Honey, if you stay I'll be forgiven
With a brick in hand, your lip-gloss smile
Jess P.O.V
When I told Leyah, firstly she begged for me to stay, but I had to explain to her that, that was the thing I wanted more than anything. So her second option was to offer to beg to mum, but I wouldn't let her. I knew that mum was never going to change her mind. Or let me back in her life. I know the easiest option is to stay at Gerard's and that is what my plan was, but, I don't know, I have no idea. I love Gerard, he is mine and I love him so much. So I don't know how he would cope with his pregnant girlfriend living with him. He is young too and I don't want to stress him out. I don't want to end up alone and afraid like I used to be. I don't want Gerard to be depressed like he used to be, I don't want to see the light from behind his eyes go out and I know that is what will happen if I stay with him.
He doesn't know it, but it's true. And I know it.
Mum gave me a weeks notice, so as soon as I get out the better. I pack my bags with some money I have, and some blankets, my clothes, shower stuff, phone and what Evers left of what little I own. The bag stays by the side of my bed and is a reminder that my life is ruined, it's also what stops me from sleeping at night. My situation goes around and around in my head. Thinking about how sad my life has become. And what I am throwing away. I had so much and I felt so depressed, now my whole world has come crumbling down and, and.. I can't take it. I can't take all these god damn fucking emotions. I hate having to think about things, having to act responsibly.
I get up out of my bed, turn the light on, and head to my desk. I have to do something, to balance my emotional pain with physical. I can't stay like this. It's killing me. I dig through all of my drawers until I find it. I hold it against the light and watch it reflect across my room. I know I'm going to regret this later but right now I just can't take it anymore. This stress. I pull up my pyjama shorts close my eyes and slice across my skin, the blade comes off I open my eyes to see its covered in my blood, but not enough to stop my hurting. I close my eyes again. It's time I dig the blade into my skin and pray for this all to stop. For there to be another answer. I cut again and again and I can feel the tears streaming down my face, no matter weather my eyes Are closed or not. What have I done.
I can feel my hands covered. i'm shaking and drop I the blade. I don't deserve a child. I'm mad. There's something wrong with me. I'm a selfish dick and of anyone knew what I just did... I'm evil. Poison. I-I can't even. I should be locked up. I can't do this anymore. I have to stop. I hadn't done it for so long. Since just after Gerard and I got together. GERARD! I can't believe myself, I have hurt Gerard too, he can't know, it would kill him if he did. thought I was okay. I thought I wouldn't be this bad. But I'm not okay, I'm ill, I'm a sick sick monster.
When I told Leyah, firstly she begged for me to stay, but I had to explain to her that, that was the thing I wanted more than anything. So her second option was to offer to beg to mum, but I wouldn't let her. I knew that mum was never going to change her mind. Or let me back in her life. I know the easiest option is to stay at Gerard's and that is what my plan was, but, I don't know, I have no idea. I love Gerard, he is mine and I love him so much. So I don't know how he would cope with his pregnant girlfriend living with him. He is young too and I don't want to stress him out. I don't want to end up alone and afraid like I used to be. I don't want Gerard to be depressed like he used to be, I don't want to see the light from behind his eyes go out and I know that is what will happen if I stay with him.
He doesn't know it, but it's true. And I know it.
Mum gave me a weeks notice, so as soon as I get out the better. I pack my bags with some money I have, and some blankets, my clothes, shower stuff, phone and what Evers left of what little I own. The bag stays by the side of my bed and is a reminder that my life is ruined, it's also what stops me from sleeping at night. My situation goes around and around in my head. Thinking about how sad my life has become. And what I am throwing away. I had so much and I felt so depressed, now my whole world has come crumbling down and, and.. I can't take it. I can't take all these god damn fucking emotions. I hate having to think about things, having to act responsibly.
I get up out of my bed, turn the light on, and head to my desk. I have to do something, to balance my emotional pain with physical. I can't stay like this. It's killing me. I dig through all of my drawers until I find it. I hold it against the light and watch it reflect across my room. I know I'm going to regret this later but right now I just can't take it anymore. This stress. I pull up my pyjama shorts close my eyes and slice across my skin, the blade comes off I open my eyes to see its covered in my blood, but not enough to stop my hurting. I close my eyes again. It's time I dig the blade into my skin and pray for this all to stop. For there to be another answer. I cut again and again and I can feel the tears streaming down my face, no matter weather my eyes Are closed or not. What have I done.
I can feel my hands covered. i'm shaking and drop I the blade. I don't deserve a child. I'm mad. There's something wrong with me. I'm a selfish dick and of anyone knew what I just did... I'm evil. Poison. I-I can't even. I should be locked up. I can't do this anymore. I have to stop. I hadn't done it for so long. Since just after Gerard and I got together. GERARD! I can't believe myself, I have hurt Gerard too, he can't know, it would kill him if he did. thought I was okay. I thought I wouldn't be this bad. But I'm not okay, I'm ill, I'm a sick sick monster.
Make a sequel pleaseeee!!!!
2/1/14