Broken
I Know What It Takes To Make Things Worse
Gerard
The hands and voices stopped after what felt like forever. Hushed voices exchanging opinions and giving orders. Sharp stinging pin pricks in my arms, hands gently moving me, shifting me and working over me. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t do anything. All I could do was listen and wait.
“Will he be OK?” a soft, worried voice asked towards the end.
Silence.
And then an irritated sigh. “Yes. He will.”
It was quiet after that apart from footsteps leaving the room. As soon as the door shut, the quiet voice that had spoken before sighed and a cool soft hand linked its fingers through mine, their thumb stroking over the back of my hand.
“I’m so sorry Gee,” he whispered. “So sorry.”
Frank. It was Frank.
I focused on his breath, the feel of his thin fingers stroking my hand. I wanted so badly to speak to him but it felt impossible, like my throat was choked with some sort of heavy obstacle. My entire body felt weighed down and it felt like I was tugging against restraints whenever I tried to move. It was horrible but there was nothing I could do and there was no point in trying.
“I never meant to do this to you love,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry. I just wish I could do something to make it better.”
He sighed again and his touch was removed from my hand. I wanted him to touch me again. I wanted his hands to hold mine and I wanted him to talk to me. I needed to hear his voice. It didn’t matter what it was that he talked about. I just needed something, anything from him.
The silence was broken by the door opening and shutting. I listened to the footsteps coming nearer to the bed. I worried about Frank even more now he had been turned. Other vampires weren’t quite so accepting of the idea of a human slave that had been turned into a vampire.
“Hey,” a tired voice murmured. “You OK?”
It was Mikey.
“Not really,” Frank replied quietly. “This is all my fault Mikey. He shouldn’t be like this. You have no idea how much I hate myself for doing this to him.”
“Frank,” Mikey sighed heavily. “It’s not your fault. Gerard shouldn’t have been walking around anyway and he knew that. He wasn’t strong enough for that yet. And him walking in on us isn’t exactly your fault, is it? He can’t just expect to never see us like that Frank, we-”
“Mikey,” Frank said flatly, the venom in his voice thick and biting. “Please. Just... just don’t say anything OK? I don’t want you to try and make me feel better about this.”
“Frank, don’t beat yourself up about this. Gerard knows perfectly well what we feel for each other and he shouldn’t have just walked in on us like that,” Mikey told him.
“I don’t care. I love him Mikey and I feel more for him than I will ever feel for you, no matter how impossible it is for him to be with me. Gerard means more to me than you can ever understand and you know what? I don’t expect you to understand what love is. You won’t ever know what it feels like because you’re a cold hearted bastard Mikey,” Frank snapped, his words turning bitter.
“I don’t think you understand what you’re saying,” Mikey replied through gritted teeth, his temper clearly fraying.
“No Mikey, it’s you who doesn’t understand what I’m saying. You don’t love. You don’t know how to. Whatever you think it is you feel about me, it’s nothing, yeah? It’s nothing more than lust. I don’t want you out of my own free will, I only want you because of this stupid connection. I don’t have a choice.”
“You’re so stupid Frank. You don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“I know exactly what I’m talking about Mikey! I would die for Gerard, I would give up everything for him! In fact, I fucking did die for him! I turned myself into this, into this un-dead monster so that I could have forever with him! I love him Mikey and you can’t understand that! I wish you could, I wish more than anything you could understand that I will always want Gerard more than you, but I don’t expect you to. How could I ever expect such sadistic un-loving monster like you to know what love is?!”
“I’m not listening to this,” Mikey snarled, getting up and storming out of the door, slamming it closed.
There was silence until Frank exhaled a shaking breath before quiet sobs came from him. I wanted so desperately to wake up, to move, but I was trapped. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him how much I loved him, how much he meant to and that I would die for him to.
I wanted to tell him I was sorry.
His sobs continued for a long time and it was torture, knowing I was right next to him and there was nothing I could do to help him.
“God!I’m such an idiot! Gerard... God, please... what am I supposed to do?” Frank cried, his voice slashed and ripped with hopelessness.
“I love you so much,” he shakily whispered, his voice thick with tears and grief. “So much Gee and you don’t even realise it. You hate me. I bet you wish you’d never met me. I wish you hadn’t either, that way I would never have hurt you so badly. All of this is my fault. I... I wish I’d been sold to someone else. I’d probably be dead by now though but it wouldn’t because I deserve it.”
He was quiet after that and seemed to be focused and getting his breathing back to normal, steadying his heavy, sobbing breaths. He kept hold of my hand though, stroking my fingers, my palm and the back of my hand, occasionally lifting my hand to his lips to gently kiss it.
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed but I was too busy worrying about Frank, about what had happened to him to make him think I hated him. Yeah, I had said everything I could think of to try and end what we had-for his own good-but I had never said I hated him or I didn’t love him. Even if I did say I didn’t love him anymore, it would always be a lie, no matter how much I tried to fool myself into believing it.
Suddenly the door opened and loud, annoying heels clicked into the room, stopping abruptly.
“What do you think you’re doing in here?”
There was only one voice in the world that I despised as much as the one who had just spoken.
“Y-your Majesty, I’m sorry, I... I just wanted to make sure he was OK,” Frank stammered quietly.
“It’s none of your fucking business,” Eliza spat. “I don’t want your filthy hands all over my fiancé, get out!”
“But I...” Frank trailed off and I could just picture his face, twisting with fear.
“But what?” she snarled, coming closer.
There was a scuffle, a quiet gasp from Frank and a series clicks on the floor from Eliza’s heels.
“I...I only wanted t-to make sure he was OK,” Frank spluttered out, sounding breathless, almost as if he was choking. “Please, I... I just-”
“I don’t want to hear your excuses,” she hissed. “You’re pathetic, you know that? Absolutely pathetic and worthless. Gerard doesn’t want you, no one does! I don’t know what you think you have with him, but you’re nothing to him. He doesn’t care about you.”
“Your Majesty please, I only-”
“You only what? You just thought you’d come in here and put your hands all over my fiancé? Your little fucked up head is sick,” she cut him off. “If I ever even catch you looking at him again, I’ll make sure you get sent back straight to where you came from. I’m sure your Keeper will be glad to see you again. Hell, I think he’d have even more fun trying to kill you, wouldn’t he? Because that’s what happens to toys that get sent back. Their poor little throats get ripped out.”
“I’m sorry,” Frank whimpered. “Please, I’m so sorry Your Majesty, please don’t do that. It won’t happen again, I swear.”
“I know you won’t let it happen again,” she replied. “Now get out of here before I have you dragged out by your hair.”
There was a thud and a quiet whimper and then a scrambling noise, followed by shuffling footsteps leaving.
“Stupid piece of shit,” Eliza cursed under her breath.
I wanted nothing more than to get out of the bed and throw her out. I never wanted to see her again and I was dreading the moment I was able to wake up. I would probably have Eliza’s disgusting face within inches of my own face, grinning that horrible false smile.
I could only hope that this deep sleep would last as long as possible.
The hands and voices stopped after what felt like forever. Hushed voices exchanging opinions and giving orders. Sharp stinging pin pricks in my arms, hands gently moving me, shifting me and working over me. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t do anything. All I could do was listen and wait.
“Will he be OK?” a soft, worried voice asked towards the end.
Silence.
And then an irritated sigh. “Yes. He will.”
It was quiet after that apart from footsteps leaving the room. As soon as the door shut, the quiet voice that had spoken before sighed and a cool soft hand linked its fingers through mine, their thumb stroking over the back of my hand.
“I’m so sorry Gee,” he whispered. “So sorry.”
Frank. It was Frank.
I focused on his breath, the feel of his thin fingers stroking my hand. I wanted so badly to speak to him but it felt impossible, like my throat was choked with some sort of heavy obstacle. My entire body felt weighed down and it felt like I was tugging against restraints whenever I tried to move. It was horrible but there was nothing I could do and there was no point in trying.
“I never meant to do this to you love,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry. I just wish I could do something to make it better.”
He sighed again and his touch was removed from my hand. I wanted him to touch me again. I wanted his hands to hold mine and I wanted him to talk to me. I needed to hear his voice. It didn’t matter what it was that he talked about. I just needed something, anything from him.
The silence was broken by the door opening and shutting. I listened to the footsteps coming nearer to the bed. I worried about Frank even more now he had been turned. Other vampires weren’t quite so accepting of the idea of a human slave that had been turned into a vampire.
“Hey,” a tired voice murmured. “You OK?”
It was Mikey.
“Not really,” Frank replied quietly. “This is all my fault Mikey. He shouldn’t be like this. You have no idea how much I hate myself for doing this to him.”
“Frank,” Mikey sighed heavily. “It’s not your fault. Gerard shouldn’t have been walking around anyway and he knew that. He wasn’t strong enough for that yet. And him walking in on us isn’t exactly your fault, is it? He can’t just expect to never see us like that Frank, we-”
“Mikey,” Frank said flatly, the venom in his voice thick and biting. “Please. Just... just don’t say anything OK? I don’t want you to try and make me feel better about this.”
“Frank, don’t beat yourself up about this. Gerard knows perfectly well what we feel for each other and he shouldn’t have just walked in on us like that,” Mikey told him.
“I don’t care. I love him Mikey and I feel more for him than I will ever feel for you, no matter how impossible it is for him to be with me. Gerard means more to me than you can ever understand and you know what? I don’t expect you to understand what love is. You won’t ever know what it feels like because you’re a cold hearted bastard Mikey,” Frank snapped, his words turning bitter.
“I don’t think you understand what you’re saying,” Mikey replied through gritted teeth, his temper clearly fraying.
“No Mikey, it’s you who doesn’t understand what I’m saying. You don’t love. You don’t know how to. Whatever you think it is you feel about me, it’s nothing, yeah? It’s nothing more than lust. I don’t want you out of my own free will, I only want you because of this stupid connection. I don’t have a choice.”
“You’re so stupid Frank. You don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“I know exactly what I’m talking about Mikey! I would die for Gerard, I would give up everything for him! In fact, I fucking did die for him! I turned myself into this, into this un-dead monster so that I could have forever with him! I love him Mikey and you can’t understand that! I wish you could, I wish more than anything you could understand that I will always want Gerard more than you, but I don’t expect you to. How could I ever expect such sadistic un-loving monster like you to know what love is?!”
“I’m not listening to this,” Mikey snarled, getting up and storming out of the door, slamming it closed.
There was silence until Frank exhaled a shaking breath before quiet sobs came from him. I wanted so desperately to wake up, to move, but I was trapped. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him how much I loved him, how much he meant to and that I would die for him to.
I wanted to tell him I was sorry.
His sobs continued for a long time and it was torture, knowing I was right next to him and there was nothing I could do to help him.
“God!I’m such an idiot! Gerard... God, please... what am I supposed to do?” Frank cried, his voice slashed and ripped with hopelessness.
“I love you so much,” he shakily whispered, his voice thick with tears and grief. “So much Gee and you don’t even realise it. You hate me. I bet you wish you’d never met me. I wish you hadn’t either, that way I would never have hurt you so badly. All of this is my fault. I... I wish I’d been sold to someone else. I’d probably be dead by now though but it wouldn’t because I deserve it.”
He was quiet after that and seemed to be focused and getting his breathing back to normal, steadying his heavy, sobbing breaths. He kept hold of my hand though, stroking my fingers, my palm and the back of my hand, occasionally lifting my hand to his lips to gently kiss it.
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed but I was too busy worrying about Frank, about what had happened to him to make him think I hated him. Yeah, I had said everything I could think of to try and end what we had-for his own good-but I had never said I hated him or I didn’t love him. Even if I did say I didn’t love him anymore, it would always be a lie, no matter how much I tried to fool myself into believing it.
Suddenly the door opened and loud, annoying heels clicked into the room, stopping abruptly.
“What do you think you’re doing in here?”
There was only one voice in the world that I despised as much as the one who had just spoken.
“Y-your Majesty, I’m sorry, I... I just wanted to make sure he was OK,” Frank stammered quietly.
“It’s none of your fucking business,” Eliza spat. “I don’t want your filthy hands all over my fiancé, get out!”
“But I...” Frank trailed off and I could just picture his face, twisting with fear.
“But what?” she snarled, coming closer.
There was a scuffle, a quiet gasp from Frank and a series clicks on the floor from Eliza’s heels.
“I...I only wanted t-to make sure he was OK,” Frank spluttered out, sounding breathless, almost as if he was choking. “Please, I... I just-”
“I don’t want to hear your excuses,” she hissed. “You’re pathetic, you know that? Absolutely pathetic and worthless. Gerard doesn’t want you, no one does! I don’t know what you think you have with him, but you’re nothing to him. He doesn’t care about you.”
“Your Majesty please, I only-”
“You only what? You just thought you’d come in here and put your hands all over my fiancé? Your little fucked up head is sick,” she cut him off. “If I ever even catch you looking at him again, I’ll make sure you get sent back straight to where you came from. I’m sure your Keeper will be glad to see you again. Hell, I think he’d have even more fun trying to kill you, wouldn’t he? Because that’s what happens to toys that get sent back. Their poor little throats get ripped out.”
“I’m sorry,” Frank whimpered. “Please, I’m so sorry Your Majesty, please don’t do that. It won’t happen again, I swear.”
“I know you won’t let it happen again,” she replied. “Now get out of here before I have you dragged out by your hair.”
There was a thud and a quiet whimper and then a scrambling noise, followed by shuffling footsteps leaving.
“Stupid piece of shit,” Eliza cursed under her breath.
I wanted nothing more than to get out of the bed and throw her out. I never wanted to see her again and I was dreading the moment I was able to wake up. I would probably have Eliza’s disgusting face within inches of my own face, grinning that horrible false smile.
I could only hope that this deep sleep would last as long as possible.
You are killing me by not updating.....u have to update.
3/8/16