He's drunk again.

His body splayed across the bed, rubbing his dick through his pants. He can't understand what that does to me, and it's not his fault. This happens often.

I'll sit here and Mikey will bring someone new home.
Gerard will get drunk and palm himself sloppily.
Ray will be asleep.
Bob had left a long time ago, sleepy.
And I?
I watch it all in agony.

Some desperate moans emit from Gerard's mouth and I want to die. My heart feels like someone is killing me slowly, ripping my heart apart, layer by layer. My mind is racing, my stomach turning. I put my head in my hands to stop myself from crying. Gerard finishes himself off and rolls on his back, seemingly asleep until he mumbles "Frank, I love you. You are a great friend. I'll get better." and then he really is asleep.

I cannot suppress the cry of absolute agony after he says this. Hot tears spring from my eyes, racing down my dirty face. I felt like I was going to puke. I hoped I would, maybe if I was lucky, I could puke up my heart. If not, I may just tear it out of my chest and give it to Gerard, it belongs to him anyway.

He is unaware that I love him so much. So much it fucking hurts. I have never felt so helpless and wrong, and depressed.

I walk slowly to his dark figure in the bed and kiss him softly on the lips. "Lve you gnight frankie" he mumbles out. I stuff my hand in my mouth and clamp my eyes shut. I can't take this anymore. I know I can't. I am letting myself suffer. With these thoughts fresh in my head, I walk out of the room, into the hallway and out the door.

I didn't expect Mikey to catch me before I left, but I can't say I minded. I had to tell someone anyway.

"Frank!" Mikey called, "Hey man why are you leaving?"
"Because I am desperately in love with your brother and I can't force myself to look ignore it anymore." I said, tears escaping my eyes again.
"Frank! Hey man it will be okay" He says hugging me.
"Can you not pollute my mind with that bullshit?!" I yell but take a deep breath calming myself. "Do you know what it is like to have something you want more than anything in the world dangled in front of your face? Jacking off feet from you. Talking to you, hugging you, cuddling you, kissing you, saying that he loves you? Can you imagine the torment of it? Please don't impose false hope into my mind." I said quietly.
"Frank!" Mikey yelled, but I was already gone.