When Frank awoke, the first thing he was aware of was how badly his body ached, all over, from head to foot. It was painful to even draw breath.

He was completely alone in the bed, which he was grateful for. Last night reared its ugly head and
Frank winced as he remembered each harsh blow Gerard had delivered to his body. And then he remembered watching through hazy eyes as Gerard’s feet had walked away from him, the door slamming. After that it was all blank until he remembered his episode in the shower and blacking out. And then...

And then Gerard had returned. Frank was still shocked at the way he’d so tenderly lifted him from underneath the harsh cold spray of the shower and had changed him out of his saturated clothes. All that Frank could remember after that was soft warmth and a pair of arms wrapped around him, stroking his hair and soothing him.

And here he was now.

Frank tried to move but it was too hard and the pain ripped through him when he even twitched a
finger. He sighed impatiently, cursing Gerard for fucking him up so badly. Frank had been in fights before, plenty of them, but he’d never been this messed up. It was normally Frank who walked away with nothing more than grazed knuckles and a few bruises and the other guy lying on the floor groaning and clutching his stomach, spitting out blood and teeth.

Frank was growing restless, praying to God that he’d be able to move soon, because if he couldn’t, he was fucked. Gerard would probably rape him or maybe beat him up some more. And what use would Frank be to himself if he couldn’t move without being paralysed by pain?

Frank sighed and closed his eyes again. He listened to the strange silence of the room until he realised it wasn’t silent at all.

Through the firmly shut door of the bathroom, Frank could hear muffled, pained sobs. Frank’s first thought was that it was some other poor fucker who Gerard had kidnapped and dragged back here, but Frank couldn’t remember anyone else being here last night. Unless Gerard had only taken him this morning...

But it didn’t make sense. Gerard wouldn’t have just snatched another guy off the streets and left the two of them alone in a motel room. He wasn’t stupid.

So that had to mean that the person sobbing in the bathroom was Gerard.

Frank was slightly confused by it. Gerard was heartless and cruel and completely screwed in the head, completely incapable of anything other than hate and anger. Why the hell would he be crying so desperately?

Frank suddenly saw his chance. Gerard had locked himself in the bathroom and was too busy howling and sobbing by the sounds of it to care about Frank. Frank could leave right now, escape from him and this could all just end.

So Frank forced himself to suck it up and fight his way through the pain as he hauled himself up off
the bed, his mouth hanging open in a silent scream, his face contorting in pain. He had to be completely silent. His life could fucking depend on this, he couldn’t mess it up.

Within the next five minutes, Frank had managed to get himself off the bed and was clutching the wall, getting used to the pain, taking deep breaths through clenched teeth, trying the ease his tense shoulders. He took a shaky step forwards, still holding on to the wall and made his way slowly across the room.

He tried to be as quiet as possible, but he doubted that even if he had made any noise, Gerard wouldn’t have heard over his pained sobbing. Frank didn’t know or care why Gerard was so upset.

Or at least that’s what he told himself.

When he finally reached the door, he was dizzy and breathless and felt like he might throw up. He was about to open the door when he suddenly stopped and closed his eyes.

Fuck.

Frank let go of the door handle and turned around, making his way over to the bathroom. He opened the door slowly and froze at what he saw.

Gerard was curled up in the corner of the bathroom, clutching his knees to his chest, his body wracking with sobs, his head buried in his arms. The floor was covered in fresh blood, the puddles catching the light and glinting brightly. Amongst the mess lay an old looking switch blade, abandoned in the pools of scarlet.

Frank didn’t know what to do, so he just kept standing there, staring. Gerard raised his head. His face was sickly and tear streaked, his eyes blood shot and tired, his hair a thick tangled mass of raven locks.

“Frankie,” he whispered hoarsely.

Frank’s eyes widened. “W-what...what happened?”

Gerard sniffed, turning his head away, his lower lip quivering. “I don’t...I don’t know.”

Frank just swallowed and stepped back, gasping in pain but clamping his teeth down on his lip to stop the scream from escaping his mouth. He was scared of this vulnerable, defeated Gerard and his tears.

“So sorry,” Gerard whimpered, grabbing his hair in his hands, a small, pathetic sob coming from between his lips. “I never meant to hurt you like that Frank, you h-ave to believe me.”

“I don’t,” Frank started, licking his lips, “I don’t believe you Gerard. I don’t believe anything you say.”

“But I’m sorry!” Gerard shrieked furiously, lurching up from the floor. “Look! Look what I did for you Frankie, for you!”

Gerard thrust his arms forwards in front Frank, revealing his bare, milky skin. His arms were completely slashed up, still oozing and bleeding, looking raw and thick and deep.

“What?!” Frank hissed, flinched away from him. “What the fuck Gerard?”

Gerard’s mouth dropped open and his arms fell limp at his sides, his eyes filled with hurt and rejection and disbelief.

“But...but it’s for you Frank,” Gerard told him shakily. “I did it for you because I’m sorry! Is it...is it not enough? Do you think I need more? Because I will if you want me to, I’ll make more cuts, whatever you want!”

Frank’s face screwed up in disgust. “No! Fucking hell, what’s wrong with you?! Why would you do that to yourself?!”

“Because I don’t know how else to show you I’m sorry,” Gerard replied in a broken whisper.

“If you want to show me you’re sorry let me go,” Frank told him flatly.

Gerard’s eyes went dead then, draining of all emotion within seconds. “You know I can’t do that. And you don’t want to leave me anyway Frank. You need me.”

“Please!” Frank begged in frustration. “Please Gerard, just give up! Whatever you think is going here, it’s not like that! For fuck’s sake, why can’t you see that?! You kidnapped me, against my will! Last night you left me on the floor, bleeding and unconscious! I want to get as far away from you as possible, you sick, sick fuck!”

“I don’t want to argue with you,” Gerard replied quietly. “Don’t make yourself get upset.”

Frank just stared in disbelief, shaking his head, his face pained and desperate. “You don’t get it do you? You stalked me and my girlfriend, killed her in front of me, kidnapped me and you’ve done nothing but hurt me and scare me since! Why can’t you just let me go?”

Gerard tilted his head to the side, staring at Frank with a curious, amused look. “I scare you?”

“That’s not the point!” Frank yelled. “Just listen to me! You’re sick Gerard, you need help! You need to be back in hospital and you need a doctor! You’re not right in the head and it’s best for you if you just let me go. This...this is only going to end badly.”

“No!” Gerard gasped. “I’m not going back there! NO! Don’t make me go back to them, please!”

Gerard started to hyperventilate, dropping to his knees slowly, making noises like he was choking and gripping on to the sink with bloodied fingers, his eyes bulging in his head.

“Gerard?” Frank asked, starting to panic and feel more scared than he had in the past week. “Gerard, stop it, please!”

“Don’t make me go back, don’t take me back there, shit, shit! Not going back, please!” Gerard sobbed clawing at his blood stained fingers, forcing open the cuts again, fresh blood beginning to leak from the deep slashes.

Frank did the only thing he could think of and lowered himself down next to Gerard, ignoring the pain and grabbing the bawling man’s wrists, prying them away from the bleeding cuts on his arms.

“Gerard, stop it, it’s alright, you’re not going anywhere, I promise!” Frank told him, desperately trying to calm the hysterical, hyperventilating man down.

“Please Frankie, please-”

“Gerard! Shut up! You’re not going back there, I promise! Just...just calm down, yeah? Stop freaking out, you’re scaring me,” Frank told him, gently, watching his wild, frantic eyes as they darted around the room.

“Meds,” Gerard mumbled, trying to control his breath. “Meds, need my meds.”

“Where are they? Just calm down, I’ll go get them for you,” Frank told, still gripping Gerard’s wrists.

Gerard shook his head shoving Frank away and struggling to his feet, his entire body visibly shaking.
His trembling, large pale hands clumsily scrambled around the counter set in to the wall where the sink and mirror were. He grabbed the bottle of tablets, barely managing to unscrew the lid. The small, circular blue pills spilt out on to the counter and Gerard seized a handful, counting them out in the palm of his hand before throwing back three of them dry.

He then went for another bottle. The contents of the next bottle were small red and yellow capsules. He swallowed down four of these and then he sank back down to the floor, his complexion even paler and sickly, his face pained and covered in a thin layer of sweat. His head thumped back against the wall, his eyebrows drawn together and his eyes closed, his mouth hanging open as he tried to regain his breath.

Frank just watched him, waiting for him to open his eyes. They sat in silence for at least 20 minutes if not more.

“Frankie?” Gerard muttered, his eyes still not opening. “I’m sorry.”

When Frank didn’t say anything, Gerard’s eyelids slowly peeled open and he looked straight at Frank.

“I didn’t want you to see my like that,” Gerard confessed. “I’m sorry.”

Frank continued to sit there, staring at him with utter confusion and shock.

“Come here,” Gerard told him.

Frank didn’t move and shook his head. “No.”

“Frank, please,” Gerard begged, sounding completely defeated. “Just come here.”

Frank bit his lip before slowly getting up, his face crumpling with pain with every movement. He shuffled over to Gerard before sinking back down on the floor next to him. Gerard looked at him with concern and he cupped Frank’s cheek softly.

“Does it really hurt that bad?” Gerard asked.

Frank gritted his teeth and nodded, his eyes stinging with tears, looking away from Gerard. He didn’t want him to see him cry.

“I’m so sorry baby,” Gerard said soothingly, stroking his face.

He lowered his face to Frank’s level then and captured his lips in a gentle, warm kiss. There was nothing forceful or possessive or dark about the kiss this time. It was simply just soothing and sweet and apologetic. Frank didn’t pull away. He just let Gerard kiss him but remained motionless, his lips refusing to move with Gerard’s.

When Gerard pulled away, Frank refused to meet his eyes and just kept his head down, his soft glossy fringe falling in his eyes.

“You’re so beautiful,” Gerard breathed, still holding on to Frank. “I can’t believe you actually exist sometimes.”

Frank reached out and took Gerard’s pale wrists in his hands, studying the deep thick cuts along his skin. He trailed a finger softly over the bloody slashes, stopping when Gerard winced, sucking in a sharp breath.

“You need to get these sorted,” Frank whispered hoarsely. “They might get infected.”

*********************

Frank and Gerard sat opposite each other on the bed, an open first aid kit lying next to Frank’s crossed legs. Frank held Gerard’s arm in his lap, swiping over the cuts with a disinfectant wipe gently. Gerard studied the boy and watched him carefully, not taking his eyes off of him for one minute.

Frank applied small butterfly stitches over the larger, deeper cuts, precisely placing the small white strips over Gerard’s sliced skin.

“You’re all done,” Frank murmured.

“Thank you,” Gerard replied, offering a Frank a small, hopeful smile.

There was a thick silence hanging in the air whilst Gerard cleaned up after Frank and tidied away the first aid kit. When he was done he climbed on to the bed slowly and joined Frank at the top of the bed, leaning against the headboard.

“We should probably leave tonight,” Gerard told him quietly. “Is that OK?”

“It’s not as if I have a choice,” Frank muttered under his breath.

Gerard sighed. “It’s alright; you’ll figure it out soon and enough and realise this is what you want. You’ll realise you love me.”

Frank just bit his lip, swallowed the lump in his throat and blinked away the tears.