Somehow, I managed not to cry until I reached my destination. By bizarre coincidence, I had ended up in Chicago, Illinois. The choice they had given me at the airport in Cincinnati was between Chicago and Omaha, Nebraska, so the decision had been obvious. I used my bankcard to empty my bank account, then set up a new one. I got a new cell phone number. I got an apartment, a tiny, dingy place barely large enough for my bed and my tv. I got a new psychiatrist. I got a job at a local hospital. Only then did I allow myself to cry.

And I did. I cried and cried and cried, every moment I wasn't working, I was crying. I had lost him. I had lost Gerard. I had lost the one thing that gave my life meaning. But at the same time, I was angry, angrier than I had ever been. I had never felt so betrayed.

I waited for two weeks before I got myself together enough to call Bob. He answered on the second ring.

"Hello?" Confusion was obvious in his voice, and I attributed it to the unfamiliar number.

"Are you alone? Can you talk?" I asked softly.

"Not yet, but don't go away, hold on," he said, his voice now sounding both relieved and somehow much sharper than usual. I could hear him moving around, and then there was too much background noise, but that only lasted a couple of minutes. Finally, when there was quiet on the line again, he spoke again. "I think I can talk now. Where are you? Are you ok?" I smiled to myself.

"No, but I will be. I hope I will anyway." I could hear my voice shaking.

"I haven't spoken to him, at all. I haven't spoken to any of them. I just wanted you to know that. I want you to know that I am one hundred percent on your side. I'd really like it if you'd tell me where you are, I swear I wouldn't tell, but I'd feel better knowing you were somewhere safe," he said softly, and I was touched by the concern in his voice.

"Well, as long as you SWEAR not to tell," I said, and Bob laughed.

"Of course I won't! I think you know that. Like you said before, you and I are the same, Emily."

"Emily?" I asked, giggling a little.

"My sister," he whispered. "Just in case someone is listening, I'm gonna pretend you're her." I laughed out loud.

"Aww, will you look at that, I've gone and gotten myself ANOTHER big brother! Anyway, I'm in Chicago of all places. It was the first flight out, can you believe that coincidence?" Bob laughed.

"I knew you were, I could tell by the phone number," he said, before dropping his voice again. "Do you want me to bring your things next time I go home?"

"Yeah, if you could, that would be great," I replied. I could hear voices now in the background.

"Listen, I gotta go, but keep checking in with me, ok Emily?"

"I will, I promise," I said.

"Stay strong," he whispered.

"Back at ya," I replied, and as soon as we hung up, I burst into tears.



For the next month, I called Bob once a week. I threw myself into my work at the hospital, taking extra shifts, and only returning to the tiny apartment to sleep. It didn't feel like home, and honestly, I didn't bother getting comfortable. No pictures hung on the walls, the place looked impersonal, like a hotel room, but I didn't want any reminders. Aside from the emails I sent to my parents, my brother, and to Charlotte, I considered my old life over. Dead.

At least now, I had something to keep me going, I had something to live for. There was a reason to make this new life a good one, and I intended to do it.

I was surprised, six weeks after I had left, to see Bob's number pop up on my caller ID. He had agreed not to call me, and he didn't program my new number into his phone. Something must be wrong. I sat up in bed and hurriedly popped open my phone.

"Bob? Is something wrong?" I demanded immediately. I was met with silence.I waited for a moment, but got no response. "Bob? What is it? Talk to me!"

"I was right. It IS you," replied a familiar voice.

"Mikey?" I gasped, completely shocked.

"How could you do it? How could you do that to Gerard?" Mikey demanded. I was silent, too stunned to say anything for a moment.

"Wh- Where's Bob?" I stammered.

"In the bathroom, now answer my question, bitch!"

"What the fuck, Mikey! I didn't do ANYTHING to Gerard! HE was all over some other chick, and I'm supposed to just smile and take it? Ha!" I was yelling now, and realized that it was the first time since it had happened that I had said Gerard's name. Like, all out loud and shit. I started crying again.

"You didn't even let him explain, Angel. SHE kissed him! He totally didn't encourage her or anything," Mikey said, sounding a little gentler now. Mikey could never take a girl crying.

"But he didn't exactly push her away. He got tired of me, Mikey. He got tired of dealing with all my problems. I just made it easy for him," I sobbed. Mikey sighed.

"He DID push her away, Angel, AND he ran after you, and you wouldn't even talk to him. He wasn't tired of you, he ISN'T!" I was surprised to realize that Mikey was crying. "He was going to ask you to marry him, he had already bought a ring and everything, he was just waiting for the right time. He had a real estate agent looking for a house and everything. And now..." Mikey was really crying now, hard, and I was starting not only to feel like I had completely messed everything up, but that terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach was back, and I knew something was very wrong.

"What is it, Mikey. Tell me what's wrong." I had immediately stopped crying, and my voice sounded very crisp in my ears, like my professional voice.

"Oh Angel," Mikey was crying harder now. "Gerard started drinking the day you left. Hard. And then the drugs started again. And last night- Last night he- He overdosed."

Notes

A ha! Another cliffhanger!

But I plan to upload the next chapter in about 30 seconds. So I'm not sure it counts. Pretend it does, ok, cause I don't wanna lose my title as Queen of Lame.