Rock and Roll Ruined My Life
Talking It Out
Rock And Roll Ruined My Life- Chapter 32- Talking It Out
“Hey, Julie,” I heard a familiar voice call to me. I sighed tiredly and turned around from my locker. It was Tom.
“Hi, Tom,” I smiled politely.
“Can we talk?” I felt my heart flutter in that familiar way it usually did when he talked to me. How could I resist; those brown eyes and the dark hair were just too irresistible.
“Sure,” I nodded.
“Billie let me take his car to school today, he’s not feeling good.”
“I heard he was sick…so, you’re gunna’ drive us where?”
“Wherever you want to go,” he shrugged.
“Um, I guess a diner would be nice.”
“Okay. I’ll meet you out front,” he offered a small smile. I returned the gesture and went back to packing my books.
As I packed I thought about the weekend; it was Wednesday. Tomorrow could be Thursday and then at last I was going to be able to get out of this little town and go to my friends’ concert. The only thing was, who would I chose now: Jack or Tom? Both had qualities that I loved; both were funny in their own way, both were extremely sweet, both played music, and both seemed to like me. I was completely torn.
‘Don’t think about the future, just focus on what’s happening right now,’ I told myself. I quickly zipped up my backpack and walked out the front entrance. There was Tom, sitting in Billie’s car waiting for me. He really looked like he belonged behind the wheel, like he was an experienced driver who could pull out of any spot, drive as fast as he wanted, or maneuver out of a traffic jam. He just looked like he knew cars.
‘I like that,’ I decided factually to myself. Being able to drive was important and I liked feeling that the person I hung out with is comfortable and in control in a stressful setting; in this case, driving. I smiled and sat down in the passenger seat. He returned the smile and put the car into gear, driving a little faster than I thought he would’ve. I strapped in and put my book bag on the floor.
I leaned forward and turned on the radio. There was no need to change the station, it was on the rock n’ roll station and ‘Give Me Novocaine’ was on. I sang softly to myself and stared out the window as the buildings rolled by. The car was nice and toasty compared to the cold winter that was coming to a close, and I just felt relaxed sitting there breathing in the forever-ingrained smell of Billie’s cigarettes and Juliana’s perfume.
Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Tom nodding his head to the beat while he was driving. I smiled and enjoyed being in his company. I pulled out my phone and texted Mikey: I’m not going to be home until 6, just letting you know. Please tell Gerard and Lindsey. – Jules. After that I put my phone away and never took it back out.
Finally, we made it to a small diner called Maeve’s. I stepped over my schoolbag and climbed out of the car. The cold surged through me and I shivered as I waited for Tom to lock the door and walk around.
When we got inside, it looked like something out of an old fashioned movie; it was perfect in every way! I smiled at Tom as the hostess brought us to a little booth in the back. I ordered a grilled cheese and a chocolate milk and Tom ordered a hamburger with fries. We gave the waitress our menus and then we were by ourselves in the booth, 80s music playing in the background.
“So, what do you want to talk about?” I asked trying to get the ball rolling.
“I wanted to apologize. I was drunk and… I really didn’t notice how much I liked you until that guy Jack came along.” I felt my brain go into shock. Tom just told me how much he likes me. I searched for something to say.
“Thanks for apologizing,” I tried to get the words flowing but I just couldn’t. I tried again- “In the beginning of the school year I sort of liked you too. To be honest, I still kind of do… But Jack is also special to me... I don’t know if I’m ready to make a commitment to anyone just yet. Please, give me some time. I’m not trying to turn you away or say that I don’t like you back, I just don’t want anyone to get hurt; including myself.” – I guess two times is a charm.
Tom sat still for a moment and then nodded. The waitress came back with our drinks; we thanked her and then sat in silence for a while.
“Maybe we should just start over?” I offered. He nodded, again not saying anything. I held out my hand, “Hello, I’m Juliet Spinnet.” He smiled and shook my hand.
“I’m Tom Armstrong.”
“Nice to meet you. So, where’re you from?”
“Belleville, New Jersey; you?”
“New York City,” I smiled.
“Like, Manhattan?”
“Yup!”
“Whoa, that’s awesome!”
“Ha ha, not really.”
“How did you end up in this little town?”
“It’s a long story,” I sighed and looked down at my chocolate milk.
“I’ve got time.”
“It’s a sad story too…”
“I’ll listen.” I looked up and met his gaze. His eyes were dark and reassuring. I nodded and began my story.
“Last spring, I was walking home from school and I saw that someone had fallen down on the sidewalk. No one was helping them and it really bothered me. So when I decided I’d help them I didn’t stop to think of the consequences or who it could be or if it were some sort of weird catch thingy. So I began picking up things and I expected to see computer bits but instead, it was all music supplies. It seems like such a long time ago… Anyways, I saw that there was a broken guitar tuner in one of the bags so I took it out and fixed it cause my d-dad taught me. He was a music teacher… Finally, when I went to go give it back to the person who had dropped it, I saw it was a guy- who turned out to be Gerard Way. We ended up talking and he offered to take me to see the band’s tour bus and I went. So many things could have gone wrong that day,” I shuddered at the thought and continued, “but to be honest, it was one of the best days of my life! I was on a tour bus, playing video games with a bunch of guys who were acting like teenagers. For once, I felt like I belonged somewhere, it was great.”
“I can’t believe you just went with him,” Tom marveled. The waitress came back with our food and we thanked her again.
“Yeah, I don’t know what got into me that day,” I chuckled. Suddenly, we were both hysterical laughing. I was gasping for air by the time we finished. I had long since stopped listening to how many times the diner door opened or where our waitress went.
“Anyways, by the time I realized I had to be home, it was like 7 o’clock,” I continued, “My m-mom was so angry she just slapped me right across the face. I couldn’t talk for days without wincing.” I placed a hand delicately over my jaw. Tom raised his eyebrows at this. “My mom was Spanish. In her culture, it’s okay to ‘repremand’ kids if they do something wrong- no matter how old they are,” I explained. He nodded for me to continue as he ate his food. I stole a fry and took a sip of my chocolate milk before continuing.
“So, without telling my parents what I was doing, I would talk to MCR over the phone and once I even went over to a hotel in Staten Island to meet them,” I felt a small grin spread over my face as I reminisced hanging out with my cousins. I missed them so fucking much. “And even though they didn’t know who I was talking to on my phone, I got closer to my parents. My mom and I could actually have a conversation without yelling and my dad and I hung out more- it was great. I even got a ‘boyfriend’, Tim,” I practically spat the name. I saw Tom flinch, probably imagining how strong my anger was.
“It’s because of that douche bag that I cut myself and missed like a week of school in the beginning of the month.” Tom clenched his fist that was holding his soda and I pulled it away.
“Really, I’m better now, I promise. Trust me, with the threat I left him, he’ll never bother me again… But Tom, here’s where I need support. Because with this breakup piled on top of what I’m about to tell you, you’ll understand why I’m so guarded.”
“I’m here, I promise,” he said, squeezing my hand lightly. I leaned back in the booth and pushed my bangs away from my glasses. This would be the first time I ever explained the accident to anyone in detail. ‘You can do this,’ I told myself, ‘plus, you’re going to have to tell Jack when you see him on Friday…’ I snapped back to reality and took a deep breath.
“A week or so before my 16th birthday in June, my parents and I were in a car crash. We were going to pick up my sister from her friend’s house so we could get ice cream,” tears began to well up in my eyes. “It was the first time I had told them out loud that I loved them for being patient with me and putting up with all of my crap. And the moment was so perfect, I felt completely satisfied with my life. I felt whole…
We were the first ones to cross the intersection. We inched out and then my head snapped to the side and I heard the crunch of metal in my ears. Something stabbed my stomach. I heard my parents say their last words: my name.” By now I was sobbing, almost uncontrollably. Tom reached out and grabbed my hand again. I took it and held onto it; it was my strength to finish.
“After I woke up a month later in the hospital, Gerard and Lindsey told me that my aunt and uncle from Staten Island were willing to take one of us in as an adopted child. Even though I hated my aunt I would rather my sister be with our family than with a stranger. I’d go with the stranger. That’s when Gerard and Lindsey took me to a courthouse and signed my adoption papers and brought me to New Jersey. They’re my guardians. The whole My Chemical Romance family has helped me through every obstacle in my life… I could never thank them enough…”
“Damn, Julie. I’m so sorry. I didn’t even know it was like that. If I had known about everything I would have-”
“It’s okay. Now you know,” I replied, letting a grim smile come to my face. I tried to dry my tears with a napkin, but my face was thoroughly soaked.
“You should ask Gerard and Lindsey to take you to see your sister and cousins,” he offered.
“I can’t. I’m too afraid. I’m afraid I’ll shut down again. I send Christmas cards and all that stuff but-”
“Just go. If you want I’ll come with you…”
“I don’t know,” I sniffed.
“I’ll seriously go. Keep what’s left of your family close to your heart.”
“Why don’t you tell me about yourself?” I asked, cutting him off. I didn’t want to dwell on myself for too long.
“Well, my story isn’t as traumatizing as yours is, but okay… I grew up in the same neighbor hood that I live in now, and in the beginning, it was me, and my older brother and my mom and dad. But when I was six, my parents got a divorce and my older brother- who was 16- left with him. I see them over Christmas break for dinner and that’s about it. My mom doesn’t go though; I think she still likes my dad. She was depressed for a few years, but now it’s just me and her… Billie’s been there through everything too. We were both really good friends ever since we were kids, so that’s why we always hang out.”
“I’m sorry about your parents,” I frowned.
“Thanks.”
“So, how was everything?” Our waitress appeared at the table, oblivious to almost everything that had just happened.
“Great,” I replied. Her eyes came down to meet mine and she sobered up a bit.
“Would you like to have any dessert?”
“Two chocolate ice-creams please,” Tom replied, smiling.
“Alrighty! Two ice-creams coming up!” She scribbled down our orders and walked away.
“I love chocolate ice-cream!”
“Me too, who doesn’t?”
“Seriously,” I laughed.
After that we just made small talk until we finished our dessert. When it came time to pay the bill I made him split it with me- thank goodness I didn’t have to pay for the pizza the other day otherwise I wouldn’t have had money! As we were walking out, I thought I saw someone who looked like Zack Vengeance sitting in a booth. I shook it off and continued the walk back to Billie’s car. Tom dropped me off and I gave him a quick hug and thanks for taking me out to eat. Then, it was time to face the family. I pulled out my keys and stepped inside.
“Where were you?” I heard a voice ask me from the living room.
“I was eating,” I replied.
“Where?”
“At Maeve’s Diner.”
“Why?”
“Because I was hungry and wanted to hang out?” I responded.
“Next time tell us where you’re going, please. Gerard and Lindsey almost had a heart attack.”
“I texted Mikey…”
“Yeah but he had no idea where you were going…”
I walked into the living room and saw Mikey, the Rev, Frank, Ray, and Matt sitting on the sofa watching TV.
“Sorry,” I replied sheepishly.
“Don’t tell me, tell Gerard and Lindsey,” Frank replied. I sighed tiredly and walked into the kitchen where they I found Gerard, Lindsey, Bandit, Johnny, and Kitty. Steve, Jimmy, Brian, and Zack were nowhere to be found.
“Hey, guys…” I trailed off.
“Thank God! Where were you?” Lindsey sighed in relief as she got up and hugged me.
“I was at Maeve’s Diner, hanging out.”
“Why?”
“It was just some last minute plans…”
“Next time tell us where you’re going, please!”
“Who’s driving would be nice to know too,” Gerard added. I walked over and gave him a backwards hug around his shoulders; he was sitting down, what else could I do?
“Tom drove this time.” He nodded and I let go.
“I have to go do my homework, okay?”
“Alright. Don’t stay up too late. Just do what you can and then go to sleep,” Lindsey smiled.
“Trust me, I won’t,” I replied. I was so tired! All of this crying and worrying just wore me out.
As I was walking to my room I heard the front door open again,
“Hey,” I heard Matt say.
“What’s up?” I heard Zack’s voice reply. I stopped in my tracks.
“So, did you ever end up finding her?”
“Yeah, actually. She was at this diner with her friend,” I heard Brian reply. I gasped. They had someone follow me?! What, was I one of America’s most wanted? I shut my door- a little bit too loudly- and sat down at my desk.
‘Fuckin’ ridiculous. Is nothing sacred anymore? It’s not like I’m famous, they are!’ I thought to myself as I scribbled down the answers to my math homework. ‘Whatever…’
It got later and later and most of my homework was finished except for my Spanish homework. I could always do that in the morning or at lunch. I had it last period so I had all day. I pulled on my pajamas and drifted off to sleep, trying to keep all of my unmade decisions out of my head.
I tossed and turned all night but I couldn’t stop thinking about Jack and Tom. I got up and went downstairs to get a glass of water. To my surprise, I found Gerard sitting in the kitchen writing something down on a piece of paper. He looked up and saw me.
“Hi,” I said.
“Everything okay?” He asked, his brow creasing.
“Y- ……No. No I’m not okay.” My voice cracked and I felt my eyes water up. He stood up and walked over to me.
“Whoa, sit down,” He led me to a stool and sat me down. I put my head in my hands and let the tears run down my face; my lips trembled. I heard a clink as two mugs were placed on the counter. From the smell I knew it was coffee. Though I had never drank coffee before I took the mug to my lips and took a sip. It was bittersweet- just like me. Gerard sat down across from me.
“I feel like such a-a hoe,” I sniffed. I dragged the back of my sleeve across my face and took another sip.
“Why?” I looked up at him, my eyes still overflowing with pent up tears. We had grown apart recently. Now I always went to Mikey or Frank or sometimes even Ray. It was like my relationship with my father: we could have fun and joke, but actual teen things were never discussed. I realized I wanted the old Gerard back; the one that I could confide in like I did with the others. I would explain to him, he’d know how to help. I didn’t hold back, I told him everything:
“I went out with Tom tonight. He told me he liked me a lot and that he didn’t realize it until after the party we had over the weekend. But remember how All Time Low was there too? You know Jack? Jack. Jack hung out with me all night. He danced with me and joked around with me and when we got drunk we sang Blink-182 together…. Tom got mad because he was drunk too. We didn’t have as much as you guys but because we never drink, it was easy for us to get tipsy. He kept pushing into our conversations and asking me to dance. I obviously agreed because I didn’t want to make anyone upset but I could feel the jealousy surrounding him. It was like they were both fighting for me.
I’ve known Tom for a half a year now and I had never seen him drunk so I just assumed he was always like that when he was drunk but when he told me in the diner I knew he was serious. Right there I pictured myself in his arms, we would be a normal cute couple like Billie and Juliana and we would be perfect. But then I thought about Jack and I could picture myself like that with him too except we weren’t so cuddly, we were more party people… Either way I knew I had to tell Tom more about myself…. I told him about the accident, I told him how I hated Tim, I told him I was sorry for not explaining sooner. I also told him I couldn’t commit to a relationship because I knew we would both get hurt. I tried to make things sound optimistic and I guess it worked because we laughed and smiled the rest of the time we were eating. But then I realized it was wrong to make things sound good because Jack would always be there in my mind.
Do you know the morning after the party when Frank woke up with all of those bottles around him? My clothes were exactly the same, my hair was the same, my socks were still on. Everything was great. Except when I went to shift around to get comfy I felt a pair of arms around me, and a body behind me. Jack had crashed next to me and we fell asleep next to each other just like that on my bed. Of course, I being myself panicked because I have never had a true boyfriend before. Never been kissed by anyone but my own mom and dad on the cheek at night. But when I realized he didn’t do anything to me, didn’t try to cop a feel or take off my clothes, I realized he really liked me too. He even woke up to tell me that his hangover was worth it because he got to hang out with me the entire night before. I had never felt more loved by someone in my entire life.
Now I’m going to see Jack on Friday and he’s probably going to want to talk to me about stuff too and I’m just so torn because I love them both very much in their own way. I just feel bad because I feel like I led both of them on and now someone’s going to get hurt and that’s the last thing I want. I don’t want to lose a friend.”
I felt my self heaving tears and deep breaths. I did it. I told Gerard. I looked up at him. His face was almost expressionless. I had no idea how he was just sitting there. I took my mug of coffee up to my lips and took another sip. It didn’t taste as bad as the first time but it was still gross. I took another sip until the bitter taste filled up my senses. I felt calmer now that I had gotten everything off my chest but Gerard still hadn’t said anything.
“I don’t know where to begin with this, I’m going to be honest,” he chuckled, still seeming baffled by all of this information, “but all I know is that I give you a lot of credit. If I were in your position I think I would have killed myself… I’m surprised you told me everything, actually- about the drinking and stuff. Please don’t do that often, it’s not that good for you…”
“I won’t,” I smiled solemnly. He returned the gesture and continued.
“Second, about Tom and Jack. From what you just told me, and from what I heard from the Rev and everyone else, you and Jack are like perfect. And even if you don’t choose who you’re going to go out with right now, I know you’ll make a good decision because you’re Juliet and you are one of the smartest people I know. I know you won’t ruin your friendships either because you’re a good person; you wouldn’t let that happen. So I say no stress.” I got up and ran over to Gerard and gave him the biggest hug I could muster.
“Thank you so much for everything,” I sniffed.
“No problem. I’m sorry I couldn’t be more of a help-”
“You were the biggest help in the entire world, trust me,” I smiled.
“Anytime, Jules. So um, are you going to school tomorr- today? Or am I just saying that you came downstairs not feeling good and you went back to bed?”
“I’m going to school,” I sighed somewhat reluctantly.
“Alright, I’ll make sure Lindsey wakes you up and everything.”
“Okay, thanks. Oh and about Friday night, I know someone is driving me out there but I was wondering if I could turn it into a little buddy sleepover thing?”
“Sure, I don’t care. Who d’you want to take?”
“My friend Kat? You met her the night of the party.”
“Oh yeah! She can come along. So by sleepover you mean sleep over on that side of New Jersey, right? Because I know us band people aren’t going to their concert. No offense to them or anything, but yeah. We were gunna rent a few hotel rooms. Is that cool with her parents?”
“I have to see,” I replied.
“Okay, just let me know so I can get enough rooms.”
“M’kay. ‘Night,” I yawned as I shuffled back to the steps.
“ ‘Night Jules.”
When my head hit the pillow the second time I was out like a light. This time my sleep was also peaceful. Not just because I got everything off my chest, but also because I knew exactly who I was going to choose.
“Kat!” I called out down the hallway.
“Yeah?” I saw Kat turn around in the mass of people trying to get out of school.
“Are you doing anything on Friday?”
“Nope! Nothing at all! What’s going on?”
“Well, I was going to see All Time Low and I wanted to know if you’d want to come with me? We’d sleep over at a hotel and Gerard and everyone else will be supervising. But if you don’t want to go then-”
“I’d LOVE to go! I’ve been texting Zack back and forth a little bit and it would be so awesome to see him again! Oh and I know you and Jack are going to be hanging out! I just feel bad for Alex and Rian. Do they have girlfriends?”
“Yeah actually I think they do. But girl, I didn’t know you were talking to Zack!”
“Yeah! We really got along well at the party,” she smiled, blushing slightly. I was still flushed myself from when she mentioned Jack.
“Omigosh this is great! Just ask your parents and see if you can go. It’s in Bergen County.”
“That’s far away,” her brow furrowed.
“Yeah but the concert doesn’t start until 6 so if we leave like right after school we could be there by 5 and have like an hour to chill at the hotel.”
“I feel like such a rock star making all of these plans! One night stays at hotels and concerts and most likely hanging out with the guys afterward! I’ll make sure I can go. Count me in!”
“Okay I’ll tell Gerard and make sure you bring your bag to school, okay?”
“Alrighty! I’ll see you tomorrow!” She squealed in excitement as we walked out the front doors to our school. I scanned the block to see if anyone was there to pick me up. I usually got a ride from Billie but he left already. I’m pretty sure Kat took the bus too. I sighed and sat down on the front steps. I guess I’d just text someone and wait for them to come get me.
“Hey!” I heard a familiar voice call out. The rev of an engine filled the air as Chris pulled up in his Mustang.
“Hey, Chris! I haven’t seen you in forever!” I smiled.
“Need a ride?” he asked.
“Oh, it’s okay. You don’t have to take me.”
“We live on the same block for crying out loud! Get in the car.”
“Okay, okay,” I laughed.
The heat from the car instantly made me feel sleepy. I held back a yawn as I strapped in.
“So, how’ve you been? I haven’t seen you in the longest time!”
“I know! We don’t even sit next to each other in Lab anymore,” I pouted.
“It’s a shame,” Chris said patting my arm. I smiled and nodded.
“So, any plans this weekend?”
“Yeah I’m actually going to a concert in Bergen County tomorrow.”
“Nice, what band?”
“All Time Low. They’re pretty new but I’m good friends with them so I’m just going to chill.”
“Sounds like fun! Did you pick out your clothes yet?”
“No, actually. Want to help?”
“Fashion is my middle name, babe. You’ve called on the right person.”
We got home and after saying hello to everyone, Chris and I went upstairs to pick out clothes for the short trip. We were there for two hours trying on everything from skinny jeans to pajamas. Once everything was perfect we packed it all up, brought it downstairs to Gerard and Lindsey’s car, went back inside to eat, and then it was time for Chris to go. We both had homework to do and it was already 6:30! I hadn’t even realized we had taken that long. I finished my homework in a flurry and went back to the living room where the Rev, Brian, Zack, Gerard, Mikey, Ray, Matt, and Frank were.
“Hey guys,” I smiled as I plopped down next to Mikey, who was leaning against the couch. Since the end of the couch was all taken up I leaned back on Frank’s legs; he didn’t mind.
“Did you glittery friend leave?” the Rev asked.
“Don’t talk about him like that! He’s really nice and you’re just jealous you don’t have a friend like him.”
“Ohhhhh she got you good,” Brian and Zack said in unison.
“I don’t need a little fa-”
“Don’t you dare call him that!” I yelled, cutting him short. Everyone fell silent and an unknown hand muted the TV.
“I was just joking, geez. I wasn’t going to criticize. I love all types of people!” he held up his hands in defense. I turned and glared at him,
“Yeah, you better be joking. You have no right to judge anyone.”
“I was kidding. Do you know how many gay people I know?”
“No, but I just don’t appreciate that type of humor.”
“Sorry, Julie. Forgive me?” he held out his arms.
“I forgive you,” I smiled and got up to give him a hug. Everyone was smiling by the time I sat down.
During one of the commercial breaks, I stopped to think about tomorrow. I was so excited and I’m sure Kat was too…
“Oh Gerard! I forgot to tell you that Kat can come with us tomorrow,” I spoke up, suddenly remembering Kat’s response.
“Oh okay! We were planning on leaving right after you got out of school so tell her to bring her stuff to school early and we’ll be there to pack it into the car.”
“Okay I’ll text her now!”
I whipped out my phone and texted her Gerard’s message. All systems were a go! Tomorrow would be agony for both of us but I’m sure the wait would be well worth the while.
“Hey, Julie,” I heard a familiar voice call to me. I sighed tiredly and turned around from my locker. It was Tom.
“Hi, Tom,” I smiled politely.
“Can we talk?” I felt my heart flutter in that familiar way it usually did when he talked to me. How could I resist; those brown eyes and the dark hair were just too irresistible.
“Sure,” I nodded.
“Billie let me take his car to school today, he’s not feeling good.”
“I heard he was sick…so, you’re gunna’ drive us where?”
“Wherever you want to go,” he shrugged.
“Um, I guess a diner would be nice.”
“Okay. I’ll meet you out front,” he offered a small smile. I returned the gesture and went back to packing my books.
As I packed I thought about the weekend; it was Wednesday. Tomorrow could be Thursday and then at last I was going to be able to get out of this little town and go to my friends’ concert. The only thing was, who would I chose now: Jack or Tom? Both had qualities that I loved; both were funny in their own way, both were extremely sweet, both played music, and both seemed to like me. I was completely torn.
‘Don’t think about the future, just focus on what’s happening right now,’ I told myself. I quickly zipped up my backpack and walked out the front entrance. There was Tom, sitting in Billie’s car waiting for me. He really looked like he belonged behind the wheel, like he was an experienced driver who could pull out of any spot, drive as fast as he wanted, or maneuver out of a traffic jam. He just looked like he knew cars.
‘I like that,’ I decided factually to myself. Being able to drive was important and I liked feeling that the person I hung out with is comfortable and in control in a stressful setting; in this case, driving. I smiled and sat down in the passenger seat. He returned the smile and put the car into gear, driving a little faster than I thought he would’ve. I strapped in and put my book bag on the floor.
I leaned forward and turned on the radio. There was no need to change the station, it was on the rock n’ roll station and ‘Give Me Novocaine’ was on. I sang softly to myself and stared out the window as the buildings rolled by. The car was nice and toasty compared to the cold winter that was coming to a close, and I just felt relaxed sitting there breathing in the forever-ingrained smell of Billie’s cigarettes and Juliana’s perfume.
Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Tom nodding his head to the beat while he was driving. I smiled and enjoyed being in his company. I pulled out my phone and texted Mikey: I’m not going to be home until 6, just letting you know. Please tell Gerard and Lindsey. – Jules. After that I put my phone away and never took it back out.
Finally, we made it to a small diner called Maeve’s. I stepped over my schoolbag and climbed out of the car. The cold surged through me and I shivered as I waited for Tom to lock the door and walk around.
When we got inside, it looked like something out of an old fashioned movie; it was perfect in every way! I smiled at Tom as the hostess brought us to a little booth in the back. I ordered a grilled cheese and a chocolate milk and Tom ordered a hamburger with fries. We gave the waitress our menus and then we were by ourselves in the booth, 80s music playing in the background.
“So, what do you want to talk about?” I asked trying to get the ball rolling.
“I wanted to apologize. I was drunk and… I really didn’t notice how much I liked you until that guy Jack came along.” I felt my brain go into shock. Tom just told me how much he likes me. I searched for something to say.
“Thanks for apologizing,” I tried to get the words flowing but I just couldn’t. I tried again- “In the beginning of the school year I sort of liked you too. To be honest, I still kind of do… But Jack is also special to me... I don’t know if I’m ready to make a commitment to anyone just yet. Please, give me some time. I’m not trying to turn you away or say that I don’t like you back, I just don’t want anyone to get hurt; including myself.” – I guess two times is a charm.
Tom sat still for a moment and then nodded. The waitress came back with our drinks; we thanked her and then sat in silence for a while.
“Maybe we should just start over?” I offered. He nodded, again not saying anything. I held out my hand, “Hello, I’m Juliet Spinnet.” He smiled and shook my hand.
“I’m Tom Armstrong.”
“Nice to meet you. So, where’re you from?”
“Belleville, New Jersey; you?”
“New York City,” I smiled.
“Like, Manhattan?”
“Yup!”
“Whoa, that’s awesome!”
“Ha ha, not really.”
“How did you end up in this little town?”
“It’s a long story,” I sighed and looked down at my chocolate milk.
“I’ve got time.”
“It’s a sad story too…”
“I’ll listen.” I looked up and met his gaze. His eyes were dark and reassuring. I nodded and began my story.
“Last spring, I was walking home from school and I saw that someone had fallen down on the sidewalk. No one was helping them and it really bothered me. So when I decided I’d help them I didn’t stop to think of the consequences or who it could be or if it were some sort of weird catch thingy. So I began picking up things and I expected to see computer bits but instead, it was all music supplies. It seems like such a long time ago… Anyways, I saw that there was a broken guitar tuner in one of the bags so I took it out and fixed it cause my d-dad taught me. He was a music teacher… Finally, when I went to go give it back to the person who had dropped it, I saw it was a guy- who turned out to be Gerard Way. We ended up talking and he offered to take me to see the band’s tour bus and I went. So many things could have gone wrong that day,” I shuddered at the thought and continued, “but to be honest, it was one of the best days of my life! I was on a tour bus, playing video games with a bunch of guys who were acting like teenagers. For once, I felt like I belonged somewhere, it was great.”
“I can’t believe you just went with him,” Tom marveled. The waitress came back with our food and we thanked her again.
“Yeah, I don’t know what got into me that day,” I chuckled. Suddenly, we were both hysterical laughing. I was gasping for air by the time we finished. I had long since stopped listening to how many times the diner door opened or where our waitress went.
“Anyways, by the time I realized I had to be home, it was like 7 o’clock,” I continued, “My m-mom was so angry she just slapped me right across the face. I couldn’t talk for days without wincing.” I placed a hand delicately over my jaw. Tom raised his eyebrows at this. “My mom was Spanish. In her culture, it’s okay to ‘repremand’ kids if they do something wrong- no matter how old they are,” I explained. He nodded for me to continue as he ate his food. I stole a fry and took a sip of my chocolate milk before continuing.
“So, without telling my parents what I was doing, I would talk to MCR over the phone and once I even went over to a hotel in Staten Island to meet them,” I felt a small grin spread over my face as I reminisced hanging out with my cousins. I missed them so fucking much. “And even though they didn’t know who I was talking to on my phone, I got closer to my parents. My mom and I could actually have a conversation without yelling and my dad and I hung out more- it was great. I even got a ‘boyfriend’, Tim,” I practically spat the name. I saw Tom flinch, probably imagining how strong my anger was.
“It’s because of that douche bag that I cut myself and missed like a week of school in the beginning of the month.” Tom clenched his fist that was holding his soda and I pulled it away.
“Really, I’m better now, I promise. Trust me, with the threat I left him, he’ll never bother me again… But Tom, here’s where I need support. Because with this breakup piled on top of what I’m about to tell you, you’ll understand why I’m so guarded.”
“I’m here, I promise,” he said, squeezing my hand lightly. I leaned back in the booth and pushed my bangs away from my glasses. This would be the first time I ever explained the accident to anyone in detail. ‘You can do this,’ I told myself, ‘plus, you’re going to have to tell Jack when you see him on Friday…’ I snapped back to reality and took a deep breath.
“A week or so before my 16th birthday in June, my parents and I were in a car crash. We were going to pick up my sister from her friend’s house so we could get ice cream,” tears began to well up in my eyes. “It was the first time I had told them out loud that I loved them for being patient with me and putting up with all of my crap. And the moment was so perfect, I felt completely satisfied with my life. I felt whole…
We were the first ones to cross the intersection. We inched out and then my head snapped to the side and I heard the crunch of metal in my ears. Something stabbed my stomach. I heard my parents say their last words: my name.” By now I was sobbing, almost uncontrollably. Tom reached out and grabbed my hand again. I took it and held onto it; it was my strength to finish.
“After I woke up a month later in the hospital, Gerard and Lindsey told me that my aunt and uncle from Staten Island were willing to take one of us in as an adopted child. Even though I hated my aunt I would rather my sister be with our family than with a stranger. I’d go with the stranger. That’s when Gerard and Lindsey took me to a courthouse and signed my adoption papers and brought me to New Jersey. They’re my guardians. The whole My Chemical Romance family has helped me through every obstacle in my life… I could never thank them enough…”
“Damn, Julie. I’m so sorry. I didn’t even know it was like that. If I had known about everything I would have-”
“It’s okay. Now you know,” I replied, letting a grim smile come to my face. I tried to dry my tears with a napkin, but my face was thoroughly soaked.
“You should ask Gerard and Lindsey to take you to see your sister and cousins,” he offered.
“I can’t. I’m too afraid. I’m afraid I’ll shut down again. I send Christmas cards and all that stuff but-”
“Just go. If you want I’ll come with you…”
“I don’t know,” I sniffed.
“I’ll seriously go. Keep what’s left of your family close to your heart.”
“Why don’t you tell me about yourself?” I asked, cutting him off. I didn’t want to dwell on myself for too long.
“Well, my story isn’t as traumatizing as yours is, but okay… I grew up in the same neighbor hood that I live in now, and in the beginning, it was me, and my older brother and my mom and dad. But when I was six, my parents got a divorce and my older brother- who was 16- left with him. I see them over Christmas break for dinner and that’s about it. My mom doesn’t go though; I think she still likes my dad. She was depressed for a few years, but now it’s just me and her… Billie’s been there through everything too. We were both really good friends ever since we were kids, so that’s why we always hang out.”
“I’m sorry about your parents,” I frowned.
“Thanks.”
“So, how was everything?” Our waitress appeared at the table, oblivious to almost everything that had just happened.
“Great,” I replied. Her eyes came down to meet mine and she sobered up a bit.
“Would you like to have any dessert?”
“Two chocolate ice-creams please,” Tom replied, smiling.
“Alrighty! Two ice-creams coming up!” She scribbled down our orders and walked away.
“I love chocolate ice-cream!”
“Me too, who doesn’t?”
“Seriously,” I laughed.
After that we just made small talk until we finished our dessert. When it came time to pay the bill I made him split it with me- thank goodness I didn’t have to pay for the pizza the other day otherwise I wouldn’t have had money! As we were walking out, I thought I saw someone who looked like Zack Vengeance sitting in a booth. I shook it off and continued the walk back to Billie’s car. Tom dropped me off and I gave him a quick hug and thanks for taking me out to eat. Then, it was time to face the family. I pulled out my keys and stepped inside.
“Where were you?” I heard a voice ask me from the living room.
“I was eating,” I replied.
“Where?”
“At Maeve’s Diner.”
“Why?”
“Because I was hungry and wanted to hang out?” I responded.
“Next time tell us where you’re going, please. Gerard and Lindsey almost had a heart attack.”
“I texted Mikey…”
“Yeah but he had no idea where you were going…”
I walked into the living room and saw Mikey, the Rev, Frank, Ray, and Matt sitting on the sofa watching TV.
“Sorry,” I replied sheepishly.
“Don’t tell me, tell Gerard and Lindsey,” Frank replied. I sighed tiredly and walked into the kitchen where they I found Gerard, Lindsey, Bandit, Johnny, and Kitty. Steve, Jimmy, Brian, and Zack were nowhere to be found.
“Hey, guys…” I trailed off.
“Thank God! Where were you?” Lindsey sighed in relief as she got up and hugged me.
“I was at Maeve’s Diner, hanging out.”
“Why?”
“It was just some last minute plans…”
“Next time tell us where you’re going, please!”
“Who’s driving would be nice to know too,” Gerard added. I walked over and gave him a backwards hug around his shoulders; he was sitting down, what else could I do?
“Tom drove this time.” He nodded and I let go.
“I have to go do my homework, okay?”
“Alright. Don’t stay up too late. Just do what you can and then go to sleep,” Lindsey smiled.
“Trust me, I won’t,” I replied. I was so tired! All of this crying and worrying just wore me out.
As I was walking to my room I heard the front door open again,
“Hey,” I heard Matt say.
“What’s up?” I heard Zack’s voice reply. I stopped in my tracks.
“So, did you ever end up finding her?”
“Yeah, actually. She was at this diner with her friend,” I heard Brian reply. I gasped. They had someone follow me?! What, was I one of America’s most wanted? I shut my door- a little bit too loudly- and sat down at my desk.
‘Fuckin’ ridiculous. Is nothing sacred anymore? It’s not like I’m famous, they are!’ I thought to myself as I scribbled down the answers to my math homework. ‘Whatever…’
It got later and later and most of my homework was finished except for my Spanish homework. I could always do that in the morning or at lunch. I had it last period so I had all day. I pulled on my pajamas and drifted off to sleep, trying to keep all of my unmade decisions out of my head.
I tossed and turned all night but I couldn’t stop thinking about Jack and Tom. I got up and went downstairs to get a glass of water. To my surprise, I found Gerard sitting in the kitchen writing something down on a piece of paper. He looked up and saw me.
“Hi,” I said.
“Everything okay?” He asked, his brow creasing.
“Y- ……No. No I’m not okay.” My voice cracked and I felt my eyes water up. He stood up and walked over to me.
“Whoa, sit down,” He led me to a stool and sat me down. I put my head in my hands and let the tears run down my face; my lips trembled. I heard a clink as two mugs were placed on the counter. From the smell I knew it was coffee. Though I had never drank coffee before I took the mug to my lips and took a sip. It was bittersweet- just like me. Gerard sat down across from me.
“I feel like such a-a hoe,” I sniffed. I dragged the back of my sleeve across my face and took another sip.
“Why?” I looked up at him, my eyes still overflowing with pent up tears. We had grown apart recently. Now I always went to Mikey or Frank or sometimes even Ray. It was like my relationship with my father: we could have fun and joke, but actual teen things were never discussed. I realized I wanted the old Gerard back; the one that I could confide in like I did with the others. I would explain to him, he’d know how to help. I didn’t hold back, I told him everything:
“I went out with Tom tonight. He told me he liked me a lot and that he didn’t realize it until after the party we had over the weekend. But remember how All Time Low was there too? You know Jack? Jack. Jack hung out with me all night. He danced with me and joked around with me and when we got drunk we sang Blink-182 together…. Tom got mad because he was drunk too. We didn’t have as much as you guys but because we never drink, it was easy for us to get tipsy. He kept pushing into our conversations and asking me to dance. I obviously agreed because I didn’t want to make anyone upset but I could feel the jealousy surrounding him. It was like they were both fighting for me.
I’ve known Tom for a half a year now and I had never seen him drunk so I just assumed he was always like that when he was drunk but when he told me in the diner I knew he was serious. Right there I pictured myself in his arms, we would be a normal cute couple like Billie and Juliana and we would be perfect. But then I thought about Jack and I could picture myself like that with him too except we weren’t so cuddly, we were more party people… Either way I knew I had to tell Tom more about myself…. I told him about the accident, I told him how I hated Tim, I told him I was sorry for not explaining sooner. I also told him I couldn’t commit to a relationship because I knew we would both get hurt. I tried to make things sound optimistic and I guess it worked because we laughed and smiled the rest of the time we were eating. But then I realized it was wrong to make things sound good because Jack would always be there in my mind.
Do you know the morning after the party when Frank woke up with all of those bottles around him? My clothes were exactly the same, my hair was the same, my socks were still on. Everything was great. Except when I went to shift around to get comfy I felt a pair of arms around me, and a body behind me. Jack had crashed next to me and we fell asleep next to each other just like that on my bed. Of course, I being myself panicked because I have never had a true boyfriend before. Never been kissed by anyone but my own mom and dad on the cheek at night. But when I realized he didn’t do anything to me, didn’t try to cop a feel or take off my clothes, I realized he really liked me too. He even woke up to tell me that his hangover was worth it because he got to hang out with me the entire night before. I had never felt more loved by someone in my entire life.
Now I’m going to see Jack on Friday and he’s probably going to want to talk to me about stuff too and I’m just so torn because I love them both very much in their own way. I just feel bad because I feel like I led both of them on and now someone’s going to get hurt and that’s the last thing I want. I don’t want to lose a friend.”
I felt my self heaving tears and deep breaths. I did it. I told Gerard. I looked up at him. His face was almost expressionless. I had no idea how he was just sitting there. I took my mug of coffee up to my lips and took another sip. It didn’t taste as bad as the first time but it was still gross. I took another sip until the bitter taste filled up my senses. I felt calmer now that I had gotten everything off my chest but Gerard still hadn’t said anything.
“I don’t know where to begin with this, I’m going to be honest,” he chuckled, still seeming baffled by all of this information, “but all I know is that I give you a lot of credit. If I were in your position I think I would have killed myself… I’m surprised you told me everything, actually- about the drinking and stuff. Please don’t do that often, it’s not that good for you…”
“I won’t,” I smiled solemnly. He returned the gesture and continued.
“Second, about Tom and Jack. From what you just told me, and from what I heard from the Rev and everyone else, you and Jack are like perfect. And even if you don’t choose who you’re going to go out with right now, I know you’ll make a good decision because you’re Juliet and you are one of the smartest people I know. I know you won’t ruin your friendships either because you’re a good person; you wouldn’t let that happen. So I say no stress.” I got up and ran over to Gerard and gave him the biggest hug I could muster.
“Thank you so much for everything,” I sniffed.
“No problem. I’m sorry I couldn’t be more of a help-”
“You were the biggest help in the entire world, trust me,” I smiled.
“Anytime, Jules. So um, are you going to school tomorr- today? Or am I just saying that you came downstairs not feeling good and you went back to bed?”
“I’m going to school,” I sighed somewhat reluctantly.
“Alright, I’ll make sure Lindsey wakes you up and everything.”
“Okay, thanks. Oh and about Friday night, I know someone is driving me out there but I was wondering if I could turn it into a little buddy sleepover thing?”
“Sure, I don’t care. Who d’you want to take?”
“My friend Kat? You met her the night of the party.”
“Oh yeah! She can come along. So by sleepover you mean sleep over on that side of New Jersey, right? Because I know us band people aren’t going to their concert. No offense to them or anything, but yeah. We were gunna rent a few hotel rooms. Is that cool with her parents?”
“I have to see,” I replied.
“Okay, just let me know so I can get enough rooms.”
“M’kay. ‘Night,” I yawned as I shuffled back to the steps.
“ ‘Night Jules.”
When my head hit the pillow the second time I was out like a light. This time my sleep was also peaceful. Not just because I got everything off my chest, but also because I knew exactly who I was going to choose.
“Kat!” I called out down the hallway.
“Yeah?” I saw Kat turn around in the mass of people trying to get out of school.
“Are you doing anything on Friday?”
“Nope! Nothing at all! What’s going on?”
“Well, I was going to see All Time Low and I wanted to know if you’d want to come with me? We’d sleep over at a hotel and Gerard and everyone else will be supervising. But if you don’t want to go then-”
“I’d LOVE to go! I’ve been texting Zack back and forth a little bit and it would be so awesome to see him again! Oh and I know you and Jack are going to be hanging out! I just feel bad for Alex and Rian. Do they have girlfriends?”
“Yeah actually I think they do. But girl, I didn’t know you were talking to Zack!”
“Yeah! We really got along well at the party,” she smiled, blushing slightly. I was still flushed myself from when she mentioned Jack.
“Omigosh this is great! Just ask your parents and see if you can go. It’s in Bergen County.”
“That’s far away,” her brow furrowed.
“Yeah but the concert doesn’t start until 6 so if we leave like right after school we could be there by 5 and have like an hour to chill at the hotel.”
“I feel like such a rock star making all of these plans! One night stays at hotels and concerts and most likely hanging out with the guys afterward! I’ll make sure I can go. Count me in!”
“Okay I’ll tell Gerard and make sure you bring your bag to school, okay?”
“Alrighty! I’ll see you tomorrow!” She squealed in excitement as we walked out the front doors to our school. I scanned the block to see if anyone was there to pick me up. I usually got a ride from Billie but he left already. I’m pretty sure Kat took the bus too. I sighed and sat down on the front steps. I guess I’d just text someone and wait for them to come get me.
“Hey!” I heard a familiar voice call out. The rev of an engine filled the air as Chris pulled up in his Mustang.
“Hey, Chris! I haven’t seen you in forever!” I smiled.
“Need a ride?” he asked.
“Oh, it’s okay. You don’t have to take me.”
“We live on the same block for crying out loud! Get in the car.”
“Okay, okay,” I laughed.
The heat from the car instantly made me feel sleepy. I held back a yawn as I strapped in.
“So, how’ve you been? I haven’t seen you in the longest time!”
“I know! We don’t even sit next to each other in Lab anymore,” I pouted.
“It’s a shame,” Chris said patting my arm. I smiled and nodded.
“So, any plans this weekend?”
“Yeah I’m actually going to a concert in Bergen County tomorrow.”
“Nice, what band?”
“All Time Low. They’re pretty new but I’m good friends with them so I’m just going to chill.”
“Sounds like fun! Did you pick out your clothes yet?”
“No, actually. Want to help?”
“Fashion is my middle name, babe. You’ve called on the right person.”
We got home and after saying hello to everyone, Chris and I went upstairs to pick out clothes for the short trip. We were there for two hours trying on everything from skinny jeans to pajamas. Once everything was perfect we packed it all up, brought it downstairs to Gerard and Lindsey’s car, went back inside to eat, and then it was time for Chris to go. We both had homework to do and it was already 6:30! I hadn’t even realized we had taken that long. I finished my homework in a flurry and went back to the living room where the Rev, Brian, Zack, Gerard, Mikey, Ray, Matt, and Frank were.
“Hey guys,” I smiled as I plopped down next to Mikey, who was leaning against the couch. Since the end of the couch was all taken up I leaned back on Frank’s legs; he didn’t mind.
“Did you glittery friend leave?” the Rev asked.
“Don’t talk about him like that! He’s really nice and you’re just jealous you don’t have a friend like him.”
“Ohhhhh she got you good,” Brian and Zack said in unison.
“I don’t need a little fa-”
“Don’t you dare call him that!” I yelled, cutting him short. Everyone fell silent and an unknown hand muted the TV.
“I was just joking, geez. I wasn’t going to criticize. I love all types of people!” he held up his hands in defense. I turned and glared at him,
“Yeah, you better be joking. You have no right to judge anyone.”
“I was kidding. Do you know how many gay people I know?”
“No, but I just don’t appreciate that type of humor.”
“Sorry, Julie. Forgive me?” he held out his arms.
“I forgive you,” I smiled and got up to give him a hug. Everyone was smiling by the time I sat down.
During one of the commercial breaks, I stopped to think about tomorrow. I was so excited and I’m sure Kat was too…
“Oh Gerard! I forgot to tell you that Kat can come with us tomorrow,” I spoke up, suddenly remembering Kat’s response.
“Oh okay! We were planning on leaving right after you got out of school so tell her to bring her stuff to school early and we’ll be there to pack it into the car.”
“Okay I’ll text her now!”
I whipped out my phone and texted her Gerard’s message. All systems were a go! Tomorrow would be agony for both of us but I’m sure the wait would be well worth the while.
.
2/7/15