Mikey

Finding Frank was much easier than I thought it would be. It was kind of like I had a built in tracker of him and I was on some sort of autopilot. My feet just took me to him.

I’d nearly dropped the glasses in my hands when I’d felt Frank’s agony and sadness hit me with a force that felt like it could knock me over with just one crippling blow.

But the thing that had scared me the most was when I couldn’t feel him anymore. There was nothing there and I couldn’t find him. I was terrified of not knowing what he was feeling or where he was.

I didn’t know what else to do but wait. And after a while it paid off because I felt a small glow of what felt like security and assurance and relief. And then shock and worry, followed by determination.

After that I couldn’t wait any longer and set out to find him.

And when I did spot his small form sat with his back to me, staring out at the lake in front of him, I rushed to him, flinging my arms around him and tackling him to the floor. He gasped in surprise but put his arms around me in return when he saw it was me.

I clung to him as tight as possible, pecking every inch of available skin with kisses.

“What happened?” I demanded in between gasps and kisses. “Why were you feeling like that? Do you know how worried I was?! I was terrified Frank, I lost you! I couldn’t feel you and I was so scared-”

“Mikey!” Frank cut me off, gabbing my head with both hands and pulling me up to face him. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Frank, you were so upset, it was painful even for me to feel it! What happened to make you feel like that?” I asked a little more gently this time.

“Nothing,” he whispered, not meeting my eyes.

“I can tell when you’re lying,” I told him.

He pressed his lips together and shook his head. “I just... it’s Gerard.”

“Oh. What happened this time?”

He took a deep breath and I could feel his wariness and hesitation. “He told me we could never be together ever again. He told me I didn’t love him. I think he hates me.”

I sighed and rested my head against his chest. “Maybe it was for the best.”

“It’s not,” he said immediately through gritted teeth, my senses getting a sharp twinge from his annoyance.

“Why not?” I asked softly.

“Because I love him and I know he loves me! Why shouldn’t we be together when we love each other?”

I sighed, knowing full well the reason why Gerard had done this. I knew my father had threatened
Gerard and had blackmailed him into ending his relationship with Frank. I’d been fuming, but I couldn’t do anything. Frank was more likely to end up dead if either of us did anything about it, only it would be worse for Gerard.

He was also doing it because he loved Frank. My brother either wanted all of him or nothing because it wasn’t right that Frank occasionally got Gerard’s attention. If Gerard hadn’t have ended things with Frank, it would have been worse. If Gerard had let Frank be around him and had gotten married to Eliza, then he would only ever be second best.

He would only ever be what he was born for. A fuck toy, a worthless, disposable broken little toy. It wasn’t even as if Gerard could treat him like that anymore though because Frank was a vampire now. If they’d carried on, someone would’ve found out and Frank would have been killed on the spot.

“Why does he think it’s a good idea for us to be apart?” Frank asked in a trembling whisper, gazing at me helplessly for answers.

“Because he would never be with you properly. You two could never be together. When you were human, there was a bigger chance because nobody would think anything of it, the two of you always being together. But now, it would never be allowed. Like I said, Gerard could have as many pets as he wanted because it doesn’t count as being unfaithful or cheating if you have a toy. But if you two were to carry this on in secret behind everyone’s back, it would end horribly.”

Frank just shook his dead. “He doesn’t even want to be King. He told me he doesn’t want the responsibility or the power Mikey.”

“He doesn’t have a choice,” I answered gently. “Frank, you two can’t be together anymore. Not now that he has to marry Eliza.”

“He can’t marry that bitch!” he protested loudly. “He can’t do that to himself, he can’t do that to us! I don’t understand why he’s pushing me away if he loves me!”

“Frank, he’s doing all of this because he loves you!” I told him firmly. “As much as I wish he didn’t, my brother loves you. He will do whatever’s best for you, and trust me, this is best! He loves you enough to let you go. And if letting you go isn’t a sign that he loves you more than anything, then I don’t know what is.”

“I can’t lose him Mikey. I can’t live without him,” he told me in a tear filled whisper.

“You can,” I breathed, pulling him as close as possible. “You just won’t let yourself believe it yet.”

He didn’t say anything. He just fell limp in my arms, motionless and silent apart from the quiet shaky breaths he took.

“Oh Frank,” I sighed softly, stroking through his hair. “What’s he done to you?”

He just made a pained whimper and clutched my shirt fiercely in his hands and sobbed into my chest. I couldn’t do anything but let him cry and rock him back and forth slowly, staring at the sky above us, resting my cheek on top of his head.

He quietened down after a while before looking up at me, frowning slightly. He brought up a shaking hand and stroked my cheek with trembling cold fingers.

He swallowed heavily. “I don’t deserve this.”

“I know, I know you don’t Frank, but it’ll be OK, we’ll get through this to-”

“No,” he said flatly, cutting me off. “I do deserve all of this. What I meant was I didn’t deserve you and everything you’re trying to do to help me.”

“Don’t say that,” I told him firmly, pulling back and giving him a firm look. “Don’t you dare. None of this is your fault. You just... you just managed to get mixed up in some pretty bad stuff, that’s all. You got mixed up with me. That’s where it all went wrong.”

“Mikey-”

“No Frank. I mean it. I’m not... I’m not going to sit here and listen to you blame all of this on yourself. Don’t ever think you brought this upon yourself.”

“But I did,” he spat out bitterly through gritted teeth. “It’s my fault. Who the fuck did I think I was, making myself believe that Gerard ever really loved me, some pathetic useless toy with no purpose!”

He ripped himself from my arms standing up. I didn’t say anything. I just stayed sat on the floor, looking up at him.

“I mean, how could I ever have thought that what we had was love?! There’s no such fucking thing! There’s only blood and sex and pain and that’s all I ever deserved! I still deserve that now! I was never anything special Mikey, no matter what he told me, no matter how many times he said how much I meant to him! I don’t mean anything to him, or to you! And you know why?! You wanna fucking know why?!” He screamed, his fists clenched furiously.

“Why Frank?” I whispered gently.

“Because I will always be a broken little fuck toy!” He yelled, his pain and anguish ripping through me.

“Frank, please, just-”

“No! No, Mikey! You fucking listen to me, alright?!” He yelled stepping forwards. “I was born to die after being fucked and used and thrown around! I was born to be tossed aside like every other human ever has! It doesn’t matter whether I was standard one or two or three! Because in the end, we all end up the same! We all end up as a blood drained broken corpse lying on a cold cellar floor, piled up and waiting to get thrown onto the fire whilst the other bodies are burning!”

“You don’t know anything about that Frank!” I hissed, getting to my feet. “You can’t just go around saying whatever you want about what you used to be! You’re not a human anymore! You’re mineand you’re just like the rest of us!”

“I’m nothing like you! And I can say whatever I fucking want to Mikey! Because I don’t fucking CARE anymore! I don’t care what you do anymore because the only thing that I have ever wanted was to die! That’s the only thing any human wants because nobody can live for what we have! And I know! I fucking know what it’s like to wake up every day and wish your throat would finally just get torn out instead of the endless pain!”

“Frank,” I spat. “Stop it! Just fucking stop it!”

“You don’t understand!” he screamed. “Why can’t you just end this?!”

“What?!” I demanded in a sharp gasp, flinching away from him.

I watched in horror as he sank down at his knees, completely drained. Completely broken.
Completely and utterly nothing.

He looked up at me with dead eyes and said in the most emotionless, lifeless voice I had ever heard:

“I want you to kill me.”