone to that stupid club. I've been blaming myself but it's not my fault. I left him with YOU! And YOU should have never left him on his own!" This seems ridiculous but it doesn't stop me from feeling like complete shit; Mikey's not a kid but he's my kid-brother and I should have been there for him.
"If YOU had of been responsible and looked after your brother, if you CARED about Mikey, you wouldn't have ever left him! It should have been you rather than him. He didn't deserve..." Frank's torturous words are cut short by an echoing scream coming from upstairs. We both jump up and run to Mikey's room to find him thrashing around in his bed, sweat running down his face, still deep in sleep. Frank wraps his arms around him and strokes his hair, whispering "it's okay, everything's fine, I'm here." I walk forwards, reaching out to comfort my brother but Frank looks up at me, daggers in his eyes. I back away and Frank turns back to Mikey.
I retreat back to my room, tears threatening to escape but I can't let them fall. I have to stay the strong one. I can't leave Mikey again, not after how much I hurt him last time. Frank's wrong! Mikey DOES want me! He's wrong...
I sit in the back of the ambulance as once again my brother is being rushed into hospital. Frank and I each hold one of Mikey's hands as Mikey's blood soaks all of our clothes and tears stain our faces. I've only just got my brother back and he's in hospital again. What is it with this boy?
Doctors run around checking Mikey's okay before the police go in and question him. Frank and I wait until 6am when it's all finished but quickly get ushered away because 'he needs to rest'.
The next few days pass much the same as the first but finally Mikey gets to go home. His actually home, our home. He's back in his room and Frank's staying in our spare room so he's there for Mikey too. He cares about him a lot.
It's 2am and I'm still awake. I head downstairs to find Frank sat on the sofa with the TV on.
"Can't sleep either, huh?" I ask him. I only get a nod as an answer. "You must really care about him." I say as I sit next to him. I do still care for Frank but it doesn't compare to how much I care about Mikey. Frank's a good mate and I'm perfectly fine leaving it that - nothing else to it. Anyway, I know how Frank feels about Mikey.
"I love him," he says, his head snapping away from the TV to look at me. "More than you could ever imagine. More than you ever can and that's killing him Gerard. Everything was going fine! Things were getting better, HE was getting better, until you pranced back into his life like nothing's happened. He's better without you! You're not needed, nor WANTED in this situation so why don't you just PISS OFF!?"
It takes a few minutes for Frank's words to sink in but once they do they sting me like a thousand bees and burn my heart. I feel sick and my eyes sting but Frank shows no sorrow for me. No remorse. I search for words to say but all that's ringing in my head is 'he's better off without you. You're not needed, nor wanted...'
"Why did you even come back?" Frank asks, calmer but with so much conviction it hurts just as much. His face is harsh and unforgiving. I open my mouth but my voice won't come out. Frank gives up on waiting for an answer.
"This is all your fault you know? If you hadn't come back we would never have gone to that stupid club. I've been blaming myself but it's not my fault. I left him with YOU! And YOU should have never left him on his own!" This seems ridiculous but it doesn't stop me from feeling like complete shit; Mikey's not a kid but he's my kid-brother and I should have been there for him.
"If YOU had of been responsible and looked after your brother, if you CARED about Mikey, you wouldn't have ever left him! It should have been you rather than him. He didn't deserve..." Frank's torturous words are cut short by an echoing scream coming from upstairs. We both jump up and run to Mikey's room to find him thrashing around in his bed, sweat running down his face, still deep in sleep. Frank wraps his arms around him and strokes his hair, whispering "it's okay, everything's fine, I'm here." I walk forwards, reaching out to comfort my brother but Frank looks up at me, daggers in his eyes. I back away and Frank turns back to Mikey.
I retreat back to my room, tears threatening to escape but I can't let them fall. I have to stay the strong one. I can't leave Mikey again, not after how much I hurt him last time. Frank's wrong! Mikey DOES want me! He's wrong...
11/1/13