Entwining our fingers, I looked back at him with a smirk planted on my face, which matched his. I pulled him out of the living room, moving between sweaty bodies that were jumping and dancing and squirming against each other, but making sure that I kept a hold on his hand. He followed freely and happily, moving out of the way of other couples. Couples that were actually happy and were really together, not like us, we weren’t like that any more. I hated that.

When I managed to get to the stairs, he’d caught up, and was right behind me. Pushing me up against the wall, he smashed our lips together, and I kissed back never-the-less. Pulling away, I made my way up the winding staircase, with my hand still in his. There were even people mingling on the stairs, and I had to try and get through them before we would finally get what we wanted. I looked back at him when I got to the top to see that he was focused on the floor, his blonde hair falling in front of his face, brown roots deliberately showing through.

Looking up, he noticed me watching him, and just smiled, and took the lead by pulling me into a spare bedroom. As soon as the door closed, my lips were on his again, and I was melting against him, my knees getting weak, like always. After all these years, he still had the same effect. I always fell for the quiet ones. Even with all of my painted on power, glamour and control, he could still make me fall for him in one little look, one little smile.

He pulled away to take his top off over his head. I smiled and quickly pulled him closer to me, connecting us again. Even if this was going to be another one night thing, he could still make me feel whole. Running his tongue along my bottom lip, I allowed him entrance close to straight away. I was yearning for him, and I knew I couldn’t wait much longer. I ran my fingers through his nicely styled hair, not really giving a shit. He tugged at the bottom of my tee, which had his band printed on the front of it, and I rapidly withdrew from him for only a second, just so he could get it off.

Picking me up, I wrapped my legs around his tiny torso as he started working his way down my neck, leaving little butterfly kisses. In an instant, the kisses got rougher, and once he’d lightly nipped me, I let out a little moan, which just spurred him on more. He started sucking on my neck, and swiftly I knew he was going to leave a bruise, not that I minded. Through the fluttering of my eyelids, which let me see the room every now and then, and the noise his footsteps, I knew he was walking backwards as he was still kissing me. I tried to not be too loud, but sometimes I couldn’t help it. Once in a while during his neck work, I would let out one which was just a bit too loud, and I knew people outside would have guessed what was happening now.

Suddenly, the backs of his knees collided with the bed, and we fell onto it - stopping us from kissing - but it now looked like I was straddling him. Instantly he had regained his posture and was had sat up, moving closer to me, as so connect our lips again. I obliged and the war in our mouths continued. Meanwhile, I ground my hips into his, as I started to feel his hard on through his tight skinny jeans, and as he groaned into my mouth, I managed to win our little tongue competition.

Moving slowly, painfully down his neck, I kissed and sucked on the pale skin, resting my hand on his chest. I pushed him down so he was mostly parallel with the bed, apart from the bottom of his legs which were hanging over the edge. I leaned over him, kissing his neck again, moving down his chest, until I reached his waist band. I left little butterfly kisses on the sensitive skin of his hip bones, and lightly pressing on his ever growing bulge, getting a groan to escape from his lips.

I knew he wanted me to get on with it, but he should also know that I was a massive tease, and I wasn’t about to change now. Unbuttoning, and unzipping his jeans, I hooked one finger around the band, and pulled them down, so he was lying on the bed with just a plain white pair of cotton boxers on, his also pale legs sticking out the end of them.

I smirked up at him, while he just had his eyes shut. Once again, I pressed on his bulge, just slightly harder, releasing another moan from him, and I knew just how painful this was on him. Hooking my finger around the band of his boxers, I slid them off his legs, and threw them on the floor behind me.

Promptly, he moved backwards on the bed when I told him to, and I climbed on, and sat next to him. I attached my hand round his dick, and started pumping, slowly at first. Until he said; ‘Fuck Leigha, you’re killing me here.’ And I smirked, knowing I was. I started going faster, and faster, letting him spill profanities out of his mouth, and soon a white liquid out of his penis. He sucked in a deep breath and looked at me, and as I stood, he stood too, connecting our lips as fast as he could. Before long, he was tugging at the top of my jeans, wishing them off, so we could get on with this.

Normally our whole routine was based on who could get who out of their clothes first, just so we could let go of our sexual tensions and fuck until we fell asleep. Normally, it was a lot less meaningful, a lot less slow. This wasn’t how we usually did it. And, to be quite honest, I was worried. What if we got emotionally involved again? I couldn’t let that happen. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind, and carried on with him.

Currently, he was undoing my buckle, and I wasn’t disagreeing, I just carried on kissing him. Finally, he had unzipped them, and had released my lips to pull them down, because he always liked to have control and to have the power, which was so unlike him if you only knew him in a friendly sense. I stepped out of them, and stood in front of him, just in my underwear, him completely naked.

Picking me up, he put me on the bed and laid in between my legs, because now it was his turn to make me quiver, and moan in pleasure. I looked down at him and he looked back, we stayed like that for at least a minute, till I couldn’t take it any more, and I had to look away. This was becoming too significant, too profound, too emotional and too important. This was getting more serious than the casual fuck we’d share when we happened to both be at the same party and drunk.

That’s when I realized that I hadn’t tasted alcohol on his breath, I may have had some, but I couldn't still taste alcohol. He wasn’t drunk, he’d planned this. Once I looked back at him he was leaning forward, and I was in too deep to stop him. I didn’t really want him to anyway. He was the one person who would make me drop into complete ecstasy, who could make my whole body tremble and shiver with complete and utter passion. I was going to go through with this; I needed it, even if I was going to have to break his, and my, heart again by leaving him again at the end of this.

Our lips moved together in a salsa of a dance, quickly yet amazing. He unhooked my bra with one hand, and carried on kissing me, but made his way down to my neck soon enough, and after sucking and leaving me with some bruises, he went down lower. He kissed around my breasts, and then started on my right one, then my left. I let a pleasurable moan escape from my mouth, and then another, which like before, just encouraged him.

Following that, he moved down lower and pulled down my underwear. He pushed a finger inside of me, and a roar of bliss rushed up my spine. He moved it out and then in again, coming back up to my level at the same time to kiss me, quickly and hard. I let another moan out into his mouth, and it echoed around both of our bodies. He started kissing my neck again, and my eyes fluttered closed, mesmerised in the moment.

I could feel the heat of his body on mine, his familiar yet still gentle touch. The music from the house pumping through the walls, helping to fuel his rhythm, and to stop the silence in the room becoming awkward. Gradually, I opened my eyes a tiny bit, just to look at him. His eyes closed as he kissed my neck, his long eye lashes flickering against my skin. His beautiful face turned to me, his mind, and brain and everything else focused on me. And his hair which is different from when I last saw him, but framed his gorgeous face. The brown roots that were purposely growing through just made him look even better. I couldn’t help but let a small lump grow in my throat, because I couldn’t believe I kept letting this go just because I was scared, this amazing, pure, fucking brilliant connection that we had. Just because I acted like a fucking child.

Whispering to him, I said I was ready, and he looked up at me nodding. He crawled off the bed and got a condom out of his jeans with shaky hands, probably because he was nervous, as this was the first time in four months and it was hard to come straight back to this. Especially because he wasn’t drunk, he was more aware of what would be coming for him in the morning, when he’d wake up alone and his brother would have to comfort him through his shaking shoulders and through fake promises to never hook up with me again. Even though they both knew that he didn’t mean it, and we’d be back in bed at the next party.

He got back on the bed, put on the condom and pulled me on top of him, so he was lying down and I was on top of him, facing him. Resting my hands on his chest, I went down on him, causing a moan to admit from our lips in unison. ‘Oh my god, Leigha.’ He cried, loud enough for people outside to hear, but I really didn’t care. I took him slowly to start with, and he held onto my hips, rocking back and forth. He got faster, and my pace started to speed up. We were now hitting into each other at the same time. Moans and profanities escaping our mouths, our bodies mingling and sweating together.

‘Leigha, oh my god, I’m gonna come’ He screamed, and I nodded, biting my lip, because the same thing was running through my mind. He moaned the loudest of that night very soon after, and I joined him a second later. I collapsed on his chest, and he hugged me into him.

Sighing, I rolled off him. ‘Are you going already?’ he murmured, looking at me through his eyelashes. I shook my head, signalling no, and settled down on the bed, pulling the cover over me. He joined me, and laid down next to me, kissing my shoulder and put his arm protectively around my waist, pulling me into him. I smiled, rested my head on the pillow, and fell asleep almost straight away.

-----

My eyes fluttered open, and the sunlight streamed through the open window, because I guess we forgot to close the window and shut the curtains last night. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 6 am, time to get up and leave. I felt an arm tighten around me, and I turned to see his sleeping face. Guilt swept over me, which freaked me out, because I don’t feel guilty, never do. I just leave and then cry myself to sleep at home, when I wake up, I’m fine. Why was I suddenly feeling like this? What happened to no strings attached sex? God, I could not be falling for him again, I could not be getting involved with him again.

I laid there for, what felt like, forever. I felt movement next to me, and I saw him shift in his sleep. And I realized that I had to make a decision, either leave and except that from how much passion in his eyes that he can’t take one more rejection, and so we’d never be able to do this again, or just give into my feelings, let go of my fears, and actually be with him.

I looked at him, and saw my past. My fears of being with him, of him breaking my heart, of him giving into the temptations of tour life. The amount of tears I lost on him, the amount I missed him, the fact that half the time, all I wanted was him to be there with me, hugging my tight. The fact that I missed his kisses and the feel of his skin on mine. But I also saw a future with him, me going on tour every now and then, just to be with him. Us getting married, having kids, just being with each other. No more games, no more one night stands, no more leaving him at 6 in the morning because I’m scared of the future and of him.

Looking through the window, I saw the trees swaying in the breeze, and a mother bird flying into one of the tallest ones to feed her babies. Smiling, I made my decision. I was sick of being scared, lonely, and lost, and all because of myself. I made myself this way, and all this self-destructive behaviour wasn’t helping. I was either going to have none of him, or all of him, and I hoped for the latter.

Before long, I felt him shift again, but this time yawn, like he always did when he woke up. His arm tightened against me again, and I was scared fucking shit less about what he was gonna say. It took him a few seconds to realize that I was actually still here. I looked up at him, and he had a confused look on his face.

‘Leigha, you’re still here? W-what? Why? You always leave.’ he questioned, and I sighed, taking in a deep breath, I tried to figure out what I was going to say to this gorgeous, perfect man that was right in front of me. He was actually really here, and I was going to do something I would have never thought I’d do.

‘Because I’ve messed up. I was so scared when we were together; I had never been in that situation before. It was serious, it was real, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I know I did handle it wrong, I’ve known that for a long time. But it took me a while to actually act on it, well, 7 years. I don’t know why, but last night, oh my god, last night. That was, that actually meant something, and I knew this would be the last time we did this if I left. So I either got over my stupid fears, and actually accepted my feelings, or I left you once and for all, and I couldn’t ever do that.’ I said, nervously picking my nails the whole way through the speech. Finally I looked up at him, and he was smiling.

‘I love you Leigha, and I am so fucking glad you finally realized this.’ He said, and kissed me, I kissed him back, hard. But then pulled away, and he raised his eye brow;

‘I love you too Mikey, so bloody much.’

Notes

2770 words.
op, sex.