The Only Hope For Me Is You.
Five.
“So what you're trying to tell me is that you've never been to an aquarium?” Gerard said in amazement, “Not even as a kid?”
“Not even as a kid,” Frank laughed and continued to eat his burrito.
“How can that be! It's like the most peaceful, amazing thing. Just to watch the fish swim around in their big tanks is awesome to me. They have no fucking clue they're essentially trapped in a cage. They don't know that, they just swim around and hang out with their fishy friends and just eat all day. They swim aimlessly but it's almost like their mission is to be aimless, you know?” Gerard rambled.
Frank chuckled, “I've never seen anyone get into fish so much.”
Gerard smirked, “I've worked at the aquarium for a couple years part time. I like to go in at night and just watch the fish if I've had a rough day and stuff. It's really peaceful. Plus, there's a room where the roof is just glass windows, and it's awesome to just watch the sky through them.”
“Watching the sky isn't really my thing.” Frank explained with a frown.
“Why not?” Gerard asked innocently.
Frank shrugged, “It's just not.”
“This is so good.” Gerard said as he took another bite out of his burrito, “I can't believe the new kid showed it to me.”
Frank laughed, “I just like Mexican food, man.”
Gerard, “Yeah, I used to eat it a lot with my ex, but then we broke up and I boycotted it for a while, but it's just so damn good.”
“I know how that can be,” Frank said quietly, “I've done that with a couple of things.”
“Oh, so no girlfriend for Mr. Frank Iero?” Gerard said and smiled, but there was a gentle undertone to his question.
Frank shrugged, “I don't believe in relationships anymore.”
Gerard frowned at his statement. Gerard had been through his ups and downs with dating people, as anyone had. He knew that break ups hurt, but he always tried to keep an optimistic out look on things.
“I've been through some hard times with people, I get that.” Gerard said and continued his thought, “I just remind myself that obviously that person wasn't for me. I believe everything happens for a reason, you know? I don't know, if.. I don't know.”
Gerard looked at his burrito as he finished his thoughts in his head. Frank looked at Gerard who had a solemn expression on his face as he ate his food. There was clearly a silent debate going on in his head. Gerard seemed to talk a lot when he was passionate about something, but at the same time there seemed to be a lot more going on in his head at all times.
“Can I ask what happened?” Gerard said after a few minutes of them just awkwardly sitting there. He smiled reassuringly towards Frank.
Frank started to pick at his nails, his automatic reaction to nervousness, and bounced his shoulders. “She cheated.”
“Brutal.” Gerard replied quietly, “How long were you together for?”
“10 months. Only 4 of them she was faithful, though. At least she claims to have been.”
Gerard bit his lip in thought as his eyebrows narrowed, causing a wrinkle in between the two of them. He looked at Frank's face which was clearly contorted with pain. Gerard knows all too well what being cheated on felt like, but he left that part out. He believed that telling someone “I know how you feel,” deflected the sincerity of a conversation. You can relate to how someone feels, but Gerard truly believed that no one actually knows exactly how someone else is feeling. We all experience pain differently, so instead of spewing the same “it'll be okay,” bullshit, he reached for Frank's shoulder.
“I'm here if you need someone to talk to.” he said genuinely, and smiled, “But I'll never tell you it's going to be okay. It's going to suck for a long time, and then you'll eventually move on, but you'll never forget about it.”
Frank appreciated Gerard's honesty, but it didn't necessarily make him feel any better either.
“So, what about you?” Frank asked.
“What about me?” Gerard laughed, “Have I been cheated on?”
“No, do you have a girlfriend?”
Gerard fell silent for a second and looked down towards the table below him. He bit the corner of his fingernail before responding. “Uh, no, no girlfriend.”
Frank noticed the sudden awkwardness that fell over Gerard, and instantly felt bad. He assumed that the pudgy, artistic guy in front of him probably experienced a rough break up, too. At the same time, it confused Frank that he got so quiet after the “it happens for a reason,” speech.
“Is it my turn to ask what happened then?” Frank said with a slight smile as he tried to lighten the mood.
“Hmm,” Gerard started, “My ex and I just didn't see eye to eye on things. I don't like being controlled, and when he-”
Gerard stopped and cleared his throat.
“When people try to control me I back out, I don't like it. I'm not someone who can be told what to do. Constructive criticism or guidance is one thing, but if you straight up demand me to do something, I'll do the complete opposite.”
Frank nodded his head in agreement. He can understand that point, he's been told what to do all his life. His parents are loving and he couldn't really complain, but his mother always expected everything to be perfect. There was an overwhelming pressure on Frank to do everything his mom asked him to, because he felt like he had disappointed her enough, so when she asked or told him to do something, he'd always do it.
“I wish I could be more like that,” Frank said aloud.
“Be more like what?” Gerard's face scrunched up in confusion.
Frank sighed, “I don't know. I wish I wasn't so obedient. I do what I'm told until I'm about to break, you know?”
Gerard just chewed on his nails as Frank continued.
“I think that's why me and Madison stayed together for so long. She told me to do something, and I just did it. It's my second nature, so she got what she wanted from me, and got what she wanted from him, too. I didn't see it coming because I was too fucking blind and stupid to see it.”
Gerard observed Frank as he continued to rant about his past relationship. Gerard didn't mind, he listened to every word Frank said and paid attention to the emotion that was coming out of him. Frank had been very quiet up until this point, and truthfully Gerard was thankful that Frank was starting to come out of his shell.
“It just fucking sucks.” Frank ended and took a deep breath.
“Closing time guys,” the girl behind the counter said interrupting the boys' conversation. “Do you need a box?” she said in a friendly tone.
“Oh, um, I think we're okay, thank you,” Gerard answered and smiled. Frank just nodded in agreement as they got up to throw their trash away.
Frank was inwardly beating himself up for opening up so much, but Gerard had a personality that was easy to talk to. He was understanding in a weird way, and seemed to actually care when he asked a question. Frank wasn't used to sincerity and people being genuine, so it made him slightly uncomfortable and forced him to have his guard up. But, at the same time, his guard came crashing down as soon as Gerard asked him a question. He didn't know what he was getting himself into. Frank was afraid to open up and to allow himself to have a friendship with anyone. He had a hard time trusting people, let alone a complete stranger who seemed to be as much of a loner as he was himself. He didn't know how this guy was, he had absolutely no idea what his intentions were. Frank wasn't willing to let himself get attached to this guy, or to let him know anything else too deep about his past. Gerard could easily hold it against him, and he wasn't willing to let that happen. Quickly, Frank built up his brick wall defense around himself again and cut off all emotions he'd previously exposed.
“I think it's time for me to go home now, “ Frank said and gave Gerard money for the burrito. “See you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow's Saturday, Frank.” Gerard said and smiled.
“Monday, then,” Frank said quickly and started to walk home.
“Do you want a ride?” Gerard asked, confused at the sudden change of Frank's mood.
“No.”
Frank turned around and pulled his thin hoodie over his head, zipping the zipper in a swift motion. He put in his headphones and started to blast The Cure. Robert Smith's voice soon inundated Frank's piercing thoughts. He couldn't hear himself think, and that was exactly his intention. He watched as his feet guided him in the direction he thought was home. Step by step, he got closer and closer to the park he always seemed to end up at. He pulled his phone out to check the time. 11:04. He didn't know how long he'd been walking, and honestly didn't care. He noticed he had missed text messages, so he pulled up the screen. A couple were from Aurora, one was from his mother, and one an unknown number.
“Are you coming home tonight, honey? Need to know if I need to leave the door open, not sure if you have a key.” his Mom's text read.
Aurora's followed, “Frank!” “Frankie!!!” “FRANK I JUST GOT THE NEW CASUALTIES CD, COME TO MY HOTEL AND LISTEN TO IT WITH ME!”
“Hey, thanks for hanging tonight.. sorry if my chatter freaked you out. Have a good weekend. -G” from the number 9734503802.
Frank scratched the back of his neck and rubbed his eyes.
“How'd you get my number?” he answered as he added the number into his contacts, 'GERARD.'
“Must of been the vodka. ;)”
Frank sighed and laid on the table by the small playground, though a couple swings and 3 slides can hardly be called that. He turned up the Misfits and stared at the roof of the gazebo that the table was under. Cobwebs and dead spiders were stuck in each of the four corners, but they didn't bother Frank in the least. He watched as a spider made a new web for itself, a new home. He turned his music up before replying to the text.
“Must of been. Good night.”
“Not even as a kid,” Frank laughed and continued to eat his burrito.
“How can that be! It's like the most peaceful, amazing thing. Just to watch the fish swim around in their big tanks is awesome to me. They have no fucking clue they're essentially trapped in a cage. They don't know that, they just swim around and hang out with their fishy friends and just eat all day. They swim aimlessly but it's almost like their mission is to be aimless, you know?” Gerard rambled.
Frank chuckled, “I've never seen anyone get into fish so much.”
Gerard smirked, “I've worked at the aquarium for a couple years part time. I like to go in at night and just watch the fish if I've had a rough day and stuff. It's really peaceful. Plus, there's a room where the roof is just glass windows, and it's awesome to just watch the sky through them.”
“Watching the sky isn't really my thing.” Frank explained with a frown.
“Why not?” Gerard asked innocently.
Frank shrugged, “It's just not.”
“This is so good.” Gerard said as he took another bite out of his burrito, “I can't believe the new kid showed it to me.”
Frank laughed, “I just like Mexican food, man.”
Gerard, “Yeah, I used to eat it a lot with my ex, but then we broke up and I boycotted it for a while, but it's just so damn good.”
“I know how that can be,” Frank said quietly, “I've done that with a couple of things.”
“Oh, so no girlfriend for Mr. Frank Iero?” Gerard said and smiled, but there was a gentle undertone to his question.
Frank shrugged, “I don't believe in relationships anymore.”
Gerard frowned at his statement. Gerard had been through his ups and downs with dating people, as anyone had. He knew that break ups hurt, but he always tried to keep an optimistic out look on things.
“I've been through some hard times with people, I get that.” Gerard said and continued his thought, “I just remind myself that obviously that person wasn't for me. I believe everything happens for a reason, you know? I don't know, if.. I don't know.”
Gerard looked at his burrito as he finished his thoughts in his head. Frank looked at Gerard who had a solemn expression on his face as he ate his food. There was clearly a silent debate going on in his head. Gerard seemed to talk a lot when he was passionate about something, but at the same time there seemed to be a lot more going on in his head at all times.
“Can I ask what happened?” Gerard said after a few minutes of them just awkwardly sitting there. He smiled reassuringly towards Frank.
Frank started to pick at his nails, his automatic reaction to nervousness, and bounced his shoulders. “She cheated.”
“Brutal.” Gerard replied quietly, “How long were you together for?”
“10 months. Only 4 of them she was faithful, though. At least she claims to have been.”
Gerard bit his lip in thought as his eyebrows narrowed, causing a wrinkle in between the two of them. He looked at Frank's face which was clearly contorted with pain. Gerard knows all too well what being cheated on felt like, but he left that part out. He believed that telling someone “I know how you feel,” deflected the sincerity of a conversation. You can relate to how someone feels, but Gerard truly believed that no one actually knows exactly how someone else is feeling. We all experience pain differently, so instead of spewing the same “it'll be okay,” bullshit, he reached for Frank's shoulder.
“I'm here if you need someone to talk to.” he said genuinely, and smiled, “But I'll never tell you it's going to be okay. It's going to suck for a long time, and then you'll eventually move on, but you'll never forget about it.”
Frank appreciated Gerard's honesty, but it didn't necessarily make him feel any better either.
“So, what about you?” Frank asked.
“What about me?” Gerard laughed, “Have I been cheated on?”
“No, do you have a girlfriend?”
Gerard fell silent for a second and looked down towards the table below him. He bit the corner of his fingernail before responding. “Uh, no, no girlfriend.”
Frank noticed the sudden awkwardness that fell over Gerard, and instantly felt bad. He assumed that the pudgy, artistic guy in front of him probably experienced a rough break up, too. At the same time, it confused Frank that he got so quiet after the “it happens for a reason,” speech.
“Is it my turn to ask what happened then?” Frank said with a slight smile as he tried to lighten the mood.
“Hmm,” Gerard started, “My ex and I just didn't see eye to eye on things. I don't like being controlled, and when he-”
Gerard stopped and cleared his throat.
“When people try to control me I back out, I don't like it. I'm not someone who can be told what to do. Constructive criticism or guidance is one thing, but if you straight up demand me to do something, I'll do the complete opposite.”
Frank nodded his head in agreement. He can understand that point, he's been told what to do all his life. His parents are loving and he couldn't really complain, but his mother always expected everything to be perfect. There was an overwhelming pressure on Frank to do everything his mom asked him to, because he felt like he had disappointed her enough, so when she asked or told him to do something, he'd always do it.
“I wish I could be more like that,” Frank said aloud.
“Be more like what?” Gerard's face scrunched up in confusion.
Frank sighed, “I don't know. I wish I wasn't so obedient. I do what I'm told until I'm about to break, you know?”
Gerard just chewed on his nails as Frank continued.
“I think that's why me and Madison stayed together for so long. She told me to do something, and I just did it. It's my second nature, so she got what she wanted from me, and got what she wanted from him, too. I didn't see it coming because I was too fucking blind and stupid to see it.”
Gerard observed Frank as he continued to rant about his past relationship. Gerard didn't mind, he listened to every word Frank said and paid attention to the emotion that was coming out of him. Frank had been very quiet up until this point, and truthfully Gerard was thankful that Frank was starting to come out of his shell.
“It just fucking sucks.” Frank ended and took a deep breath.
“Closing time guys,” the girl behind the counter said interrupting the boys' conversation. “Do you need a box?” she said in a friendly tone.
“Oh, um, I think we're okay, thank you,” Gerard answered and smiled. Frank just nodded in agreement as they got up to throw their trash away.
Frank was inwardly beating himself up for opening up so much, but Gerard had a personality that was easy to talk to. He was understanding in a weird way, and seemed to actually care when he asked a question. Frank wasn't used to sincerity and people being genuine, so it made him slightly uncomfortable and forced him to have his guard up. But, at the same time, his guard came crashing down as soon as Gerard asked him a question. He didn't know what he was getting himself into. Frank was afraid to open up and to allow himself to have a friendship with anyone. He had a hard time trusting people, let alone a complete stranger who seemed to be as much of a loner as he was himself. He didn't know how this guy was, he had absolutely no idea what his intentions were. Frank wasn't willing to let himself get attached to this guy, or to let him know anything else too deep about his past. Gerard could easily hold it against him, and he wasn't willing to let that happen. Quickly, Frank built up his brick wall defense around himself again and cut off all emotions he'd previously exposed.
“I think it's time for me to go home now, “ Frank said and gave Gerard money for the burrito. “See you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow's Saturday, Frank.” Gerard said and smiled.
“Monday, then,” Frank said quickly and started to walk home.
“Do you want a ride?” Gerard asked, confused at the sudden change of Frank's mood.
“No.”
Frank turned around and pulled his thin hoodie over his head, zipping the zipper in a swift motion. He put in his headphones and started to blast The Cure. Robert Smith's voice soon inundated Frank's piercing thoughts. He couldn't hear himself think, and that was exactly his intention. He watched as his feet guided him in the direction he thought was home. Step by step, he got closer and closer to the park he always seemed to end up at. He pulled his phone out to check the time. 11:04. He didn't know how long he'd been walking, and honestly didn't care. He noticed he had missed text messages, so he pulled up the screen. A couple were from Aurora, one was from his mother, and one an unknown number.
“Are you coming home tonight, honey? Need to know if I need to leave the door open, not sure if you have a key.” his Mom's text read.
Aurora's followed, “Frank!” “Frankie!!!” “FRANK I JUST GOT THE NEW CASUALTIES CD, COME TO MY HOTEL AND LISTEN TO IT WITH ME!”
“Hey, thanks for hanging tonight.. sorry if my chatter freaked you out. Have a good weekend. -G” from the number 9734503802.
Frank scratched the back of his neck and rubbed his eyes.
“How'd you get my number?” he answered as he added the number into his contacts, 'GERARD.'
“Must of been the vodka. ;)”
Frank sighed and laid on the table by the small playground, though a couple swings and 3 slides can hardly be called that. He turned up the Misfits and stared at the roof of the gazebo that the table was under. Cobwebs and dead spiders were stuck in each of the four corners, but they didn't bother Frank in the least. He watched as a spider made a new web for itself, a new home. He turned his music up before replying to the text.
“Must of been. Good night.”
BRING THIS BACK!<3
3/5/15