I gasped, and the world felt like it was tilting. All of the anger I had felt, all of the hurt, all of the betrayal, it was all gone, and all that was left was panic, fear, and the fact that I still loved Gerard more than humanly possible. I gripped my tiny bedside table, and took a steadying breath.

"Tell me quick, Mikey, is he alive?" My voice sounded crisper and more in control than I could have imagined.

"Yeah, he's in the hospital," Mikey choked, still crying.

"Is he awake?"

"No, I didn't really understand what the doctors said, but the upshot was that he hasn't woken up yet," Mikey replied through his tears.

"Ok. Where are you?"

"We're in Memphis, why? Are... Are you coming?"

"Of course I am," I whispered. I heard Mikey gasp a little on the other end. "Mikey, I love him."

"I know," he replied. "When can you get here?"

"Well, it'll take me probably about eight hours or so, but I'm packing as we speak," I told him as I began flinging clothes into my open suitcase.



I drove straight through the day. Several times, I had to stop on the side of the road to throw up, but always, I got right back in my rental car and continued driving. It wasn't until I was in Arkansas, perhaps an hour left until I reached Memphis, that I had to pull over to cry.

And I cried for a while, because it was all my fault. If Gerard wasn't ok, it was because of me, it was because I hadn't trusted him. If I hadn't been so damn paranoid, if I hadn't jumped to conclusions, if I had just listened! If he wasn't ok, I would never, ever forgive myself.

Eventually, I made it to the hospital. I almost had to force myself to walk through the doors and onto the elevator. I could hear the heels of my shoes clicking on the tiled floor as I made my way to the waiting room, it was late and the corridors were deserted. Soon I stood in the doorway, Mikey and Alicia were sitting in a corner, Alicia was asleep with her head on Mikey's shoulder, and Frank sat with his head in his hands across from them. Bob and Ray were missing. I stood there and stared at them, tears coming to my eyes. Eventually, Mikey looked up, and saw me in the door. He smiled, and gently removed Alicia's head, settling her across the sofa, before walking across the room, and pulling me into a giant hug.

"You made it," he whispered, pulling me out into the hallway.

"How is he?" I asked.

"He's still out. Do you wanna see him?"

"Please," I said.Mikey took my arm, and led me down the hallway. Moments later, we had paused in front of room 508.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" Mikey asked.

"No, thank you," I whispered. "I'll be alright."

"I'll wait here in the hall for you," he replied with a tight smile. I tried to smile in return, but wasn't able, I merely nodded, and pushed the door open.

Somehow, I managed to put my professionalism in front of my own feelings. I scanned the room, taking in the situation. He was on a heart monitor, but not a ventilator, thank god, he was breathing on his own. He was terribly, terribly pale, he looked as though he were wearing his stage make up. I walked over to the foot of his bed, and picked up the chart. Coma due to overdose of Diazepam and alcohol. Diazepam? It was basically Valium, a sleeping pill, but thankfully, it hadn't been as bad as it could have been. They had given him charcoal and pumped his stomach, and a full recovery was expected. I sighed in relief as I slid the chart back into the slot at the foot of his bed.

There was a chair by the head of his bed, and I sank down into it. I stared at his white face for a long time. I had done this to him. After several minutes, I wiped the tears out of my eyes, and took his hand. And I sat there. Eventually, I laid my head on his chest, and the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor sent me to sleep.

Notes

Should I finish this tonight? Eh, why not.